Hi, Y'all

So my first day of jury selection is behind me! My first longest day of my life that is. SIGH. Seriously, this is some boring shit. I have to go tomorrow morning and see if I AM THE CHOSEN ONE or not; hopefully not. So things will continue being quiet until the earliest tomorrow afternoon... the latest... well, if I gets chosen, the trial's probably gonna last until the end of next week, and the Sunday after that I am going on vacation for a week... let's not speak of that ugliness right now though. Let's just pretend we're Markie Post and life is a cabaret...

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Just Once... Live

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I know, I said I was gone - I didn't think I'd have time to post tonight but I just got home and I'm on such a high I'd be angry with myself if I didn't mention it. I got to see The Swell Season, aka Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, aka the lovely Oscar winning duo from the movie Once, perform at Radio City Music Hall tonight, and they blew the fucking roof off the place. The two of them inspire my more sarcasm-free side - I get a little wistful, a little romantic, when talking about them, so forgive me if I get all mushy here - and seeing them together... well, I've purposefully, willfully stayed away from reading anything about the two of them in real life, outside of the film, since seeing the film, and tonight felt like I was experiencing Once, Part 2: The Tour or something. I fucking hate ever describing an experience with the word magical, but ... well, it was something akin to that, only less gross. Lovely, genuine people and musicians and their awe at being were they stood was palpable and inspiring.

Glen told a story about how two years ago he and Marketa were in NYC performing at a small LES space called Pianos and they were all jazzed that they'd sold it out, and they were walking around town and walked past Radio City and Glen pointed to it and said "Now that's the place to play," and then less than two years later there they stood. And the fuckers totally deserve it! Aye that's the rub.

Also, Marketa flew her entire family over from Czechoslovakia to see the show, and she brought her sister on stage and they performed a song from The Wicker Man together. I mean... how do I argue or get cynical with that?
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... And One Angry Dwarf

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I was really hoping I could avoid the 12 Angry Men thing in bringing up my having to fulfill my civic duty tomorrow morning and head to the courthouse for possibly jury duty, but I swear I can't think of another movie that's about jury duty. There've been plenty of "A Very Special 12 Angry Men rip-off Episode"'s of TV shows, where one of our beloved characters like Tootie or Julia Sugarbaker have to go and inevitably change everyone's closed minds on some topic or another... but not many other movies, right? 12 Angry Men kinda broke the mold, I guess.

If anyone has any other Jury Movie examples, fill me in. I've got my fingers crossed that I get called and it's some terribly scandalous murder trial with incestuous elderly twin sisters and arsenic drenched rags and toddlers baked into pies. Those trials are dime-a-dozen, right? Well wish me luck! And I'll be back when I am...
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Jake Gyllenhaal's Triumphant Return To The Wonderful World Of Spandex

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Although the company he's keeping is far less interesting than it was the last time we caught Mr. Gyllenhaal biking around town, it's still nice - reassuring, you might say - to see he hasn't totally lost interest in appearing in public in biking shorts ...

(via)
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"You are my lucky star. You... lucky, lucky..."

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I missed this week's Horror Roundtable at The Horror Blog not because of procrastination (as has happened in the past) but rather I simply couldn't conjure up an answer that satisfied me. The query:

"Name a piece of horror art or entertainment that you believe changed the genre, and explain how."

Thankfully the Roundtable's full of smarties who came up with some of the finest answers I've seen for the Roundtable so far.

Go check 'em out over at The Horror Blog.
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The Greatest Movie...

... that seemed as if it would be what Laura Mars would have directed if she'd been a movie director instead of a still photographer?

Lizard in a Woman's Skin (1971)

The film was actually directed by Italian horror master Lucio Fulci, but watching it last night all I could think of was Faye Dunaway's character in The Eyes of Laura Mars. Furs, blood, acid-trips, boobs! It had it all. Mars came out in '78 though, so I think it's pretty obvious who was "borrowing" their motifs from who. But you just know Laura would've had a print of this film somewhere in her library.

Sidenote: How did I only just now notice that John Carpenter wrote Eyes of Laura Mars? What's wrong with me? God.

Back to Lizard in a Woman's Skin, aka Schizoid, aka Carole (yeah, it's one of those movies with 50 different titles): I'm far from being a Fulci expert - besides this I think all I've seen in The House By The Cemetery, actually (yes, I've been meaning to get to Zombi 2 for ages), which I liked alright - but I quite liked most of LiaWS. It ran a little long and unmasked too many schemes for its own good, but it was entertainingly stylish and stylishly ridiculous enough, and lead actress Florinda Bolkan as the lead character Carole is a new style icon to my eyes - woman moved like she was born in a cape.


Anyway, I liked it so much that I went and watched the half-dozen or so trailers included on the DVD for other Fulci films, trying to gauge what else I should watch, and oh my god those are some of the worst trailers I've ever spied in my whole life. The House of Clocks, Touch of Death, and worst of all The Sweet House of Horror in which the main characters are two little children who sound as if they were dubbed by ninety-year old women inhaling helium. WTF? Is the problem here just the dubbing? The movies, even beyond that technical gaffe, looked terrible.

So, of course, I must see them.
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Quote of the Day

Everything coming up Spielberg this morning! After reading a trio of reviews for Indiana Jones and the Case of the Crystal Pepsi over at AICN - they ranged from liked to loved to Harry Knowles - I stumble upon this quote from Laura Dern (via, via) regarding a fourth Jurassic Park film:

"It isn't just speculation. It's a while away, but my understanding is it's happening and my character is very involved. I know Steven Spielberg is looking forward to getting it together over the next year."

I wasn't that crazy about the third film either - Tea Leoni's shrieky, unbearable performance overwhelmed the film's two major positives (those being the Pterodactyls and Alessandro Nivola's snug everything) - but that doesn't mean I don't want a fourth film. The idea's simple enough - An island filled with dinosaurs. Go. - for a dozen fun movies as far as I'm concerned. Why they felt the need to spice things up by putting guns on the dino's heads I'll never understand. Just keep it simple, people. You have dinosaurs! They are intrinsically awesome!
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Is It Kinda Weird...

... that I'm watching this movie The Cottage right now - it's a relatively new British horror-comedy just out on DVD - and I'm suddenly finding myself terrifically attracted to its star Andy Serkis?

Andy Serkis... as in Gollum. I feel weird thinking sexy thoughts about Gollum. But his voice is so... deep... and his presense so... commanding... I... I feel weird about this. Tell me it's going to be okay, please.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Tonight I'd rather be...

... kicking back a few with Clive Owen.
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Speak Of The Hot Devil...

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There's been a real slump in my Gyllen-coverage lately... must rectify... it's tough when he's always got that... that thing... attached to his arm, ya know. Anyway, here he is arriving back in L.A. from South Carolina today, after shooting has shut down again on that train-wreck Nailed. More pics over at JJ... damn he's still looking fine...

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I Am More Links

What can I say, it's a fruitful day in the neighborhood and there's plenty worth reading out there. Also, bored now = lotsa posting... my loss is your loss gain.

--- Baghead Jason Approves This Message - Just in time for The Strangers, Lazy Eye Theater visits the Eternal Truth that is "Bags On Heads = Scary". Piper speaks the truth!

--- Thankfully no one was injured, but The Film Experience had a Final Destination-tinged run-in at that terrible nexus where flying objects and fast-moving vehicles meet yesterday. With a picture to prove it!

--- If my little "Sun = Alexis" diagram wasn't enough, you can get more of an opinion on last night's episode of Lost over at Low Resolution.

--- I've been wanting to splurge the fifteen bucks or whatever it is that those 50 Movie Multi-Packs go for and buy a couple but I'm already so far behind with movies that I own I think to do so would be just to throw myself off the cliff of ever hoping to catch up. But I'm once again feeling the urge now that Final Girl reviewed a flick she watched via one called The Creeper which mixes Hal Holbrook and a head-on-stick javelin toss.

--- Leaving you with a nightmare, check out my bud Sean's web-comic with Matt Wiegle over here. Eerie stuff.
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What's Wrong With This Picture?

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NOTHING's wrong with it, because I FIXED IT. Click here to see the original and try and tell me it isn't much more soothing now.

Anyway, apparently production has shut down on Nailed, Jakey's film with director David O. Russell, for a second time due to financial problems. Grr. I would blame all this bad mojo on a certain someone who has her PR people planting marriage rumors in the tabloids, but she doesn't exist; I erased her.

And don't forget that, Girl-Who-Doesn't-Exist. I can ERASE people.
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Boo, Win! Hiss!

Win Butler, aka lead fop of the band Arcade Fire, blogged today on that news earlier this week that his band would be crafting the soundtrack to Richard Kelly's film The Box with a firm yet polite (what else; they're Canadian) negative:

"[J]ust to let you all know that (internet-based fact checking aside) Arcade Fire is NOT doing the soundtrack to any film. We are all off for the summer, writing songs, reading books, and keeping our plants alive. Regine, Owen Pallet and I may do an instrumental piece or two for Richard Kelly's new movie...we met at a show this year and hit it off, but we are not planning on doing any major work for a while, and this would not constitute a soundtrack or release."

Well a big Bah humbug to you too, Debbie Downer. (via Stereogum)
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Thursday's Friday's Ways Not To Die

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"The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours, if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes. Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word...”gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. If not treated quickly with anti-venom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite."

"Now in these last agonizing minutes of life you have left, let me answer the question you asked earlier more thoroughly. Right at this moment, the biggest "R" I feel is Regret. Regret that maybe the greatest warrior I have ever known, met her end at the hands of a bushwhackin, scrub, alky piece of shit like you. That woman deserved better."

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)

Not until I went through this scene frame by frame for this did I notice how wittily it's constructed, editing-wise. These are some fantastic shots that play off of each other really well - that whole upside-down conversation between Elle and Budd is hysterical; the shot of the snake slithering towards the Coors box, too. But this is Tarantino we're talking about here, and while he might get all the praise for his snappy scripts - and that certainly plays its part here - I think we saw with that rash of Tarantino-imitators that flooded the market back in the late 90's that, if you don't have a visual artist like Quentin behind the camera, a lot of tough-guy-'tude can add up to a whole lotta not much. His films are beautiful creations, visually alive and playful even during - hell, I should say especially during - these moments of ugliness.

It's also a testament to Daryl Hannah's incredible performance as Elle Driver here that, when I'm supposed to be paying attention to Michael Madsen's Budd writhing on the floor dying for this post, really I just kept wanting to take screen-grabs of her. That's not meant as any offense to Madsen - there's only so much you can do with paralysis, ya know - but this scene goes on for a very, very long time, and QT and DH keep it's juices flowing pretty lively, I'd say.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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I Am Link

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--- My New Favorite Website, io9 (thanks to Nat for the heads-up; how had I never stumbled over there before?), has the trailer for Joss Whedon's Dollhouse up, and it's chock-full o' Dushku goodness. It's a Whedon-y day here at MNPP! Nothing wrong with that.

--- And Yes, Still More - It appears FOX is trying something new next season with Fringe and Dollhouse - they're reducing the amount of commercials that'll air during an episode to around five minutes. The business side of television programming means very little to me; all this says to me is HOLLA, 55 minutes of Whedon per week!

--- Another Day, another visit to the Final Destination 4 set, this time via BD, and their mega-announcement? Expect 3-D nudity! Ha! I know better than to think this specific horror franchise will be following the as-of-late willy-baring trend though; they surely speak of the female anatomy.

--- At least now I know when I'll finally see Greg McLean's crocodile-rampage flick Rogue - Fangoria has the DVD details and it's hittin' the streets on August 5th. My calendar's marked already. Even though he tried, Harvey couldn't keep it from me forever!!!

--- Who's Watching The Watchmen? - This lady is! Via Cinematical comes a wildly in-depth behind-the-scenes look at the shooting of Zach Snyder's adaptation of Watchmen... who knows how long it'll stay up, so check it out.

--- And finally, RIP John Phillip Law, aka the beautiful angel Pygar in Barbarella. An angel is love.

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Happy Birthday, Angel

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David Boreanaz turns 39 today.
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Oh My God It's A Dollhouse Clip!

Eeee!!!

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Via Here, where they've got clips
of JJ Abrams' Fringe and other new shows...
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Check Yourself Before You [REC] Yourself!

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I can't believe I did this to myself. The boyfriend's out of town, so what do I do? I turn out all the lights and watch [REC] (thanks to Final Girl's rave yesterday I couldn't stomach the not-seeing-it any longer and... took matters into my own hands, you might say).

And now I am here, in my dark apartment, alone. Alone! In the dark! And I am supposed to go to sleep after that? Like, with the lights off?

Loving horror is a two-edged sword - you go looking everywhere for something that'll truly terrify you, and then when something does... well, you have to turn out the lights again eventually.
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Where's Fabio When A Gal Needs Him?

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Hello, everybody! There's a new episode of Lost tonight, and Elizabeth Mitchell would like to offer you some fruits and crumpets while an olive-skinned mystery man waits in the wings to sweep her off her peasant girl's toes and whisk her to a world of sexy intrigue and bodice-tearing adventure.

I mean, really. WTF is that picture? (check out the entire series over here)

Anyway, as usual you can check out Doc Jensen's regularly scheduled Thursday verbal diarrhea flecked with chunky theories over at EW.com (yes, the "EW" stands for "Ewww, that was a gross way to put that, JA!"). Enjoy!

ETA As an unrelated-to-Lost aside here, I should let y'all know that I effed up and there won't be a Thursday's Ways Not To Die today... I thought I might be able to get to it tonight, but then I told myself no, I'm going to relax, and the tide of elation that swept over me is too strong to resist. I'll try to get to it tomorrow but I make no promises; it may be a wash this week. My apologies for the scatter-shot nature of it lately; hopefully soon, when my brain figures out how it works without nicotine anymore, things will start to find their usual rhythm again...
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Pics of the Day

Dollhouse pics Dollhouse pics

Dollhouse pics Dollhouse pics!!!


(click 'em to embiggen; via here)

Eliza is looking skinny.
Tahmoh is looking morally certain. (Shocker)
I'm already preparing myself for my crush on Enver Gjokaj,
the dude second from left.


The set seems sort of Wolfram & Hart meets
the inside of Inara's quarters on the Serenity.
Wow I am a geek.

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Prince Caspian Can Suck My Nards, And Other Summer Movie Thoughts

With last weekend's massive floppage of a movie I was actually looking forward to out of this Summer's offerings - that being Speed Racer - I'm feeling cynical about it all right now. And tomorrow's only real big release being Prince Caspian, a movie I'd have to be all Clockwork Orange'd with the eyeball-prongs to sit through, isn't helping.

In fact, it's got me thinking: What movie coming out this Summer that's got heaps o' hype behind it are you least looking forward to?

--- Have you found yourself charting a map of constellations from the liver-spots on Harrison Ford's hands?

--- Is climate change and the extinction of entire species an okay trade-off if it will rid the world of Kung Fu Pandas?

--- Do you sometimes find yourself fantasizing for long stretches of time about each of the ladies of Sex & The City on dates with Patrick Bateman?

Let me know in the comments your thoughts - especially any of the evil sort like I just shared - and vote in the poll over in the right-hand column! I left some off that I just couldn't be bothered with, and put some on that I really want to see, so it's a reasonable allotment of the movies coming out this Summer. And I'm allowing multiple answers because really, what a bunch of cocksuckers.
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Quote of the Day II

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Over at STYD they spoke with director Jason Reitman of Juno and Thank You For Smoking and Ivan-offspring fame about the kinds of movies he wants to make, and while he says he's got his own idea for a Ghostbusters-type film in the big-spectacle mold his father's known for, her prefers smaller, let's say more esoteric movies:

"If I could only make one more movie and it was my big sci-fi comedy movie or my weirdest of the weird ideas which is probably to remake Pretty Woman shot-for-shot with a real hooker in the role of Julia Roberts, I would probably do Pretty Woman. That's where my heart is."

I'd so pay to see this movie. There'd have be slight changes, of course. Like instead of it being floss that Vivian hides behind her back it'd be Valtrex. And she'd be bald under the Carol Channing wig from her meth addiction. Jason Alexander could still play the creepy rapist though.

And yes, I pulled all those specifics about Pretty Woman straight outta my brain's archives. I've seen Pretty Woman probably 50 times. It's not easy being me.
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5 Off The Top Of My Head - Yay California!

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