So I'm just now scanning through the world-wide-web's top-o-the-morning stories as I do every day and I see this headline at Slash/Film:
"Box Office Tracking: Transformers 2 Could Take $175 Million In First Five Days"
And it really just boggles my mind. Really? Really, world? Is the interest in a second Transformers film that epic? I know I'm hardly marching lock-step to the drum-beat of the general cultural zeitgeist most of the time - Drag Me To Hell came in third with only 16 million, being beaten by Up and the second weekend of Night of the Museum? Really? - but I don't really think I've slipped into the pop-culture consciousness of the Amish either, ya know? But I haven't even bothered to watch a single trailer for Transformers 2 - that is how much I don't care.
I'm not trying to prove my hip, above-it-all-ness here either. I am not above-it-all, not by any means; I love more than my fair share of total crap as anyone who's read this blog will know only too well. But Transformers made me wish I had never been born. It made me wish the Big Bang had reversed itself right there in the theater and sucked all of the universe's matter into oblivion.
So really? People are dying to spend another brain-raping two hours with that schlock? I just can't fathom it. I like a fucking giant robot and big explosions as much as the next guy, but no. No no no never.
So you answer. And I didn't add a third choice of an ambivilent "sure, whatever, I'll watch anything to escape from the heat and watch money being flushed down the toilet" because if you're not with me, you are against me, and a part of the problem! There, I said it.
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7 comments:
I saw the first Transformers recently and found it a hell of a lot of fun. I went to school for film, so it is not without some reserve that I admit this, but I'm looking forward to more giant robots on a giant screen.
I'm with you, JA...I love a good amount of garbage...I still watch old Godzilla movies...but COME ON, I just don't get the whole Transformers craze...nevertheless, at least once a month since it came out, someone has asked me if I saw/liked it...grrrr....
I view Michael Bay movies as if I'm a beaten, angry dog. I keep thinking the movies will love me if I just give them another chance...but each time they kick me in the head and shove my nose in my own s**t even though I don't deserve it.
And I guess each time I think that maybe I'm the one who has missed something, maybe my righteous indignation and fury over how appallingly stupid it all is must somehow be MY fault, so I go again to find out.
See what a sickness Michael Bay has perpetrated over the otherwise film-loving public?
That's exactly how I feel, Burbanked - right up until the first transformers I kept going back and watching them because I thought maybe he'd finally stop stabbing me in the face one of these times, and the man always has promising trailers. But that's all he ever has. It's why I haven't watched a trailer for Transformers 2 - I'm terrified I'll be sucked back in, really. I won't do it! I won't accept your flowers, Michael Bay, so you can lure me in and roofie me again and have your way with me! No more! The buck stops here!
His trailers are extraordinary because that's his style's ideal format - quick cuts, high on style, stirring musical cues AND NO STORY. NO CHARACTERS. NO DIALOGUE IN CONTEXT.
Anything beyond 2:30 and the style implodes.
"Transformers 2" doesn't even have a good trailer, though! I was kind of shocked to see it, but it's true. And if Megan Fox's forehead gets any bigger, they'll be able to use it to screen the movie. In IMAX. Real IMAX.
HAHA! @ Joe Reid's forehead comment and his Mary Cherry icon picture.
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