Fuck this movie's screenwriters - Stuart Beattie and David Elliot and Paul Lovett and Michael Gordon (as Michael B. Gordon) and Stephen Sommers and I might fill up my 150 word limit on this list of writers alone I mean what the fuck is this an adaptation of The Iliad or something? - and also fuck this film's director - also Stephen Sommers - and also fuck the actress Sienna Miller - not in that way, pervs, although her rep does proceed her - for eradicating The Baroness' accent. Boo! Hiss! Zonk!
But I do love Rachel Nichols' rack. It's a delight.
So... in summation... wigs.
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So... in summation... wigs.
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7 comments:
Re: your review: Bravo! Brava! And everything in between. G.I Joe: Rise of the Blah, Blah, Blah certifiably sucks!
I thought Channing Tatum's performance was a tour de force!
It was just a series of wasted opportunities. Could have been fun, and there were nifty moments I liked, I actually had no problem with their treatment of Snake-Eyes and Storm shadow-except that they undid the SE/Scarlet relationship...unfortunate choice.
Ok. This is a very embarrassing thing to admit, so here goes.
While I was watching this movie, part of my brain was saying "boy, this is lame." I mean, that shot of their "plane" flying over "sand dunes" in "Egypt" was like the perfect example of CGI gone horrifically awry. Poor JGL could not have been a more cliche-riddled baddie, and Dennis Quaid continues to baffle me with his post- Far From Heaven career moves and acting.
Yet, I think I actually overall liked it? Or at least enjoyed watching it? I honestly don't have anything to say in my own defense, but there it is. Maybe it's because I didn't grow up watching the cartoon, so I didn't have to deal with destroyed childhood memories in the viewing process.
Thank you for singling out that CG shot, Julia - that repeated lousy shot forced me to actually look up the film's budget in the middle of watching the film to double-check that the movie cost more than thirty bucks. 180 million dollars! Astonishing.
But snark aside, I actually enjoyed a good deal of the move in its own ludicrous sorta way. I was trying to capture the complete bizarre schizophrenia of the film with this review actually. There was fun to be had. Bad fun. But fun nonetheless.
I didn't really watch the cartoon. Obviously I did a little bit to know they nixed The Baroness' accent. But my cousin was a massive GI Joe fan so I might've gotten some exposure through him.
that shot of their "plane" flying over "sand dunes" in "Egypt" was like the perfect example of CGI gone horrifically awry
...but the prologue, with the McCullen guy getting the hot iron mask put on his face, topped it. They freaking CGI'd the mask? What's wrong with having an actual heated mask? Couldn't they afford to make ONE? You don't even have to show it being put on - there are these things called "editing" and "off-camera screams of anguish."
But I do love Rachel Nichols' rack. It's a delight.
This is true. Rachel Nichols is The Hotness (thank fuck Paramount nixed an earlier draft which had Scarlett being killed).
BTW, I am pretty sure Nichol's rack is the reason I gave P2 a shot.
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