Friday, December 19, 2014

A Taste Of Bomer

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Really I just don't want that Birdman review sitting at the top of the front page the whole weekend long, so here's a new-ish picture of Matt Bomer, which is much more palatable. Have a great weekend, everybody! I'll be around for the first two days of next week, before the Holidays abscond with me for a bit that is, so I'll see you then and oh what holly jolly fun it will be.
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And You, This Is What I Think Of You, Birdman

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It begins with a drumming sound, pa-pum, pa-pum, pa-pum-pum-pum. It's arrhythmic, shaky, and it pulses with strange colors. What you see, it spins, quivers - the edges are blurred and your eyes dart around, looking, looking, you keep looking, and looking, and looking. And looking. Help never comes. It's a fucking heart attack, or maybe it's a bird a plane a movie called Birdman -- it doesn't matter any more, all you know is it's you or them, you or Alejandro González Iñárritu, one of you have got to go, and much like Alejandro González Iñárritu you are way too attached to you and your special-snowflake-selfness. So you think hey, I know, I can take the DVD out of the DVD player and I can eat it, I can grind it up between my teeth and chew it until I choke on it, and maybe everything will be better then? Maybe the room will stop spinning and the poison, the quickened pulse of bile burning your throat, maybe it will stop, stop, stand stock still, maybe? No no it spins, it spins, pa-pum, pa-pum, pa-pum-pum-pum, they keep chattering, the noises, the voices, the bug-eyes and the incessant I-Know-Better bullshit pouring out of every single orifice, it never ever stops, never not ever. This is what death is for monsters. Monsters that have it coming. We all went on a long trek through the wilderness, we fought valiant battles, we climbed the mountain and forded the river and slept on the hard stones and cried ourselves to sleep in each other's arms; many were lost on this journey, those we loved some and those we loved a lot and those we only kind of liked, but not really. We fought and we wound our way and we found the uniquely sparkly sword buried under the sands of time and Instagram filters; we tripped and fumbled our way through mazes and mutinies -- and we found it! We found the monster! And we killed it! And it is dead! And it is us, all over us, death and monstrousness, spittle and inanity, unceasing, rocking in our seats, pa-pum, pa-pum, pa-pum-pum-pum, unceasing, serious as a poodle in a miniskirt sipping on an apple martini.
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To Reese, Diverged In A Wood

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Why can I never remember that I like Reese Witherspoon? I s'pose it was either the Jake Gyllenhaal situation or the Four Christmases period where we soured on each other, me and the aura of Reese, but I never go into any of her movies anymore anticipating Reese-centric pleasure. So I went into Wild looking forward to precisely one thing - Laura Dern, natch. (You know my good friend, Laura Dern?) Laura kept her end of the bargain, she always does and then some (she's terrific and precise with a literally sketchy character that could've been an oatmeal nightmare in somebody's less capable hands), but Reese, Reese was very fine, and in much the same way - this character (and the film as a whole) could've blown patchouli dust in my eyeballs and made me run, but Reese (and the film as a whole) kept it even-keeled and anti-obnoxious. 

It's a much smaller, more intimate movie than I anticipated - for all the miles she treks, it's really only about the slightest shift in perception by the end. A shift that makes a gigantic difference of course, but I suppose I feared the movie would be histrionic about it, as if this blonde lady's plight was shaking the Earth to its core, and it wasn't. The one issue I kept actually having with the movie was this narrowness of scope - I feel as if it skimps some on the Nature flavor; I wanted more Pacific Coast grandeur! There are really only a couple of times the movie decides to gives us the standard postcard pretty pictures I'd gone in anticipating, and honestly I wanted more. Gimme some Nature Porn, you guys! It's not just that I want to stare at pretty things (the movie does have shirtless Michiel Huisman in it, on that count) - I think it's important to the story, seeing the way this external environment affects her on an external scale. The movie's more interested in staying internal about it, though. It's not a terrible choice - it does keep it from being a generic travelogue. But I think they might've scaled it down a wee, just a wee, bit too much.
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No Good Deed in 200 Words or Less

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I'm almost afraid to go read other people's reviews about No Good Deed because I remember the movie being dismissed as garbage left and right and center and I'm sure, I'm positive, that they'll make good points and make me feel, in return, like a garbage heap for enjoying the movie. But I did, I did enjoy it, so eff you, taste-makers. I'll roll around in my garbage heap if I wanna, especially if it involves rolling around with Idris effin' Elba.

Oh sure, the movie's nothing more than retro Lifetime malarkey, but... with really, really attractive people. And yes Taraji P Henson's character keeps doing the dumbest things in the world -- to quoth the Craven, "Some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door" -- over and over and over again... but that's part and parcel of the routine. Sometimes you just want the routine. You want to plop a bowl of popcorn in your lap while wearing your Friday night sweatpants and turn off all the lights and pretend that Idris Elba is sneaking in your backdoor. You feel me.
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Out With The Old (Face)

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TV Line's reporting that Michael Pitt's decided not to return to Hannibal for its third season as the eccentric psychopath (is there any other kind) Mason Verger, and that the terrific actor Joe Anderson, seen above, will be replacing him. As TV Line notes, with a fair amount of spoilage, this won't be too distracting as, well, Mason was going to look different the next time we saw him anyway after, you know, things happened. I'm actually incredibly happy about this - I thought Pitt was good on the show (I loved the Lynchian flourish he brought to the role) but I've always thought he seemed rather insufferable, while Joe's always seemed like a good guy and a tremendously underrated actor to boot. I mean clearly I don't know either of these dudes but I look I pay attention and I craft narratives in my head, and this one works out in my favor, so whatever. (Also TV Line includes a shot that Anderson posted of himself in make-up on Instagram but they don't include a link to said Instagram and I can't for the life of me find it; I'd love to follow him! Does anybody have the link?)

In related news, have y'all see any of the pictures from the set? I'm not going to link to any, you can find them if you look around and I don't want to be the one to spoil anyone, but man I can't wait for this show to be back.
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Which Is Hotter?

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Singer Ed Sheeran dressed as Chucky for Halloween, or 
rugby player Thom Evans dressed as Patrick Bateman?
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I apologize to Ed for what will undoubtedly be an enormous, humiliating, emasculating loss on his part, but, and this is totally true, I stumbled upon these two pictures in the past 24 hours in totally separate places while in both cases I was looking for quite different things, and it seemed as if Fate was forcing my hand to do this poll. Sorry, Ed! As for Thom, well, if I start posting Thom Evans pictures I will never ever stop, but hey let's at least post one more since, I mean, we're already here and everything...


I Am Link

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--- Mountain Man - We've posted a couple of these already (that Jessica Chastain in Crimson Peak picture, those Charlie Cox in Daredevil pictures) but EW's latest issue is looking ahead to next year's movies and has our first looks at a bunch of things; The Playlist helpfully gathered them up in one spot right here. There's Neil Blomkamp's Chappie, there's Tina Fey & Amy Poehler in Sisters, and there's that shot of Jake Gyllenhaal in Everest, seen to the left. Thinking about Everest makes me sad because the studio forced me to remove the pictures of Jake naked on the set from the blog awhile back. Sad. (I mean I still have them on my computer, obviously. And if you google them they're still online elsewhere. I'll go look at them now!)

--- From The Ash's - Apparently also in this issue of EW they talk to Bruce Campbell some about the Evil Dead TV series that he's making with Sam Raimi (I still have to slap myself when I hear this news again, I go all slack-jawed yokel thinking about it) - the whole interview's not available yet but STYD has a couple of brief snippets. This shit is so crazy. So crazy!

--- Look Behind You - I think I even mentioned here at the blog that I wasn't going to watch a trailer for the upcoming hella-hyped horror movie It Follows because I prefer skipping horror trailers since they give the good stuff away a lot of the time, but I caved last night after everybody was talking about how good the new trailer is, and oh my god it looks good!!! I want I want! It has a US date now too - February 27th.

--- Ice Maker - Is it wrong that the name Robert Rodriguez doesn't excite me anymore? In theory, once upon a time, seeing that he's attached to make a live-action version of Ralph Bahski's Fire and Ice, that should sound cool, right? But unless they give him a real budget... I don't know. I'd kinda rather just look at Bashki's art. And I'm kind of sick of all RR's stunt-casting. I think it was hiring Mel Gibson that soured me the most, probably.
--- Climb The Wall -  Zhang Yimou is making an epic movie about the Great Wall (it's also somehow supernatural centered?) in China but it will be English-language and it will probably star Matt Damon. That's all fine and good. But now they've gone and added A Game of Thrones' Pedro Pascal to the cast, and we can truly be enthusiastic!

--- Grief Stricken - Sure I'll link to a couple more Babadook reviews, why not - here's Capone at AICN talking about the movie, making the point that the movie works so well unlike so many modern horror flicks because gosh darn it it cares about its characters, and here's our pals at Kindetrauma finding some echoes of Bava in there that hadn't occurred to me til they said it.

--- Hero Fatigue - This interview with Joss Whedon (done from the set of the second Avengers movie) starts off by telling us how exhausted he is, and from there on out it shows - while he gets a couple of good lines in (tell us more about your underwear, Joss) his rambling is the rambling of a very very tired person who has answered all these damn superhero questions before.

--- And Finally, I can co-sign this sort of manipulation: Over at The Film Experience Nathaniel used The Hobbit's latest subtitle about Five Armies as an excuse to post pictures of some of his favorite movies about the military, specifically the men in the military, specifically all the hot ones. Come for the beautiful boys of Unbroken, and stay for Monty Clift in From Here To Eternity:


Who Wore It Best?

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Der Deutsche Bleach n' Buzz: 
Til Schweiger in What To Do In Case of Fire
or Thomas Krestchmann in The Stendhal Syndrome?
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See more of Til here and more of Thomas here and here.

A happy 51st birthday to Til!
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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I See You Charlie

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A pair of new pictures of the sight-less superhero Daredevil and the looker who's playing him Charlie Cox have dropped (via DH) - one of Charlie in his hero costume and one of him out of it. Well not out out - not naked, sadly. He's got all those dumb clothes on. Dumb dumb dumb, fire the costume designer, hire Mother Nature to dress him in just breeze and his natural and perfect downiness.


Good Morning, Jake

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Happy Gyllen-day, everybody! Jake's turning 34 years hot today, and so per usual here are some pictures of him I've posted at least fifteen hundred times before. Whatcha gonna do? He doesn't make movies often enough to keep up with what is quite obviously an insatiable psychosis on my, I hope our, part. Speaking of parts...

... say what you will about Love and Other Drugs (and I did), it did give us plenty to be thankful for. Here's the gratuitous post I did for the movie way back when, it's got all your Jake needs. I wasn't giffing so much back then though, so maybe it is the first time I've posted this stuff here in this way? Whatever, MNPP could just be these pictures posted every hour on the hour until the end of time and I'd feel more accomplished than Mother Theresa.

I know how you feel, dude!
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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

...sweatin' it with Superman.

(pics via) Apparently that's Henry Cavill's train...er walking with him there. You thought I was going to say "train...ing bra" didn't you? Come on let's be real Henry's well past needing a training bra - he's well into a C cup.
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Todays Mood

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Just When I Thought I Was Out...

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... they drag me right back in!

The Playlist just posted a new clip and a new trailer for Clint Eastwood's American Sniper, coming like a day after the last round we couldn't get enough of, and sure enough they went and snuck these shots of Beefy Bradley Cooper into it to make us sit up and take notice yet again. Sneaks! Honestly though, Bradley, this is the look. This is really how you should look all of the time, man. Hit the jump for a couple more shots and the trailer...

I Am Link

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--- Jungle Fever -  Like chocolate and peanut butter, like the Captain and Tenille, here are two flavors that go awesome together - a mother- fucking velociraptor and Chris Pratt with big bulging forearms and a tight pair of trousers. S'all ya need! Director Colin Trevorrow tweeted that Jurassic World picture out yesterday - well I doubt it's actually a shot from the movie since it's silly, them standing side by side looking into the camera and what not, but you get the idea.

--- Seth's Side - Unless something even more bonkers happens regarding The Interview today I think I'll lay off the horn for now, after going at it all morning - but here, let me link to this interview with Seth Rogen at the Village Voice, which was conducted before all this nonsense busted out but will probably be the last thing you read of this sort until he and Franco make whatever move they make next to talk about all of this.

--- First Peak - Lotsa horror-tinged things today - The Playlist has got the first official image of Jessica Chastain in Guillermo Del Toro's upcoming gothic-horror piece Crimson Peak, and she looks spookily smashing. (Although the over-saturated bluse-green thing... might be a little played out?) We did see some shots of the actors (besides Chastain we're talking Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, and Charlie Hunnam) on the set too, you might recall. The movie's out in time for Halloween next year.

--- Flamingo King - With all the John Waters related things that I've done (I've seen him do multiple Q&As, I've seen him introduce Final Destination, I've seen his Christmas Show and I've seen him kiss Joel Grey on the cheek at an art gallery) you'd think I'd have seen one of his art shows by now but I have not, I am a failure. But not for long - he's got a show opening at a gallery in January, huzzah! Here's Vulture talking about John's life in the art world in general, which alerted me to this news.

--- Webby One - Will any more news be released via all of those Sony email leaks or did cutting off the movie's release stop that up? Last interesting tidbit I heard was that the studio's working things out with Marvel on the character of Spider-Man, that he'll probably show up in one of their next movies (perhaps the third Captain America even), and that they're talking about recasting Andy Garfield with Logan Lerman.

--- Just Dandy - I already linked to one interview with American Horror Story's Finn Wittrock yesterday but this one at Buzzfeed was conducted by my pal Jarett, which brings me exactly one degree away from Finn now, so clearly I have to double-dip.I liked last night's AHS a lot (Pepper!) but man when Finn's not onscreen I'm always just waiting and waiting for him to show up.

--- After Birth - Major Spoilers ahead but if you've seen The Babadook by now (and you really really really have no excuse for not having seen The Babadook by now, you guys) you'll definitely want to read this terrific piece at Grantland dissecting the ways in which the film shakes up the idea of the Mother figure in horror movies in fascinating ways. I concur!

--- The Year One - Over at The Film Experience Nathaniel's taking a look at all 25 movies that just got added to the National Film Registry, which includes (I can't believe it wasn't there already) my favorite movie of all time, Rosemary's Baby. All of them witches!
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:


Detective Harrison: You wanna get hurt? 
Ronnie: You didn't bring enough pigs to hurt me. 

Seeing as how #1 - it's Ray Liotta's 60th birthday, and #2 - we're vibing on Seth Rogen offending the world, this seemed like the right way to mash-up everything concerned into a smoothie of deliciousness and chug chug chug it down today. Remember how pissed off this movie made people? I think we do Seth a discredit, acting as if he's been this harmless hairy buffoon all this time. Anyway happy 60, Ray!
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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I had planned something else for today's Death Scene Du Jour, but when opportunity comes a knockin' you grab that bitch by the balls. And what we have here is an opportunity!

Articles, of which we're going to see plenty, like this one at The Atlantic saying "North Korea is not funny" seem to me to miss the ballgame - what's the saying? We laugh so we don't cry? Arguing that The Interview is too much a cock-centric trifle to take seriously in this way is well well well beyond the point at this point - Seth Rogen's silly "I shoved a rocket up my pooper" comedy is right now a Very Very Very Important Movie, and to whine about its original intentions is to stand on the dock fishing while the Titanic is taking off from port. Maybe you don't want Seth Rogen talking for us but hey-oh, he's the Emissary we have today. That furry fucker's potty humor just lit up the world whether you like it or not. Listen, every bit of light shining on the world's evils helps. All that I'm saying is don't shoot the messenger, even if - especially if! - he's got a rocket up his pooper.

Hit the jump for links to Previous Ways Not To Die