Over at MTV today they've got a post in which Jessica Biel and Catherine Keener defend David O. Russell, the director famous for being punched in the face by George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings and for behaving like a deranged buffoon towards Lily Tomlin on a leaked video from the set of I Heart Huckabees; Biel and Keener say he's great, and yadda yadda, leave the poor rich man alone. And perhaps he is. Whatever the case, I've loved all of his movies, so he gets an asshole pass. I'm easily persuaded - Roman Polanski and Woody Allen are bonafied perverts that I keep plunking down cash to, after all.Anyway, at the end of that MTV post they ask for people to name the director they'd most love the opportunity to punch in the face and... why stop at one? I might defend the undefendable here and there, but even I have my limits. Here are my limits!
Alejandro González Iñárritu - I've made my unquenchable contempt for the Babel "auteur" clear before. His movies make me want to go back to college and study obscure sciences for countless years, all so I can be the person to invent time travel and then go back and find his furthest back male relative and then punch them in the balls over and over and over again until they are infertile. Hallelujah, let it be spoken. PUNCH!Michael Bay - Winning the "Perennial Punching Bag" spot over Uwe Boll or Paul W. S. Anderson or Joel Schumacher (Never seen a Boll film; Anderson has made two good movies - Resident Evil and Event Horizon; and Schumacher delivered me the gift that is Colin Farrell in Tigerland, something which I can never repay in full). But Bay... Bay has burned me time and again and again and again. And I keep showing up to his movies because they come at the start of Summer when I've not yet had my fill of stupidity and I think "Ooh, I'd like to see something big go boom" and his trailers always promise that much at least and then I go to his movies and within twenty minutes I'm crawling up the walls trying to break my own neck or suffocating myself with stray popcorn kernels off the floor. Goddamn you, Michael Bay! You will never fool me again, I swear it! PUNCH!
Mel Gibson - Duh.
Rob Zombie - I still haven't watched it, but I'm still nursing residual YUCK over his remaking of Halloween, so he's still deserving of a residual punch to the face. Just the fact that I shudder every time I see the DVD staring at me is enough proof of that. His actions haunt me!
Harvey Weinstein - Much to my happiness, in "researching" this post I discovered that Harvey directed two movies in the 80s! They're called Playing For Keeps and The Gnomes' Great Adventure. Ha! I hope these are included in his inevitable Oscar tribute when he's about to croak. Anyway, yay! I can imaginary punch him in the face once more. It's how I fall asleep every night, you know, counting punches to Harvey Weinstein's face instead of sheep.--------------
And now it's your turn!
Sound off with your hate in the comments.
Consider it cheap therapy.
.Sound off with your hate in the comments.
Consider it cheap therapy.
Posts
8 comments:
Harvey is enough for me. But only if I get to punch him with a chainsaw.
I love it that a director victimising and bullying his colleagues, or perhaps abusing an underage girl, doesn't infuriate you enough to punch them in the face, but a couple of crappy movies and you step right into the ring.
Anyway, whatever. If this is the game we are playing, I punch Michael Lehmann square in the nose, for the travesty that is 'because I said so'. ugh
Victimized human beings die, franklin, but art lives forever. Or, ya know, so said the Nazis. Ack! I know I'm treading a morally questionable line here, but let's just play along, not think about the icky outer circumstances of my statements, mkay? All in good fun! Until somebody's molested. Sigh. Somebody stuff a sock in my mouth please, I can't leave bad enough alone.
Betcha plunk down 12.50 for Transformers 2... just bettin' that you do.
Have you seen this picture of Michael Bay. Nothing about it will ever not be hilarious.
Zombie is actually a pretty good director. You should watch his movies before you punch him, dude. Just punch Mel twice and call it a day.
mon-el - WILL. NOT.
kc - I thank you from the bottomest bottom of my heart for sharing that with me. Pure ridiculous joy.
anonymous - I've seen and enjoyed The Devil's Rejects. I have not seen House of 1000 Corpses and have no desire to, as all I've heard are terrible, terrible things about it. I thought Zombie's trailer in Grindhouse stunk. I think that's all he's done, right? besides the aforementioned skipped-as-of-yet Halloween and I just haven't gotten the nerve to tackle that one yet. It'll happen one day. But he desevres the punch for making it, anyway.
I agree with you pretty much. Teri Garr had a little anecdote about David O. Russell in Speedbumps that made me wanna punch him - in the balls. And yelling at Lily Tomlin too? Dude sucks.
I'd also love to punch Rob Zombie. He is merely competent (as compared to say, Uwe Boll), but lacks any sort of finesse. His movies are so ungratifying, and that Freebird shit filled me with rage!
Post a Comment