That Octupus Has Got The Right Idea!

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Birthday Brad

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Well what have we here? Yes, it's the second day in a row where I'm stealing following Nat's lead at The Film Experience, where he lets foolish lil' me know it's an obsession-o-mine's birthday and I run off with it. (These birthday posts are handy things, Nat! Thanks!) Anyway, today would've been the beautiful Brad Davis' 60th birthday (!) if he hadn't died of AIDS in 1991. If you click on the all-inclusive Brad Davis label here at MNPP you'll see I've documented him pretty well... I need to do some scouring, find some new stuff, I do. But here are a few I haven't posted before in the lovely man's honor.

Those last several shots are from Sybil, which he was the male lead in opposite Sally Field of course, and today's her birthday too, which she's actually - thankfully! - alive for, so a happy 63 to her. Your hair looks like a brown football helmet! I say that with affection, of course.
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Talkin' Monsters, With Guillermo Del Toro

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Total Film got the chance to talk to Guillermo Del Toro about the ongoing process of preparing his two-film adaptation of The Hobbit, and the most interesting bit to me - although the whole thing's worth reading - was this exchange on developing the bestiary of the book's universe (and it's totally long but I'm just plunking the whole thing down here because a) Total Film's site makes you load a thousand pages to get through the entire interview, and b) I wanna):

Total Film: You love creating your creatures and obviously The Hobbit offers some great opportunities. There’s the dragon Smaug, the spiders of Mirkwood, the Wargs, Beorn the bear-man…

Del Toro: The way I phrased it to Weta, I said we would keep the DNA in the same gene pool as the Rings trilogy, but that we would generate a different type of character. For example, in the trilogy most of the creatures are brutish or inarticulate.

In The Hobbit, the creatures speak: Smaug has beautiful lines of dialogue; the Great Goblin has beautiful lines of dialogue; many creatures do. So we had to design them with a different approach because you are not just designing things that are scary.

I also wanted some of the monsters in The Hobbit to be majestic.

I wanted the Wargs to have a certain beauty so that you don't have a massively clear definition: what is beautiful is good and what is ugly is not. Some of the monsters are absolutely gorgeous.

TF: Smaug won’t be like the dragons in Reign Of Fire, say. Was it a big challenge to communicate his character?

Del Toro: I think one of the designs I’m the proudest of is Smaug. Obviously he took the longest.

It’s actually still active: we’re finishing his colour palette and a little bit of the texture. But the bulk of the design took about a year, solid. It’s because of the unique features of the dragon.

Early in production I came up with a very strong idea that would separate Smaug from every other dragon ever made. The problem was implementing that idea. But I think we’ve nailed it.

TF: What was the idea?

Del Toro: I cannot tell you what it was because it would be a massive spoiler! But I’m 100 per cent happy with Smaug. If there is such as thing as 110 per cent, then I’m there!

TF: What about the spiders? How faithful are they to Shelob from Return Of The King?

Del Toro: Well, they are the progeny of Shelob, but Shelob was quite a promiscuous girl [laughs]. She mated with many partners. And insects and spiders are incredibly adaptable creatures. There will be spiders… [Laughs]

That sounds like a Paul Thomas Anderson sequel: There Will Be Spiders! But they are visually quite striking and in a different way to Shelob.

I wish I could tell you more but I would be spoiling it again. They are very different. They are more creatures of the shadow, more creatures of the deep forest. They are not earth nesting. They are nesting in the canopies so physically they have adapted to that environment.

Addressing The Live Hamster In The Room

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There's a pleasant little chat with the lovely Morena Baccarin, the one-time Firefly star who's now running things on ABC's new remake of V, over at io9 today that you oughta read if you've watched the first episode already (sidenote: I liked it.). She addresses the "Alien leader = Obama" subject that's been brought up, (she give a sort of no answer) as well as The Most Important Thing Of All:

Baccarin admits she gets asked whether she'll be eating a live hamster — like, pretty much all the time. She says:

"We haven't done it in these [first] four episodes, and I'm bracing myself. And so many people ask about it, I think it's imminent. I think we are going to pay homage to those moments, but not maybe do them the same way — so hopefully I won't have to put a hamster down my throat."

You suck it up, lady! You took the job, you knew the risks! Eating a live hamster is a part of them risks! Do it! For the sake of all that's good and true in this world, you must.

And for fun, here's the spectacular scene
of which we speak from the original V:

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I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you that this scene was as important in making me the pop-culture-zombie I am today as was the scene where Kimberly ripped her wig off on Melrose Place or that time when Allie found out what it's like to be homeless on a very special episode of Kate & Allie. Ahh memories.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... a boxers-sporting couch-riding pizza-guzzling slob
alongside Joel McHale.


This might just be the thing I want the most ever
in one of these posts. Seriously. That's f'ing paradise.

ETA It's been brought to my attention that I am FAILING THE WORLD by not also posting the pictures from last night's episode of Community wherein he was shirtless.

There. All better. And yes, over-tanned too.
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Mid-Afternoon Music Break!

Via Stereogum here's the new video for
Grizzly Bear's song "Ready, Able"... cuz why not?

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Quote of the Day

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It was late when I got home last night from the screening of The Box and the Q&A with Richard Kelly and James Marsden (or at least late for an old man like me) but I did notice before I went to sleep a certain tweet from the mind of Roger Ebert:

"It wasn't screened in a timely fashion for critics, but "The Box" is surprisingly good."

So I knew it was coming. A positive review of the film from Roger, that is. Still I didn't think he's pop it out so quickly, but sure enough today there it sits, making my stomach curdle. Choice bit:

"Norma and Arthur Lewis aren't bad people -- pretty nice ones, in fact. They regret her impulsive action immediately. But then the plot grows sinister, coiling around to involve them, which we expect, but also venturing into completely unanticipated directions, and inspiring as many unanswered questions as "Knowing," which I loved.

Many readers hated "Knowing," and many will hate "The Box." What can I say? I'm not here to agree with you. This movie kept me involved and intrigued, and for that I'm grateful. I'm beginning to wonder whether, in some situations, absurdity might not be a strength."

That's actually the end of his review, so my apologies for ruining what he builds to. That being a defense of Knowing of all godforsaken things. Jinkies.

Okay, honesty time - I need to step back from that, I have not gotten around to watching Knowing yet. So I know nothing. I've had it for months but Alex Proyas is another filmmaker like Richard Kelly that has started to depress me (although Proyas is much, much further gone than Kelly is), and I just haven't wanted to go there just yet. Perhaps I oughta. Although if its anything on par with my reaction to The Box, I just have got more depression in store.

Sigh. And meanwhile Richard Kelly just tweeted this:

"Heading back to LA on opening day - thanks to everyone in NYC for your support!"

I am a traitor.
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James Marsden Three Times

Let's wash that bad taste outta our mouths, eh?

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I Do Not Want To Write This Review

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Ahhh crap.

That was what went through my head about halfway through Richard Kelly's The Box. It actually made me sick to my stomach. Not the film, mind you, but the realization that he just wasn't gonna do it. Y'all know I root for Kelly - the man made Donnie Darko, for the Lord's sake! And there are big chunks of Southland Tales that I think are genius (even if I'm not convinced the movie's anything resembling "coherent," it's still ballsier and busier and more fun than most things. Ever.).

But both of those movies, besides eventual cult-status, were big honking flops. So he needed a winner here. So he got his Big-Deal Movie Star in the lead, he got the studio push (even if they did flick it through the release schedule ruthlessly for awhile there) with the commercials and the posters and the red carpet treatment. He promised a whittling down of his usual scatter-shot approach - he's going for a stream-lined story this time, he promised. Simple, to the point.

But something done gone wrong.

What I think it is is Richard Kelly appears to be a film-maker in crisis. Southland Tales - the critical drubbing, the dumped-into-no-theaters thing - it appears to have shaken him fairly deeply. You can read it in the interviews he does and it's all over the face of this movie. The Box lacks the conviction of any convictions at all. There are great ideas and moments here and there that weasel their way through the otherwise idle scenery, but nothing pops. Nothing connects. I love that Richard Kelly's got ideas just bursting out of him that he wants to throw at us, but here I just couldn't figure out what all the background noise was in service of. Scenes just happened. Things just happened. I didn't especially feel anything was connected - that anyone's actions were progressing in any kind of logical manner, even unto his own story. His own point of view. They went from point A to point M to point F to point B, all while emotionally flying from dull-eyed depression to dull-eyed confusion in a single stroke!

I do wonder if a re-edit could've helped. I know shaving a second here and a second there, constructing a rhythm to the madness, can make a huge difference. Here there was no rhythm. I'd get excited in fits and starts, realizing that the film had finally hooked me in a great scene or moment - and there are some really great creepy moments in the film - and then it would just drift off, lose me immediately. I never much felt an emotional connection with any of the characters. James Marsden is a supernaturally beautiful man (even more so in person - I stood right next to him after the screening and he freaked me the fuck out he is so pretty) so that helped, and he did what he could with the role. Frank Langella's part is far more thankless than you would expect it to be going in - he really doesn't have much to do beyond stand there disfigured behaving emotionally disconnected and tell them the rules of the game, which change every fifteen minutes.

As for Cameron... I know that I knock Diaz now and then, but that's more her public persona than her acting prowess - I think she's been quite good in several things,. But here... hmm... she really just doesn't seem to be connecting with anything at all. I don't really like to or feel good about singling her out here, and I think due credit for her failure's gotta be laid at Kelly's feet as well, but in almost every scene I found myself stepping back and thinking to myself that she was just not convincing me of anything that was going on around her. I actually remember my mind wandering at one point off to Mary McDonnell in Donnie Darko as Donnie's mother Rose and how freaking incredible she is in that small role and how much this film would benefit from that kind of presence.

Instead, Diaz seems lost. The whole thing seems lost. And I do think that Kelly let this film get away from him, and I'm reading it as fear. He's afraid of the tangents he desperately wants to follow so he's reined himself in, but then at the same time he's got a voice and a world that he's unable to divorce himself from completely so that stuff wanders into the film and just sits there, staring, waiting for him to play with it. Instead, it just sits.

Bless the man, I want success for him, I do, really. But The Box just does not work.
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I Am Link

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--- Doctor Darko - I'm sure there will be tons of interviews and articles on Richard Kelly today since The Box is now open for business so I'll surely miss plenty. But here are a couple that grabbed my eye this morning. There's a good-sized chat with him over at AICN and a brief one at io9 that touches on some interesting stuff (including whether he's seen S. Darko or not), and also at io9 there's a run-through of what they're calling the "Darko Mythos," which supposedly runs through all three of his films so far. Worm-holes and what-not. Interesting stuff.

--- Bear With Faris - Oh God, Anna Faris, you are really testing my dedication right now. This dumb-kid trilogy of yours - first there was Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, next up you're a voice in the Chipmunks "Squeakuel" (shudder at that word), and now you've signed on to presumably be the live-action portion of a partially animated Yogi Bear movie? Come on, lady! I demand that you use the cash you make from this to make a raunchy lady-comedy where you're not showing off your tits, please. Oh and Justin Timberlake is voicing Boo-Boo in this Yogi movie. Him, I expect this from.

--- And Then There Was Jake - Haven't watched this myself yet but Slash has the second trailer for Brothers, the Jim Sheridan movie starring Jake and Tobey and Natalie. There was a first trailer? I don't think I even watched a first trailer. Hrm.

--- Come To Me, My Son - Now this is the sort of great news I hunger for today: BD has word on Werner Herzog's other movie this year, the one that doesn't star Nicolas Cage and make my mind spin, the one called My Son My Son What Have Ye Done? that stars Michael Shannon, Willem Dafoe, Chloe Sevigny, Grace effin' Zabriskie, and a bunch more awesome people. It's opening here in NYC on December 11th! Whee! If I'd known this was getting a release this soon it would've made my Five Most Anticipated Movies list that I made yesterday; I'd been assuming we'd be waiting until next year for it. It's opening at IFC Center so I would hazard a guess that it might play on their VOD channel around that time too maybe. Unless they're doing this for an Oscar run - playing on VOD complicates that, doesn't it? Man the Oscars have got to catch up with the real world. That's also the poster there to the right, and BD has the trailer as well.

--- Freud V Jung - Slash has also got word on another possibility for David Cronenberg's next movie - here's how they sell the source material:

"Talking Cure, a 2002 play by Christopher Hampton. (Ralph Fiennes, Cronenberg’s star in Spider, appeared in one of the primary productions of the play.) The story’s arc concerns the founding fathers of psychoanalysis, Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud, and their parallel relationships with a beautiful patient, Sabina Spielrein."

They rightly reference Dead Ringers being brought to mind by that description. But Slash seems unsure whether this is merely one of the many possibilities floating out there for DC to make next or if there's any reality to it. I guess we'll see.

--- I'll See That - Doesn't this description (via) sound like the sorta movie you might enjoy:

"...the film focuses on "a high school tramp who runs away with the school's gay, fat kid in his homophobic dad's stolen car."

Add to that the fact that the current cast-list includes Lisa Kudrow (as the gay kid's "mousy repressed mother" in shades of her Opposite of Sex character, natch) and Sally Hawkins and you kinda got yourself a no-brainer here.

--- And finally, Joe has seen the Hannah Montana movie two times. Two times! Hours of his life have been spent therein. So you owe him a glance at the hysterical fruit of that monumental effort. Plus, gay twink handling cock!
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Good Morning, World

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I'm really very ashamed of myself that I haven't been watching Cougar Town. Must rectify! I mean, I've loved Courteney Cox since way back, it's got the delight that is Busy Phillips, and Nick Zano's running around half-naked all the time. WTF, me? Here's some more Zano from the show just to document the bits I've missed:


He's off to Melrose Place soon (if not already), right? Dude I woke up in the middle of a dream this morning all about Sydney from Melrose. Oh Sydney... poor Sydney.
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I'm Coming To Get You, Dick & Jim...

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... and you will be mine.
Oh yes. You will be mine!
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Meanwhile, This Happened...

... right here in my neighborhood today:

(via) Come on, Hugh Jackman! You don't have to do that sorta thing yourself! I'm right here, completely willing to do that for you whenever you feel the need. Seriously. Whenever. Let me know.
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"Is that a rain coat?"

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"Yes! It is!"

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Pics of the Day

Hey look! It's the first three pictures from Gregg Araki's new film, Kaboom! (via) Let us look upon them with our eyes that are in our heads.

That's the film's lead played by Thomas Dekker front and center in all the shots. He's what the words "pretty, vacant" were invented for. But maybe Araki can use him wisely. Hrm. Anyway I wrote up this movie previously right here, but now we've got a more thorough a synopsis:

"A hyper-stylized TWIN PEAKS for the Coachella Generation, featuring a gorgeous, super hot young cast, KABOOM is a wild and sex-drenched horror-comedy thriller that tells the story of Smith, an ambisexual 18-year-old college freshman who stumbles upon a monstrous conspiracy in a seemingly idyllic Southern California seaside town...

Smith's everyday life in the dorms - hanging out with his arty, sarcastic best friend Stella, hooking up with a beautiful free spirit named London, lusting for his gorgeous but dim surfer roommate Thor - all gets turned upside-down after one fateful, terrifying night. Tripping on some hallucinogenic cookies he ate at a party, Smith is convinced he's witnessed the gruesome murder of an enigmatic Red Haired Girl who has been haunting his dreams."

Enigmatic red-haired girl? Uh... what is this, Charlie Brown?

It is! It's an "ambisexual" and "sex-drenched" take on Charlie Brown! Mystery solved!

God I'm amazing.
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5 Off My Head - What's Left In '09

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Whilst just now reading through this article on Peter Jackson and The Lovely Bones it struck me that there's not a whole lot left to the year, is there? I mean that both in terms of days - 57 to go til 2010! - and in terms of films being released in those 57 days. Still, all the heavy-hitting award-magnets have plunked themselves down in the span per usual, so surely there's gotta be something worth seeing, right?

So I decided to look through what's to come and pick the five films I'm most looking forward to seeing between now and then. I'm not counting this weekend coming up since it's practically here, so that's leaves out not only The Box - which I'm actually seeing tonight, with Richard Kelly and James Marsden there in person, oh my god pinch me I am kvetching - but also Precious, (Mo'Nique 4-eva!), both of which would've easily made my list. And you might recall that I've already seen Michael Haneke's The White Ribbon, which would've easily topped the list ten times over if I hadn't.

Anyway, here are the 5 other 2009 flicks I'm most anticipating.

Fantastic Mr. Fox - out on November 13th - Even though it hit that speed-bump with the disgruntled crew-members moaning about director Wes Anderson's long-distance approach to directing, word seems to be pretty strong on the film, and I've been waiting for Anderson to shake up his style a little bit. Judging from the trailer, he didn't do that very much. But I still really dig the look of it and will probably forever be psyched for a new movie of Anderson's thanks to Rushmore and The Royal Tenebaums. It's out of my hands!


The Road - out on November 25th - Even though I am very afraid that this film will ruin me like the book did, I am excited. Well perhaps excited isn't the right word. But whatever the right word is, that is what I am.


The Lovely Bones - out on December 11th (limited) - I haven't read the book but it's Peter Jackson and a trailer that recalls the lovely horribleness of Heavenly Creatures so I couldn't be looking forward to this one more.


Avatar - out on December 18th - The second trailer's got me more enthusiastic than the first did, but I sorta feel this now more out of a devotion to Jim Cameron than I am feeling it wholly on the basis of what we've seen so far. But ya know what, fuck it, Cameron has never let me down. Never. So I won't buy what you're selling, Joe! I mean, there's a character named "Dragon navigator" for god's sake. Yes, I'll have one of those, thank you.


The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - out on Christmas Day (limited) - I love Terry Gilliam. I love all of the actors he's got gathered here. Done. And I love that we get at least a whisper of remaining Heath one final time.

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There are a few runners-up I need to mention because they just barely missed the cut: Almodovar's Broken Embraces; Tom Ford's A Single Man (I'm loving the book right now and think if there's any movie coming up that's gonna surprise shock-n-awe me this one might be it); Jim Sheridan's Brothers (it makes me a bad Jake lover that this missed my top five, doesn't it? I just need to see something, anything, a trailer, please, before I'm totally there); Werner Herzog's Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (I am crazy excited about this movie and y'all know how much I bow down before Herzog but try though I may I cannot put a movie starring Nicolas Cage in this list! I can't do it!).

And you know what? I'm sure I'll regret admitting this but I got a little jazzed when I finally saw the trailer for Rob Marshall's Nine the other day. Daniel Day Lewis dancing around did it. Hrm.

So what are y'all looking forward to?
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48 To Go

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... maybe? Paste Magazine chatted with Sufjan Stevens about his new BQE album, and he touched upon his 50 States project, where he'd once promised to release an album dedicated to each and every state of the union (he's gotten through Illinois and Michigan so far), saying this:

“The whole premise was such a joke,” he says now, “and I think maybe I took it too seriously. I started to feel like I was becoming a cliché of myself.”

Does this mean it's dead? I'd never really taken it seriously myself but I did keep hoping he'd get around to a New York album so I could hear him talk about the Finger Lakes. Rochester shout-out! Alas. I guess we'll see. For now I just hope he releases any music period - he's been so dismissive of even that lately.

"“In all honesty, [The BQE] is what really sabotaged my creative momentum. It wasn’t Illinois so much,” he says. “I suffered sort of an existential creative crisis after that piece. I no longer knew what a song was and how to write an album. It overextended me in a way that I couldn’t find my way back to the song.”

“I’m wondering, why do people make albums anymore when we just download? Why are songs like three or four minutes, and why are records 40 minutes long? They’re based on the record, vinyl, the CD, and these forms are antiquated now. So can’t an album be eternity, or can’t it be five minutes?” He pauses. “I no longer really have faith in the album anymore. I no longer have faith in the song.”

Almost all of his songs from the past couple have been ten minutes long or longer, and I've loved every single second of them, so I'm hopeless as a critic of this man. Hopeless! I'll follow him anywhere. Even through this, which is from the liner notes of The BQE:

"And then it hits you: If skyscrapers are the ultimate phallic symbols, then the urban expressway is the ultimate birth canal, the uterine wall, the anatomical passageway, the ultimate means of egress, and the process by which we are all born again. The BQE is the Motherhood of Civilization, the Breast of Being, the fallopian tube, the biological canal from which all of life emerges in resplendent beauty, newborn and newly fashioned with the immaculate countenance of a baby."

Oh indeed!
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Gratuitous Joseph Chang

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Otherwise known as Hsiao-chuan Chang. I have never seen him in anything. I stumbled upon a picture of him this morning and I liked what I saw. The way of the world, ain't it? Anyway, Joseph is apparently the It Boy in Taiwan these days.I can see why. He played gay in a movie called Eternal Summer in 2006 (also his first film), which you'll see a couple pics from below.

He also did a body-wash commercial
that's well worth 28 seconds of your time...

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Happy 38, Jonny Greenwood

Thank goodness for Nat's recent spate of birthday posts, otherwise I might not have realized it was the Radiohead guitarist's bday today.

Happy day, Jonny!
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Michael Jackson's This Is It in 150 Words or Less

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Surprisingly absorbing, especially when you read between the lines of the access you're actually being given. But honestly for just this moment I'd heard enough of the freak-show that was MJ's life and for a change it was interesting to simply observe the man at work. Because of the limited amount of coverage director Kenny Ortega got from the rehearsals the shots are longer and therefore more telling; if this had been the actual concert you couldn't have paid me to sit through it, but watching the show being formed in starts and sputters allows an actual curiosity to invade the proceedings.

Plus, as Rich put it so eloquently with regards to MJ's male back-up dancers, "this movie could have been called This Is It, And By "It," I Mean "Dick In Sweatpants."
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Any Excuse To Look At Michael Fassbender...

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... is something to take advantage of, no? So here's some news on a movie he's just joined the cast of even though it doesn't sound terrifically exciting to me as of yet. Via DH:

"Michael Fassbender ("Inglourious Basterds," "Hunger") has joined the cast of "A Single Shot" for Hanway Films says Screen Daily.

Fassbender will portray a poacher who is on the lam from a group of brutal killers after he discovers a case of blood money. Forest Whitaker, William H. Macy and Thomas Haden Church also star.

Matthew F Jones adapted the screenplay from his novel of the same name while Chris Coen and Brad Arseneau are producing. David Jacobson ("Down in the Valley," "Dahmer") directs the feature which begins shooting in Ontario in January."

Yadda yadda Fassbender...

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The Tourist is a Rollercoaster

When I saw the headline this morning that there were more changes to the cast of The Tourist I groaned. See, at a certain point not very long ago I was very very enthusiastic about the not-even-filmed-yet film's cast - Tom Cruise was replaced by Sam Worthington (huge upgrade!) and Charlize Theron was the female lead, and I would very much be happy watching those two hot things rub up on each other, thank you very much.

But then Charlize dropped out and I was sad. But then Angelina Jolie replaced her, and while I loooove Charlize I like Angie so I was (mostly) okay with it. But now Sam Worthington's dropped out (dammit) and he's been replaced by Johnny Depp. I've gotten a bit sick of Mr. Depp's affected mannerisms as of late (an exhaustion documented in this post) but this doesn't seem to be the sort of role he can put on a mile-high pink wig and talk like an ADD-riddled chipmunk for, so perhaps he can behave like a human being this time. Perhaps.


According to the story where I read this casting directors have been trying to get Angie and Johnny cast together for years because everybody seems to think the screen will melt from the intense hotness on-screen... I have to say I'm a little less enthusiastic than I woulda been with Charlize and Sam. Angie and Johnny once upon a time did it for me but they've lost a bit their lustful luster over the past couple of years, while Charlize and Sam... yowza, my brains boil thinking about it. Oh well.

But then - but then! - I notice that the director has changed as well. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, who directed the astonishing film The Lives of Others, has left, which blows, but he's been replaced by Alfonso effin' Cuarón!

And immediately my enthusiasm about the film
flies off towards the stratosphere. Score!
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Happy 49, Tilda

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poll by twiigs.com

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Lock The Door And Throw Away The Key

In all the yapping about The Experiment - the remake of Oliver Hirschbiegel's 2001 film Das Experiment - that I've done over the years, I don't know that I've just laid bare what my fascination with the project really comes down to. Oh sure, the Standford Prison Experiment is a fascinating subject that could possibly say a lot about America right now, the human proclivity towards torture when given free rein over another human completely, and what not, yadda yadda, but what it comes down is this: Das Experiment is a hugely homoerotic film starring my beloved Moritz Bleibtreu where the story's basically just a semi-classy overlay (Very Important Themes!) on what's at its heart just a bunch of attractive actors playing prison guards and inmates who slowly learn to humiliate, often with sexual under/over-tones, each other.

Hooray!

Anyway, hence all my attentions paid to casting the remake over the years... where once we had rumors of Chalie Hunnam and Channing Tatum (good grief, I would've exploded in the theater), now in reality we've got Cam Gigandet and Adrien Brody. Hrm. Oh and Travis Fimmel! Travis Fimmel's a good one!


For now we'll have to wait and see how porny they make this thing, but these new pair of pictures via BD give me a little hope...


... since they prominently center Cam's crotch and a wife-beater'd Adrien about to get his head shorn by some fierce-eyed guards. Moving slowly in the right direction... we all just need to close our eyes and wish real hard! Hard and porny! Now!
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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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When Time Ran Out... (1980)

Oh When Time Ran Out..., how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways!

First off the film stars Paul Newman, who proves that fifty-five years old was never more fuckable than when he was working it. Drink it in...


Mmmmmm. Secondly it stars as his love-interest Jacqueline "Busty" Bisset with a mop of frizztastic hair unrivaled this side of Orphan Annie.

Thirdly, Ditka Webster's papa Alex Karras!

Fourthly, William Holden!


And Pat Morita!


And a pair of old coots played by Red Buttons
and Ernest Borgnine who start out hating each other...


... but through the bonding experience of trial and
FUCKING FIREBALLS TO THE FACE
become fast friends.


Aww shucks, old coots, ya plucking my heart-strings!

Fifthly, it has a bearded scientist running from an explosion.


That's probably the most important aspect
of being an Awesome Movie. But When Time Ran Out...
takes it even further. It has erupting volcanoes...


... and earthquakes...


... and rockslides...


... and tidal waves...


It has colorful island locals.


(Who almost all die in the tidal wave.)

It has little kids watching their father fall to his death.


It has rich people in polyester leisure-suits attacking a helicopter,
trying to escape the island...


... which doesn't work out too well.


It has this shot:


I don't know, I just like that shot.

And it all builds to two things: the hotel-exploding lava-bomb seen at the start of this post (yeah, uh, spoiler! That's the ending!), and a scene that's about 20 minutes long just before it where our scraggly group of slowly-picked-off survivors who are making their way across the island to safety have to cross a bridge over a river of lava.


Excuse me, let me sell that the right way: Where they have to cross A Fucking Bridge Over A Fucking River Of Fucking Lava!!!

Which they slowly set across...

... just a few at a time since the bridge...

... starts collapsing...

... and tossing them in...

Sorry, blond-lady-I-don't-remember!

Eek! No! Not Mr. Miyagi!

Yes. Mr. Miyagi. (RIP Mr. Miyagi)

Thankfully, Burgess Meredith shows up with an already-supplied circus back-story (and a dead wife in the bushes - poignant!) to help them across...

Naturally.

But Paul Newman almost falls in while carrying a little girl!

Actually, make that the World's Luckiest Little Girl:

I'll take her place! Somebody put me in her place!

I could've sworn that I'd posted about this film before but I can't seem to find the post. Huh. Anyway When Time Ran Out... was a favorite of mine when I was a kid and I just finally got a copy of it recently so it's long overdue that I give the flick some love.

Let me be very clear about one thing: there is a whooooole lotta boring ass bullshit that surrounds the above described awesomeness. Loads and loads of excruciating relationship nonsense (the three people most prominently displayed in the "Ways Not To Die" at the top, the dude and two chicks, figure into what might just be the most boring love triangle ever captured on film) that stretches on for infinity until you're praying for a lava-ball to hit you in the face.

But then there's a tidal wave or a shot of Mike Ditka Webster's papa Alex Karras (sidenote: I wish I lived in Webster's house. The one with all the secret passages. Remember that episode where the robber broke in and Webster had to hide using the secret passageways? It was Home Alone before Home Alone!) or Mr. Miyagi falls into a lava-river and everything between me and When Time Ran Out... is a-okay again. I love you, When Time Runs Out...! Never leave me!

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Previous Ways Not To Die: I'd Rather Die Than Be... Satan's Bitch! -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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Looks Can Kill

Apparently a slew of low-quality scans of the posters for the Clash of the Titans remake popped up briefly online today only to have the studio swing in on their winged horses and tell everybody to take them down. I really don't get why they do this junk - the stuff is out there and is not gonna go away, so why don't you just make haste and release hi-res versions of the images so we're not staring at crappy ones? Like these four:

You can see all eight right here.
For now, at least.

As for the images, I like what I am looking at. It struck me the other day that somehow some way I have become very enthusiastic about this movie. As much as I do enjoy the original it's the sorta flick that could, in the right hands - not that I'm sold on director Louis Leterrier, mind you - really benefit from an update. I'm not knocking Harryhausen's great great stop-motion work in the old movie, I love it I do, but as an entirely separate entity the story could exploit the hell outta new CG effects and show us something really really cool.

Plus Sam Worthington in a skirt. Ka-ching!
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The Gute's Gonna Party Down...

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... Yes, that's right: Steve Guttenberg is guest-starring
on the second season of Party Down. Die happy now, can I.

The show returns in April.
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I Am Link (and Link and Link and Link)

Somehow in the span of just a couple of days away from the computer I missed a ridiculous amount of news, so I'm gonna try to just dump this all out in one massive post. Let me know if there's anything I might've missed that you think I might wanna make myself aware of in the comments! I'm sure there's bunches.

--- Cast Me In - Filming has begun on the Let the Right One In remake, called Let Me In, and some new faces were added to the cast including the much-liked-by-me Elias Koteas. I am so on the fence with this film; every time I think I'm gonna be angry about it they hire somebody like Koteas or Richard Jenkins that I really like and I begin to wonder if it's possible to construct something under the umbrella of American film-making that might as least have some of the beauty and horror of the original... I wonder. I doubt, doubt muchly, but I wonder.

--- More Horrible - Apparently Joss is hard at work on the sequel to Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, and has already written a couple of songs, says Captain Hammer himself. Get 'er done!

--- Bah Humbug Bunny - Why the hell is Robert Zemeckis so invested in his dead-eyed animated monsters? Now he's gonna make a second Roger Rabbit movie and cram in performance-captured characters that will scare the living bejesus out of Roger and pals. Why, Robert? Why?

--- Zombies V Ghosts - My bud Sean wrote up his opinions on the movie Zombieland as well as the movie Paranromal Activity while I was away and as always when reading what he's got to say I find myself nodding so hard I dislocate my neck. Especially with the point about Zombieland he makes where the film really lost him - he voices something I felt but really wasn't able to put into words in my own review but am totally on-board with.

--- Roar Them Candles Down - Yesterday was Gojira's 55th birthday. Happy stomp stomp!

--- A New Haunt - And speaking of Paranormal Activity, a little more talk about the sequel's been bandied about. Via AICN:

"In Viacom's earnings call Tuesday morning, CEO Philippe Dauman said the movie has been one of those surprise hits that comes along only rarely.

Given that a follow-up release wouldn't have the same element of surprise as "Paranormal," it will be key to craft a smart approach to a sequel, he said. "Our team will come up with the right creative and marketing approach," he told analysts. "

At least he bothered to use the word "creative" there, right? Even though the marketing's what it's all about in the end.

--- Third Witch - Also a repercussion of Activity's success? And a happy one at that? There might be a third Blair Witch film after all. Says Eduardo Sanchez, co-director of Blair Witch, also via AICN:

"They'd pick up from where the original left off, pretending Blair Witch 2 never happened. The duo recently went on a drive through their original Blair Witch haunts, about a half hour from Sánchez's Maryland home, looking for inspiration.

They've worked up a treatment for a new story, which would involve original cast members Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard and Michael C. Williams, albeit in smaller roles.

"We're at the step where we're about to pitch to Lionsgate, which owns the movie rights now. It's pretty much up to them. They can completely squash it or greenlight it.""

I want this to happen, please.

--- Bye Bye Boo - I missed the last couple of days of Final Girl's Shocktober Countdown but thankfully Miss Stacie rounded up the whole blessed month's worth of events right here in this post.

--- Marty's Boos - Meanwhile Martin Scorsese went and named his 11 favorite scary movies. It's a great list, of course - the man knows movies.

--- Penny ♥s Pedro - Thanks to A Blog Next Door for reminding me about this interview with Penelope Cruz and Pedro Almodovar at the NYT (and pointing out the exact same quote that made me like Penny even more); anyway I read it before I left and really enjoyed it.

--- Not Nazi So Much - Speaking of interviews at NYT there's a good if brief chat with Michael Haneke up on The White Ribbon and the complicated relationship between the themes Haneke wanted to investigate and the actual history he's placed the film inside of. I think the interviewer is maybe placing a little too much emphasis on historical accuracy as something, well, at all important to Haneke - it's really just about exploring the broader themes within a useful context. Still, it's an interesting conversation. Anyway, there are quotes from the Q&A I attended and mentioned in my own review of the film to be had in the article here.

--- Match Made In Perfection - Sigourney Weaver just joined the cast of Miguel Arteta's next film, called Cedar Rapids. The film stars Ed Helms and also Anne Heche and John C. Reilly. Arteta you oughta know is the guy who directed Chuck & Buck and The Good Girl, and is therefore someone I oughta talk up more. But I always give those film's credit to Mike White, who wrote them. Shame on me; obviously Arteta deserves some credit there. And now he's got Siggy!

--- Scream On - Kevin Williamson's talking up the fourth Scream script which he's about done with (and moving onto a fifth). Says Kevin:

""The fourth one is an ensemble. It'll take place right now, 10 years later, and it's going to take place in [Sidney Prescott's hometown of] Woodsboro. We'll have our three main characters, and we'll be introducing several more" says Williamson.

He adds that those 'several more' will essentially be the stars of this new trilogy - "We'll also be introducing a little group, a little ensemble of new castmembers. That'll take us through the next three.""

--- Dolphy Dick - How can I resist this post at The Film Experience where Nat proves he's got himself an encyclopedic knowledge of Dolph Lungren's nudity? I cannot. I can only bow down in awe. And add this Showdown in Little Tokyo movie immediately to my queue, wherein Brandon Lee apparently sees Mr. Lundgren naked and tells him he's got "the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." That's joy. (Relatedly, have y'all seen the recent naked pic (NSFW!) of the big D? That's what Brandon was talking about! Anyway Dolph is 52! And looking good.) Here's a previous gratuitous post for him. Rocky IV was vital to my development.

--- Yadda Babs - I will always and forever link to Stale Popcorn's Cinema of the Absurd posts because it's the series that made me fall for Glenn in the first place - today he took on The Mirror Has Two Faces and if you'd asked me before if I'd ever seen the film I would've said no but Glenn brought back a flood of memories that yes, I have seen this ridiculous movie at some point in time. The horror.

--- Tannis, Kim - I think that Sunset Gun writer Kim Morgan is trying to woo me - she dressed as Rosemary Woodhouse for Halloween this year. And posted a bunch of pictures of herself. At the party at the Playboy Mansion. Egads.

--- And finally, I want you all to close your eyes and picture Mr. T and E.T. having hot sweaty unprotected sex together. It's hot, right? Well look at the horror your brain has wrought!!! (via)

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Happy 40, Matthew McConaughey

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This Is... Something... To Come Home To

Hello y'all, I'm back. Sorta. My flight got in later than anticipated this morning and I am running on nothing but fumes, but I am here. Whee. Don't expect much from me today. Don't do it! Tis a fool's errand! But of course I've gotta comment on... this. The trailer for Jake's Prince of Persia has arrived. And I think it can be summed up in a single frame:

"Durr!!! to the rescue!"

Oh I'm kidding Jake, don't get your lederhosen all twisted up. It's actually slightly less silly than I was anticipating - I was anticipating a whole lotta silly, obviously - meaning I will feel slightly less humiliated when I see it in the theater on opening weekend than I thought I would. I don't mind the accent Jake's working and he looks good swinging his big sword around...

I'm not the person anyone should be looking to for any kind of unbiased reaction to this though. Jake looks like he had some fun in the desert in warrior-drag for a couple of months, and there are worse ways for me to spend a couple of hours. I mean, I could try watching The Day After Tomorrow again... even Jake's not gonna advise that.

Anyway, here's the trailer:
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A Happiest All Hallows To Y'all And Yours!

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I mentioned this in passing a couple of weeks back but I am off as of this afternoon for a long weekend of gory and ghoulish activities and won't be around to post again until Tuesday. So I hope everyone has the merriest of unholy holidays this weekend!

In fact, use the comments here to tell me all about your holiday! It's my favoritest holiday of all (shocker) and I wanna know what you did. Did you dress up? As what? Tell me, dammit! Did you scare the trick-r-treaters? Give them apples instead of candy and subsequently (deservedly) get t-p'd? Did you do the t-p-ing? Share! And everyone have a good one. Say a prayer unto Vincent Price. And I will... see you next Tuesday! (heh)
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Hands Up & Grab The Wall, Michael Fassbender

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Dunno if you remember Blood Creek, the Joel Schumacher movie about occult-worshipping Nazis that got dropped into a few dollar theaters with no warning whatsoever a few weeks back, but STYD has had some news on it - firstly, it's getting a DVD release on January 19th.

And secondly, they have a pair of new pics from it, that one above of star (and MNPP crush) Michael Fassbender looking positively dastardly (swoon), and then another Fassbender-less one at their site. Mmmm Fassbender. All about the Fassbender! It really is at the point where I will watch absolutely anything that he's in. But I must say that occult-worshiping Nazis are a definite bonus.
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Eleven Frames From The Descent

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Two Boo Bits

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--- Re Xenomorph - In a chat with Empire, Ridley Scott speaks up a lil' bit on the Alien prequel he is now working on. Choice bit:

“It’s a brand new box of tricks,” said Sir Ridley. “We know what the road map is, and the screenplay is now being put on paper. The prequel will be a while ago. It’s very difficult to put a year on Alien, but [for example] if Alien was towards the end of this century, then the prequel story will take place thirty years prior.”

As I've stated every time the subject's come up I have mixed feelings about Scott returning to the franchise he mastered way back in '79 - I think he's becoming a crappy film-maker - but I'm such a sucker for this monster I'll never not go see one of the movies. Well that's not entirely true I suppose, I did skip the last AVP movie. Even I have my limits, people! They're malnourished as hell and hanging on by the thinnest of threads, but they're there.

--- And then there's this fun news via Slash:

"Grindhouse Releasing is bringing Sam Raimi’s original horror classic THE EVIL DEAD back to the big screen as a midnight movie.

Raimi and producers Robert Tapert and Bruce Campbell gave the go-ahead for a series of EVIL DEAD revival screenings to Grindhouse Releasing partner Bob Murawski, the film editor of Raimi’s SPIDER MAN 1, 2 & 3, DRAG ME TO HELL and the EVIL DEAD sequel ARMY OF DARKNESS.

Stephen King hailed THE EVIL DEAD as “the most ferociously original film of the year”? when the film premiered in 1981. Shot in Michigan and Tennessee, Raimi’s low-budget debut was released independently with a self-imposed ‘No One Under 17′ rating for its graphic violence and gore.

... “Nothing can prepare an audience for what they are about to see, because nothing punishes an audience like EVIL DEAD - especially on the big screen,” says Bruce Campbell. “I’m really glad it’s back. People are gonna be hurt.”

Formed by actor/director Sage Stallone and Murawski, Grindhouse Releasing restores and distributes classic horror and exploitation films. The company teamed with Quentin Tarantino in the ’90s to revive Lucio Fulci’s Italian horror classic THE BEYOND.

A similar theatrical break is planned for THE EVIL DEAD, with midnight screenings in select theaters across the U.S. and Canada."

This news doesn't really mean much to me because I'm fairly certain the film's played about one thousand times at screenings in the years I've lived here in NYC , but for those of you who don't live in an obscene-cinematic-wonderland this probably means y'all will get a shot at seeing that bad-ass Ash super-big real soon, which rocks. Here's the trailer for The Evil Dead just cuz tis the season and what-not:

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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

Terry was once just a mild-manned girl, innocent,
filled with dreams and hopes like any other girl...

... UNTIL SHE WENT BAD!

Smoking dope, doing all kinds of stuff!


Dancing with strange men! Out all night!

REEFER!!!

Then along came this sweet couple, Roman and Minnie...


They didn't have to help her... but they did...

They helped her... STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!


Their charity isn't borne a CHRISTIAN birth...
It spills straight out of...


SATAN'S MAD WOMB!!!


Best beware! Don't answer the door!


Or they'll get you next!


And now, won't you please...


PRAY FOR ROSEMARY'S BABY!

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Previous Ways Not To Die: The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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