Thursday, July 24, 2014

Christmas Again Woman (aka 3 Reviews)

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Happy Christmas -- How nice that we have a director like Joe Swanberg working today, you guys. That's all I could think while watching Happy Christmas. How nice that somebody's getting movies made with complicated roles like this for terrific actresses, and who seems to delight in pointing his camera at terrific actresses so much. He really might be the closest thing we've got to a John Cassavetes (certainly closer than his son, whose godawful latest movie we're reviewing third in this post) - I kind of wish Joe would reunite with his Gena Rowlands (that'd be Greta Gerwig) now that I'm placing things in probably blasphemous to some of y'all terms and give us the Great Film he's probably capable of making, but spending a somewhat slight hour and a half watching Anna Kendrick and Melanie Lynskey and Lena Dunham push at the edges of likeable, stretching it towards something more human than just that, is nothing you're gonna hear me knocking. Same with his Jane Adams movie All the Light in the Sky last year - this is a good place, Joe Swanberg. Keep doing these movie things you're doing.

Begin Again -- Speaking of directors I just enjoy swimming in the head-space of, John Carney once again (ha ha see what I did there... cuz he made Once, get it get it?) makes the act of creating beautiful music akin to, well the act of creation itself - he makes me feel alive. Okay I am alive, last I checked, but more alive. You know what I mean. He sways his hands to and fro and clears out the cobwebs, and let's in some guilt-free sunshine - I never even care that we're following the tried-and-true-and-trudged-into-oblivion tropes of the genre because dammit, he's got me humming. A la the poster for Last House on the Left he's got me repeating - I won't be ashamed that I've been listening to an Adam Levine song on repeat for a week ever since I saw this movie, I won't be ashamed that I've been listening to an Adam Levine song on repeat for a week ever since I saw this movie, I won't be ashamed... you get the point. If it's not quite a Once for me that leaves plenty of room for goodness - the fact that I can say that I'm in a place now that it seems weird that I ever disliked Keira Knightley testifies to all kinds of wiggle-room here, on the right side of that.

The Other Woman -- One of those movies you watch where you're just eyeballs agape at how anybody thought what they were making was in any way a good idea. Who are the human beings who make such things? I think, first and foremost, they are not human beings. I think this might be a plot. Movies like this, these expressions of bizarre inhuman tics played for inexplicable hollow laughs, they are a plot like Invasions of the Body Snatchers was a plot. These movies are the demonic cocoons that aliens of ill intent mean to destroy us with. Rise up, actual humanity! Put an end to this before it's too late! Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is for loving, he is not for stapling gigantic nipples to and pushing through glass walls! I feel like that's just a basic test that any actual human being would pass, and it's how we can sort out the aliens from the rest of us. Ask them what Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is for, and if they say the nipples-and-glass thing, shoot them in the head.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

To Die For (1995)

Suzanne Stone Maretto: You know Mr. Gorbachev, 
the guy that ran Russia for so long? I am a firm believer 
that he would still be in power today 
if he had had that ugly purple thing taken off his head. 

Happy 62, Gus Van Sant!

Which is Hotter?

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Patrick Wilson in the Insidious movies
or Brad Pitt in Troy?
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At first blush a random pairing, to be sure -- so what do they have in common? Their lady, that's what. (Or rather who.) It's Rose Byrne dipping her stick into both of these sexy wells, and Rose Byrne is turning 35 today so here we are. Lucky, lucky, lucky Rose.


Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Oh dear, things aren't looking good for that poor bullfrog.
Put your lips together and hit the jump for the rest!
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Big Hero, Little Gun

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I'm finding it really difficult to not make some sort of Chris Pratt + squirting pun here... damn. (via, thanks Mac)
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Quote of the Day

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"If I were to do this again, I would play her as myself and it would be live-action. ‘Cause everyone has to get older, darling. ... It would be exciting. We never finished the story; it’d be fun to finish it. They’d probably give me a cane, though. Hobble around. It would be fun to complete it. I didn’t feel it was the right time back when we were doing [Alien: Resurrection], but I kind of feel like now we would do a good job."

You guys - Sigourney Weaver really wants to make another Alien movie. It's becoming super clear, she's said something along these lines recently too, and now here she is turning an interview (thanks Mac) about the upcoming Alien videogame, which she did some Ripley work for, into a call for more - please please please tell me somebody is listening. Ridley Scott! You put down those gay swords and you get your ass over here right this second! You make Prometheus 2 into Alien 5 somehow, I don't care how. You put Michael Fassbender's decapitated head into cryo-sleep for however long it takes, and you cut to the bag being opened and Ripley staring down at him. YOU DO THAT RIGHT NOW, RIDLEY SCOTT.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... deep diving with Nev Schulman.
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I guess today is all about the speedo - first we got that Jason Statham video and now this. Nev in all his furry glory only shows up at the end of the video to pose and flex for a hot second, but it's a perfectly fine hot second, it is. (See previous Nev appreciations here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here.) And the rest of the video is a couple of cute dudes hanging around in speedos too, pretending it's silly that they'd ever wear speedos, when I was having a just fine time watching them in speedos. So basically, watch the video. And after the jump a couple more pics of Nev...

Finally The Jason Statham Diving Video

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Do you guys have any idea how long I have been waiting for video of this to show up in the world? In case you're unawares, Jason Statham was briefly a professional diver, before becoming mister big man action movies. The only evidence we've had of this for ages and ages has been a couple of pictures, see them here and here. Which seemed insane - he was doing this in 1990 or so - we had invented the camera at that point! The moving camera, even!

Well somebody finally dug the damned video up that I knew was out there in the world. (Somebody = Jason's agent, digging through his underwear drawer.) Behold!
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Honestly I don't know how long that copy will last on YouTube, they seem to be being snatched away, but you can probably still watch it here if that one disappears. Or you can look at all the pictures I've placed after the jump, that'll work too...

Good Morning, Mr. Grey

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A million laptops just slid off a million moist laps this morning, as the trailer for the mommy-porn-du-jour Fifty Shades of Grey hit. Watch, wonder, cat-call and cream yourselves...
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Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a little bit of misogyny in the collective disdain for this series - it's why I stopped making fun of Twilight eventually, because the fan-boy groans that series was met with felt a wee bit off, like how dare girls have dumb stuff too. Not that I ever got around to Twilight - I accepted they just weren't meant for me and moved on. With Grey though...

... there,seems to be some stuff that's meant for me in this trailer. It's funny, coming on the heels of my recent re-obsession with American Psycho - I don't doubt that the Grey books are shit, I've read passages, they are unbelievably embarrassing, but the fact that a woman is making this movie (like Mary Harron made Psycho) is kind of offering me hope.

Then again, unlike American Psycho, a woman also wrote this claptrap, so maybe my comparison's moot. It's not like Sam "Mrs. Aaron Johnson" Taylor-Wood is spinning around a man's misogynist vision from a feminist perspective. This is all on you, ladies. So hit the jump and put it on you...

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Just Cuz We're Pretty Everybody's Jealous

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I honestly literally don't even know what to do with myself in the wake of today's announcement that the Film Society of Lincoln Center is hosting a John Waters retrospective in September. It's not just that they're showing all of his movies, and he'll be there for a bunch of them, including the early stuff that he's the only person even with copies of. It's that they're showing those early movies on a night they're calling "Celluloid Atrocity Night" and it's taking place on September 11th. (I'm pretty sure we now know that the fox in Antichrist actually said "BAD TASTE REIGNS.") It's that they're showing Polyester in Odorama, with the scratch-n-sniff cards. It's that John Waters is going to be introducing a screening of FINAL DESTINATION. I am at a total loss, you guys. It's like all the oxygen has been sucked out of my balls. It's too much. TOO MUCH!


Ryan Kwanten Three Times

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This Is My Sophie's Choice

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Egads it's another painful instance of how living in New York can sometimes present me with terrible choices between incredibly awesome things. The night of August 1st shall tear me in twain! I've already got tickets to see the Talking Heads doc Stop Making Sense at the Film Society of Lincoln Center with living genius David Byrne attending for a Q&A. David Byrne! David fucking Byrne!

But just now I've spotted that the Anthology Film Archives is doing a Klaus Kinski retrospective from July 31st to August 10th and the night of August 1st they are showing the awesome WTF-ery of Crawlspace, and the director David Schmoeller will be there! CRAWLSPACE, you guys. Let me refresh your memory - Crawlspace, the movie where Klaus Kinski wears Cosby sweaters as an exiled Nazi who kills people by shooting arrows up their butts. Crawlspace, the movie with Tané. Tané!!!

Style Maven, Songstress, Icon. What if Tané shows up too??? What if I could get a picture of myself with Tané, and I miss that opportunity? What if I could sing a duet of her breakaway pop hit* called "Just Tonight" with her in person? WHAT IF THAT???? (*not a breakaway pop hit)


Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Here Comes The Nightcrawler Time

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I didn't even notice that the "skinny Jake Gyllenhaal movie" Nightcrawler was playing at TIFF when I skimmed the fest's titles the other day - I still haven't gotten the title Nightcrawler lodged in the front of my brain yet; it doesn't on its own jump out at me. Anyway they're working hard to change that - there was that terrific manic viral clip they dropped over the weekend, and now there's a more proper teaser trailer and that beautiful poster (via) to stare at. 
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I really, really, really wanna see this movie now. I feel bad that I doubted - I was irritated when Jake lost all the weight for this role, I feared McConaughey-esque awards-baiting, but looking at it in context, well, string me up as a pitiful Doubting Thomas and shame me in the public square. This movie seems way too weird, slash wonderful, for what I feared. Jake had that lull where he slowed down his career post a couple of flops and I kept whining about wanting more, but it seems he used the time well to find the right projects, because he's been on fire. End of Watch, especially Enemy, and even though I wasn't crazy about what he was doing in Prisoners (too twitchy) it was still an interesting movie. Anyway yeah, I'm talking to you, big boy. Keep it up.


Gratuitous Miguel Ángel Silvestre II

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It occurred to me yesterday that it'd been a little while since I went looking for pictures of Spanish actor Miguel Ángel Silvestre (best or maybe only known here in the US for Pedro Almodovar's last movie I'm So Excited... or maybe this gigantic previous gratuitous post I did for him, or maybe this one too) and that there might be a few pictures that I'd missed... a few was not what I found. A lot, a lot was what I found. Including these here shots from something called Sin Tetas no Hay Paraiso - I think that's a Colombian soap?

A Colombian soap that took the time out of its busy schedule to give a starring role to Miguel Ángel Silvestre's spandex-clad ass, that is. Sign me up!

Sign us all up! They've all got the right idea. Anyway I found a ton of new pictures of Miguel, so hit the jump and take it all in.

I Am Link

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--- Motion Picture Soundtracks - Sometimes a post shows up somewhere that just gets me - this lengthy piece at The Dissolve by David Erlich on the music of Radiohead finding its way onto movie soundtracks is one of those times. I'm sad to hear it was inspired by one of their greatest songs showing up in I Origins though - that movie's trailer with all that yucky Brit Marling in it made my skin crawl.

--- Little Big Man - There's not a whole lot to this chat with human wig-stand Corey Stoll but in it he does confirm he's definitely making Ant-Man, and he sounds really very excited about it. Says he:

"Reading the script – and the script that Edgar wrote, and the script that there is now – it’s insane that this movie hasn’t been made before. Obviously, you need the technology because it needs to look great. But the whole idea of the changing of scale and the experiential effect of size changing is just so cool. You read these scenes on the page, and I just got giddy. I think it’s gonna be so much fun. You can get a little fatigued with superheroes because everybody is just punching everybody, or shooting everybody with ray beams. This is a completely different kinetic experience in the theater. Shrinking and growing back, there’s just so much material there to root it in."

--- Hag Time - Slap on your ice skates and dig up your hag mask, it's time to celebrate Curtains-style - the 1983 slasher movie we've been watching on shitty and I mean shitty boot-leg copies for years and years is out on shiny remastered blu-ray next week, huzzah! In case you're all Whatchu-talkin-bout-Willis you can head over to Final Girl to get a sneak peek at the disc itself and hear from the lips of Stacie Ponder what she thinks of the movie. Also if you're all Whatchu-talkin-bout-Willis you need to update your cultural references. Have you been in a long-term coma or something? And if you have been in a long-term coma, this blog might not be the website you should be reading to catch up with the world via. I don't need that responsibility. Christ what a skewed world you'd see!

--- Blood Moon - Speaking of great little horror gems getting released onto blu-ray, the werewolf-menses movie Ginger Snaps got a terrific release this week, and if you've never seen it, see it see it see it. I love it so. Here's a piece at The Dissolve looking at it.

--- Second Rule - I don't know if you saw these gifs I posted over at the Tumblr earlier this week of Brad Pitt's ass in Fight Club, but there they are for you just in case you missed. Nobody should miss such things! Fight Club is in the air right now though - Slash has details on the comic-book based sequel that Chuck Palahniuk has written, picking up with our nameless protagonist a decade after the events of the first story... the comics start hitting the street next May.

--- Prior Further - I guess we've got our answer as to whether the third Insidious movie will be giving us more Patrick Wilson & Rose Byrne family-time - a big fat nope. Which really might be a relief, since after the events of the second film, that would've maybe been kind of hard to tackle convincingly - how many bad things can those folks get through? Anyway the third movie is a prequel and will be set at an unspecified past date with another family dealing with The Further. I bet they tie them together somehow before the end though. I just bet!
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--- Alien Encounter - The Film Experience and friends tackled Jonathan Glazer's unforgettable probably-already-a-classic Under the Skin last night for the "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" series - because there's not a single frame in that movie not worth looking at three times, the whole list of images will tickle your toes. There's also a nice piece at Buzzfeed about the movie's subversion of the male gaze right here. Everybody's writing about the film because it too hit blu-ray last week - I can't wait to re-watch it myself. I need to do a double-feature with Enemy.

--- And Speaking of ScarJo, that movie Lucy from Luc Besson is out this weekend and I really hadn't been giving it much thought (the trailer is so goddamned silly, with the hair-changing) but this review over at The Wire is making me rethink my stance - I hadn't bothered thinking how loopy Besson might go with the premise, I thought he might be reined in, but it sounds like he goes all the way and around the bend.
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Good Morning, World

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Happy 53 to Woody Harrelson today, who got me through the suffering of True Detective with some flapping remnants of sanity left to me - if it'd just been McConaughey's dopey cartoon drawl up in there I'd never have made it. Course maybe I should hold it against Woody - his being good kept me watching the damned show, when I should've quit it way before it meandered to its pointless conclusion. Aaaanyway I'm rooting for you and McBongo to split the vote at the Emmys to make sure that Bryan Cranston gets his rightful statue, Woody! Good luck!