Monday, April 09, 2012

Something Something Sucks Pun Something

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They say if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I mean they say that literally - in introducing a screening of Amy Heckerling's new vampire comedy Vamps this past weekend, the producer of the film asked the bloggers in attendance to keep in mind the fact that the film is an eensy little independent thing without a specific release date just yet and that she'd love as much online praise as they could get but if we were feeling less enthusiastic maybe we'd want to put a pin in it.

She was making funny (though you know that facetiousness only runs skin deep) so it's not that I'm offended; even if she was being 100% serious that is her job. I only offer it up because I do feel conflicted writing this today since my reaction to this movie was enthusiastically unenthusiastic. I feel conflicted because Amy Heckerling's previous movie with Alicia Silverstone was a little something called Clueless, and my love for that 1995 comedy has never slowed, never wavered - it's embedded inside my bones; take a microscope and you'll see little impressions of Cher and Tai and Dionne dacing with their homies in the meat of my marrow.

So I apologize, Amy Heckerling. My way harsh little opinion on Vamps won't make any difference anyway - word's gonna get out. Vamps feels teleported from the dustbins of history - it's as dated as its 150 year old leading lady. I wonder when she wrote the script - in the Q&A after the film Heckerling admitted she had trouble finding a studio that'd bite on this script (hence her going independent)... and I hated myself for thinking the studios got it right this time.

It was nice seeing Silverstone in a movie after, well, not having seen her in a movie in a good long while. Krysten Ritter is a charmer, and Sigourney Weaver manages to strangle a couple of chuckles out of the material. But every gag is awkward - the whole thing is plotted with the light touch of someone wearing Frankenstein boots. It reads like a third rate sitcom with marginally bigger names (really it's only Sigourney who elevates it to "marginally") - it feels as if someone went through the movie and vacuumed out the tinny laugh-track that's supposed to be there, telling us what was supposed to be funny. And along with it went all the jokes.
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4 comments:

zyzzyva said...

That is *so* disappointing. I've been looking forward to this for so long. I know I'll still see it when/if it ever becomes available, but guess I won't reserve a spot next to my Clueless DVD...

James T said...

I remember Nathaniel chatting with the director some 4 or 5 years ago about this movie. At that time Pfeiffer was being considered for a role.

I would like to say that Jason's opinion makes me not only not want to see it but go around the internet and warn people until one week after it has been released, at that.
I will make sure no one will ever watch this movie and JA is to blame.
So, next time you want someone to watch your movie before most people... just send an helicopter on the roof of my building in Athens and take me to your luxurious theater. I'm going to overpraise the damn thing like you've never seen before.

Juuust kidding.
I actually liked I Could Never Be Your Woman so maybe I'm a sucker for what's her name's movies more than the numerous Clueless fans.

The Bloody Munchkin said...

Heckerling also did I could Never be Your Woman? Ah, now I'm really disappointed. I thought Loser was her low point and she'd return to form, but apparantly I was wrong. I'll still consider seeing this one because my girl crush on Krysten Ritter looms large ya'll.

Audrey said...

I think everyone's expectations of this are pretty shitty. Alicia Silverstone in 1995 was my all. My everything. Alicia Silverstone in 2012 has little to show in the 17 years that have passed besides a boring blog about vegan advocacy and a line of eco friendly loofahs.