5 Off My Head - Oscar Noms Nom Nom Nom

I figured my earlier post dedicated to the penises of Michael Fassbender and Michael Shannon (and the bum of Jean Dujardin) would be enough to get the Oscar chatter out of my system but I actually feel like talking about the nominations this morning, surprisingly. So here are some thoughts on the categories. I'll highlight where my vote if I had one would go in red.

ACTRESS in a LEADING Role

Glenn Close in "Albert Nobbs"

Viola Davis in "The Help"

Rooney Mara in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

Meryl Streep in "The Iron Lady"

Michelle Williams in "My Week with Marilyn"

No Tilda, no Charlize. (No Juliette Binoche for that matter, not that she was ever in the running.) Bah, y'all. My vote would go to Rooney Mara, who I thought was incredible in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Viola made champagne from shit with The Help but that movie was too sloppy to give anybody a manageable character arc. I thought Williams was good in My Week With Marilyn but again, she was let down by what the movie asked of her. Close was just bizarre, not in a good way. Haven't seen The Iron Lady.

ACTRESS in a SUPPORTING Role

Bérénice Bejo in "The Artist"

Jessica Chastain in "The Help"

Melissa McCarthy in "Bridesmaids"

Janet McTeer in "Albert Nobbs"

Octavia Spencer in "The Help"

Bejo was not that great in The Artist. She was what kept me from falling in love with the movie whole-heartedly. Chastain was a hoot in The Help, and I love her now, but she was amazing in Take Shelter, her nom should be for that. I suppose she could win for just being good in twenty different things this year. They say it's Octavia's to win and I like Octavia, she's very funny, but I don't get the praise for that performance. It never dug beneath the surface. I'm almost willing to root for Janet McTeer just if she promises to flash her enormous hooters on stage. But obviously my vote goes to Melissa McCarthy. Go fans united front!

ACTOR in a LEADING Role

Demián Bichir in "A Better Life"

George Clooney in "The Descendants"

Jean Dujardin in "The Artist"

Gary Oldman in "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy"

Brad Pitt in "Moneyball"

If I were handing out the trophy it would go to Jean Dujardin. I've made it clear that I didn't like Clooney's performance in The Descendants or Brad Pitt's in Moneyball. I liked Oldman in Tinker Tailor and would be perfectly happy if he won, but out of these five I prefer Dujardin's livelier performance. I haven't seen A Better Life so I can't speak on Bichir. Of course, Michael Fassbender and Michael Shannon aren't here so this list is meaningless anyway.

ACTOR in a SUPPORTING Role

Kenneth Branagh in "My Week with Marilyn"

Jonah Hill in "Moneyball"

Nick Nolte in "Warrior"

Christopher Plummer in "Beginners"

Max von Sydow in "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"

Nick Nolte was fucking terrible in Warrior. His big dramatic scene, the one I have no doubt they'll use for his Oscar clip, was embarrassingly bad. Tom Hardy or Joel Edgerton were both great, give them some love Academy! Gah. Jonah Hill was just "Jonah Hill wearing glasses" in Moneyball, I can't fathom the praise he's gotten. Inexplicable. Plummer was terrific in Beginners, and he'll win, so I suppose this is fine. No Albert Brooks though equals the turd in the punchbowl. Branagh was fine, whatever. I haven't seen and have no plans to ever see Extremely Loud - I almost feel like we people who were here in NYC that day ought to be able to sue the people who made the movie for the continued assault of trailers for it that make me so goddamned angry every goddamned time. (And I am one of ten people who still like The Reader, but no Stephen Daldry, no)

WRITING (ADAPTED Screenplay)

"The Descendants" Alexander Payne Nat Faxon Jim Rash

"Hugo" John Logan

"The Ides of March"George Clooney Grant Heslov Beau Willimon

"Moneyball" Steven Zaillian Aaron Sorkin Stan Chervin

"Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" Bridget O'Connor Peter Straughan

I already half expected them to snub Michael Fassbender and Charlize and Tilda and Michael Shannon so I'm not that surprised this morning on those ones, so I think the nomination off my head that's making me the angriest is this here writing nomination for The Ides of March. That is a TERRIBLE script, I just bitched about it in my review the other day. An awful movie in general, but the script was the worst offender. Just trite nonsense, lazy and boring and awful, ugh. Ugh! Not that the scripts for The Descendants or Moneyball were much better but at least they had their moments. Just keep jerking George Clooney off, y'all. He needs it.