As if Lindsay Lohan pretending to be Marilyn Monroe wasn't bad enough, Latina magazine went and recruited she-of-the-dead-eyes Jessica Alba to reenact iconic moments from horror classics. And predictably each one is just yuckier than the one before it. Let's take a look:
"Yay cake."
"I stab phone! Now cake yay!"
"No cake no."
"Baby taste like bad cake. Bad baby!"
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14 comments:
cake? evidently i missed something. also, she is wretched.
Not a Strangers With Candy fan, sparky? Yeah, it was a bit of a reach on my part, but whenever I think somebody looks, well, retarded, I think of the episode of SWC where Jerri listens to an educational tape on how to deal with the mentally handicapped called "Retardation: A Celebration" in which we learn "They all want cake."
These are awful.
The Rosemary's Baby is especially ghastly. She's not even trying.
Seriously. Not to go all Tyra Banks on her - god forbid I ever go all Tyra Banks; shoot me immediately if that ever happens - but there is no life in the pictures at all. Did she have any idea what she was supposed to be doing? Did they just throw her in front of the camera and say "Make a face!" and then just take a single shot? In that Psycho one, she looks like she's about to laugh. I mean....... this is Jessica Alba after all, so there's only so much that can be done. But couldn't they have threatened a kitten or something off camera?
Maybe I should stop defending her... (but these are still hilariously awful)
I've read before that she loves the gays, which makes me want to love her (plus, she seems generally nice enough in reality), but I'm troubled by this stunt. Ugggggg, those are some dead eyes indeed. It's especially troubling having just seen Naomi, Jennifer, Jodie, et al., rock their Hitchcock tributes...
I'm glad you brought up Tyra, Jason, because I was gonna say: when the Top Model crew can out-emote you and you're a paid professional actress? Time to spend that money on acting lessons or charity to assuage your guilt.
The sad thing is that someday soon, she's going to be an Oscar contender (pretty girl will someday go ugly).
Straight men have women like Natalie Portman, ScarJo, and Kate Winslet. Couldn't they do without Alba and put all the rest of us out of our misery?
i almost spit out my drink when i read your "yay cake!" caption. sooo hilariously spot-on!
if only jerri blank had done these photos instead of mannequin alba . . .
Oh.
My.
Fuck.
(And I thought Missy Alba has been very adamant that she's not and shouldn't be judged for her grandparents being immigrants.)
That Rosemary's Baby pic is very terrible!
Because she is pregnant, you'd think she'd be able to channel some "baby-angst" of some kind... but nope... just blank.
I'm speechless. I also can't stop laughing. I'm actually crying I'm laughing so hard.
I must say I was also going to mention the Top Model emoting thing. It's like that episode of The Simpsons where Bart sold his soul. Just with even less emotion and more cartoonishness.
All right, what's everybody's bet that she hasn't seen any of these movies with the possible exception of Psycho (and even that she gets completely wrong)?
WARNING
Do not attempt to eat soup while reading this post. I found out the hard way.
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