Monday, November 07, 2011

Me Plus Jake Times Three

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I had my third Jake in the flesh experience yesterday! The first time I saw him I couldn't even look him in the eye, it made me dizzy. The second time was at The New Yorker festival last year where he did a Q&A. This time was far and away the best one yet! To get it across, here's an email exchange I had with Joe Reid later that day.

Me: I saw Jake! I saw Jake! I saw Jake! I saw Jake!

Joe: AWESOME!

Me: We crossed each other on the street. Our eyes met. I'm sure he's off right now thinking of me, too. I'M SURE OF IT.

Joe: What street?

Me: 1st St and 2nd Ave, right over by Anthology Film Archives. I got over there early for a movie and was walking around the block killing time and was rounding a corner and WHAM there he was coming towards me. I think he was with his mother but I didn't waste any time looking at her. I bored a hole into his face until he looked at me just as we crossed. His eyes! Dude, his eyes.

Me: Thanks for indulging this nonsense, by the way.

Joe: Oh, it's my favorite kind of nonsense. Is his hair still buzzed from the cop movie? Or was he wearing a hat? Was he wearing pants? And if so, how easy were they to rip off?

Me: He was wearing a knit hat, and he had a giant beard. He was wearing a black jacket and green cargo pants. After we crossed paths I walked for ten seconds and then stopped, crossed to the other side of the street, and stalked them for a couple of blocks. I stopped following them once they crossed Houston and headed off down in the direction of Katz Deli I guess. I contemplated not going to the movie and just following him for the rest of my life.

Joe: I would have supported you if you did that.

Me: Like emotionally? Or financially? Because I'd probably need a lot of funding for that. He travels a lot, and I'd probably need like, fake mustaches so he didn't catch on. A lot of fake mustaches! And bodysuits made out of shrubs. He'd be all, "Did I just see someone following me? Oh no, it's just a shrub with a mustache." Crisis averted!

Joe: Fake shrub suit could also hide your perma-boner.

2 comments:

iggy said...

I'll never get why people comment on some posts and others stay empty. But I think I'll never understand the internets - said the old man holding a cane in his right hand.
That said, that must have been an awesome experience.

decrain said...

Firstly: Your post absolutely cracked me up!!! I can just imagine that convo perfectly, it's so something I'd say.

Secondly: I don't understand why you stopped following him!? Did your brain just suddenly freeze from the sheer hotness that was being emblazoned upon your being!? That's the only logical reason.