Friday, November 08, 2013

Patrick in 225 Words or Less

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You know that thing, where you're in a coma, but you have a boner, and the mean nurse with the pet frog won't be nice to you, so you turn a cell phone fifty miles away into lava? Yeah, that. That's Patrick! I feel like he needs his own My Buddy theme song with lyrics something like that. "My coma and me!" It's been awhile since I've seen the original 1978 version of Patrick so comparisons between the two are out, thankfully - although I can say that the remake's Patrick looks just like a twinkier Matthew Bomer, and if all remakes went in that direction I'd never bitch about remakes ever again. Anyway this new version's seriously silly, but it's self aware enough about that silliness to have a ton of fun with itself. And it's not in a wink-wink "we're above all this" way either, which is refreshing - it's just overblown and bizarre as all get out. Scenes only last long enough for the movie to stuff as many jump scares into a single moment as possible while keeping the slightest semblance of a coherent narrative going - at times it's exhausting, but then it's hysterical, and then it's just freaking weird. It's like Stuart Gordon directing an episode of American Horror Story in 1985.
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