True Blood To Tara

.

Since I'm always watching all the shows on a delay and we live in an insta-society it usually feels pointless to write up my thoughts on shows by the time I get around to watching them, but I'm gonna go ahead and offer up a few thoughts on some anyway right now, and you're gonna have to summon up the strength to just deal. So let's look at Sunday night's premiere of True Blood then, which I got to last evening.

First up, the obvious: there wasn't anything in the way of dude-nudity (BOO) but everybody was looking so good I almost didn't notice. The guys are competing with each other at this point who can be the most ridiculously fit, right? Because everybody looks amazing. But the MVPs (Most Valuable Pieces) of the episode were Ryan Kwanten first in that cop uniform which is tailored obscenely snug, and then in just his jeans and t-shirt, which well was also tailored obscenely snug.

And then of course Alexander Skarsgard, who shows up in a black t-shirt just a fraction of an inch too short for his torso (SIGH) threatening the mot wanted fang-rape in the history of ever.

Honestly, this cast is just ridiculous though. Guys aside, you know you've tapped into some sexy sorcery when you've got me rooting for two female characters to go at it - no, not Tara and her underwear-model slash kick-boxer girlfriend, but PAM AND JESSICA - oh my god they need to do it.

Fave line of the night:

"Toilets are for humans only.

Do I need to explain why?"

It's all in the delivery. Oh Pam. How I adore your endless snark. And the bat wings framed around her head! Glorious. And I'll agree with the general consensus that the arrival of Fiona Shaw as the head witch was the bright spot, but why would anyone be surprised?

Fiona Shaw is about as crazy (emphasis on that word) talented an actress as there is working today, and she's gonna go for this shit 1500 percent. I give you Black Dahlia. Gutsy broads like this are in short supply and there aren't many shows on the air that'd let them do their thing quite like Blood will so this is a match made in heaven, methinks.

Speaking of shows like True Blood, generally I liked the episode a lot. True Blood has never ever never ever been about anything approaching sane consistent storytelling. So I sat through this episode understanding that I was getting a whole bunch of, "Okay, this is who these people are now for this season, and this is a the ridiculous crap we'll be flinging at them for several weeks." Okay! Sure I'll take a "Charmed if it had aired on SciFi" level Faerie-world shot on old Land of the Lost back-lots! Sounds great! Okay, Tara's a lesbian now, sure, that's how those things happen, right? You just keep giving me Eric Northman rape fantasies and Jason Stackhouse dumb as a pile of steroids in pants so tight you know his religion and little girls biting into sacks of raw meat and you and me? We're good, True Blood.

The other show I want to give a couple moments to is the finale of The United States of Tara, which aired a thousand days ago but I just got around to this weekend. I am going to miss the Gregsons so freaking much, y'all. Has there ever been a better sibling relationship put onto TV than the one between Marshall and Kate? Marshmallow! How I will miss Marshall. 

And having Toni Collette beamed into my life every week felt like such a gift. Even if the show was wobbly here and there, even if I could take or leave mostly leave John Corbett, even if the introduction of that new alter there at the end felt a little bit scatter-shot, I still can't deny that the arrival one-by-one of the alters we've come to love and hate over these three seasons as they said goodbye to someone and were snuffed out really got me. When Alice showed up I screamed, "NO!!!" at the TV and then I was all, "Wait, what? Alice is awful!" And yet there it was. 

In summation, I can't be the only person that screamed, "Goodbye Porpoise Spit!" at the last shot of the show, can I?

.