Put Money in Thy Purse

I feel as if I've been sort of pissy with anything Jake Gyllenhaal related for the past several months, but don't blame me -- blame whoever priced me out of seeing him do Iago opposite Denzel Washington's Othello on Broadway. There've been enough stories about how outrageous its tickets are -- and I've already bitched about it already a few times -- so I'm not unique in my irritation; hell when he chatted with Audra McDonald for the Variety piece the above photo is from she joked she hadn't seen the show because she couldn't afford the tickets. I've kept trying for the Lottery to no avail -- maybe now that the show got zero Tony nominations I'll have a chance? (Sending love and congrats to Cole Escola though!) Aaaaanyway I didn't actually start writing this post to bring up any of that stuff -- I figured I should mention yesterday's news that the Road House sequel we'd been threatened was coming is indeed coming and it will be directed by Guy Ritchie now. Ritchie would be replacing the first film's director Doug Liman, who famously threw a (correct) shit-fit about Amazon's games with Road House's release -- Ritchie, who's done plenty for streamers by this point (including the Netflix series The Gentlemen with Theo James, which was wonderful and single-handedly made me reassess my Guy Ritchie indifference), probably won't be so tempestuous about all that. And Jake just filmed a movie with Ritchie (and Henry Cavill) so clearly they got along. So there. I mentioned all of that. And hey maybe they can actually make a good Road House this time. At least we can be sure Guy will fawn over Jake's muscles and put him in homoerotic situations plenty. 

Joe Keery Six Times

Just as I was finishing up my previous post involving Tony Leung and library shelves I spotted this photoshoot of Stranger Things actor Joe Keery posing his hot fuzzy ass among some library shelves -- the universe is being kind to me today! It's seriously appreciated. I could use some kindness this week. And I assume we all could so here, I will pay it forward (hey remember when that was a revolutionary idea for five minutes) and share the photoshoot after the jump...

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

This week's big news that a bunch of Hong Kong classics that've never gotten proper releases here in the U.S. are going to be getting just that thanks to Shout Studios new sub-label called Hong Kong Studio Classics made me remember that that there shamefully are a great big pile of early John Woo action flicks I've never seen. So I decided to rectify that and I began my journey over the weekend by watching Woo's beloved 1992 flick Hard Boiled, which stars Chow Yun-fat and Tony Leung in a criss-crossy tale of cops acting criminal-like and vice versa, and wow wow wowee what an action masterclass! There's so much wildly over-the-top (in an entertaining way) violence in this movie that I could've chosen any of a number of scenes, but how could I resist a lightly homoerotic encounter between Tony Leung and a vibrantly-mustachioed mark in a library??? Tony Leung plus bookshelves plus bloodshed?? Are you kidding me? I'm in heaven. Hit the jump for the rest...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... pushing it real good with 

Glen Powell and Lewis Pullman. 

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Wild Mountain Thyme (2020)

Anthony: Feelings are useless.

Rosemary: I think it's worse in a man. 

I can't stand a man with feelings.

Anthony: A man with feelings should be put down!

A happy 43rd birthday to the gorgeous and talented Jamie Dornan, who's overcome his past (and ocassional present) as just the pretty face and pretty ass of a male model to prove himself to be a genuinely talented thespian over the years. That said not even genuine talent could make this deranged movie work -- click here to read my review from when it dropped, which still remains one of my most popular reviews at Pajiba. Although I think that has very little to do with me and more to do with the wild WTF-ery of this movie. I mean... a bee? WTF. Anyway now as a gift to us all on the man's birthday one of the hottest NSFW Jamie birthday-suit modeling photos ever taken (with more here): 

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, World

Some Thirst-day morning motivation from the most motivated 

hunk of man around, Mr. Chris Hemsworth, everybody.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Chris Hemsworth (@chrishemsworth)

Flashin' the Stan

Yeah as threatened yesterday I'm abandoning you once again today -- off to another dentist appointment in an endless stream of dentist appointments. (If all goes well, knock on wooden teeth, I'll have one more appointment next week and that'll be that. Fingers and molars crossed.) I am leaving you with these two fine photos of Sebastian Stan from his recent cover story for Vanity Fair -- there are lots more photos from the shoot but I found the shoot kind of too boring to care to post in its entirety. He looks good obviously -- obviously! -- it's just nothing we haven't seen before. Real low energy handsomeness. Anybody planning on seeing Thunderbolts this weekend? (I am not typing that title's asterisk, I refuse.)  I've taken to watching the Marvel movies once they make it to streaming and this one ain't enough to change that habit -- Fantastic Four might be though! We'll see. Sorry, Seb! Actually I owe bigger apologies to Florence Pugh probably -- all the wrong people will probably blame this movie's lower box office on it having a girl in its lead. So apologies to Flo and apologies to all of womankind -- I have let you down once again.

Nicholas Hoult Thirteen Times

I have to be extremely quick pounding (ahem) out this post because I'm running out the door in a minute, but how could I not cram in (ahem) a new Nicholas Hoult photoshoot? This is for i-D magazine and there's also an interview at this link -- since I'm rushing I have not read it but I have taken a second to ogle all of these photos and that's gonna be enough to get me through what's promising to be an annoying day from here on out. Hit the jump for a full Nicky fix...

I Don't Know Where To Begin Again

About a month ago I shared the first track off of Sufjan Stevens' upcoming tenth anniversary edition of his masterpiece album Carrie & Lowell -- well there above is the second one, a demo for the album's opening track "Death With Dignity." You can pre-order the new physical version of the album over here -- they'll ship out at the end of May or thereabouts. In related news I hadn't checked Sufjan's Tumblr in awhile and if you're curious how his illness had been going he'd been updating it last year on there; there were several entries I'd missed. I hope he's doing better now but I can't lie -- I did appreciate all the leg shots from his hospital bed. He made the best of a bad situation! 

Pics of the Day

Deadline has the first images from Kelly Reichardt's Vietnam-era heist film The Mastermind today -- it stars our big-eared boy savior Josh O'Connor as you can see,  alongside Alana Haim, John Magaro, Hope Davis, Bill Camp, Gaby Hoffmann, Amanda Plummer, and Cole Doman, among others. That feels like a big sweeping cast for Reichardt but then she's never done a heist movie before -- having seen her make an eco-terrorist thriller though I'm sure this movie will remain in the key of Reichardt. Thankfully! Anyway we'll hear more about it soon enough when the assholes at Cannes get to see it first. Assholes.

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Louis Garrel

Happy Hump Day! I stumbled on this photo of our Louis yesterday during my day off and I've spent every second since... recovering. Yeah, that's the word. Recovering. (click to embiggen)

Say it With MacKay

Hey look it's two more photos of George MacKay in that mesh shirt everybody's wearing! May the mesh never rest. Aaaaanyway to get to the point (and prepare your bodies for a real exciting story of intrigue) -- there was a water main break outside my office yesterday and my office building hasn't had water for two days. So we're working from home today, i.e. I wouldn't expect much from me here on the site because if I'm not being forced to be strapped to my desk per usual I've got a million other things I could be getting done at home. So this'll probably be it for today. And looking at the calendar I've got another dentist (sigh) appointment tomorrow afternoon, and so tomorrow will probably be a half day as well. I have failed you all! When you tar and feather me just be kind. That's all I ask.

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, World

I'll happily take a wee sliver of Jacob Elordi's bum to start off my Tuesday morning! It makes for a nice companion bum to Will Poulter's from yesterday, right? The On Swift Horses cast keeps coming through. This isn't from OSH though -- has anybody watched the Prime series The Narrow Road to the Deep North that these gifs were actually taken from? The series is on my list but I haven't heard anything good bad or either way about it, so if you've got an opinion I welcome it in the comments. That said let's take two deep breaths and see if we can get this day a'rolling...

Pic of the Day

A new photo from Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein (via) dropped today that showcases Oscar Isaac as the not-so-good doctor -- specifically his suspenders, heaving cleavage, and muttonchops, all of which I look forward to muchly. The movie, which also stars Jacob Elordi (as the monster!) and Mia Goth is out in November, presumably Thanksgiving just because this very much feels like a Thanksgiving release. Possibly critically important but definitely pulpy enough for the whole fam! But I hope Del Toro pervs it out the way any Frankenstein should be perved out, we know he's capable of it (hello to his fish-fucking Best Picture winner). But reading how GDT is making this story about Fatherhood (and how he just lost his father) instead of it being about a man sneaking down to the basement every night to build himself his very own man (one that looks like Jacob Elordi no less) while ignoring his fiancee upstairs, well I worry the Whale-esque (and Rocky Horror) perviness might get waylaid. Do by this queer monster story right, Guillermo!

Dev Against the Knights

I liked Dev Patel's directorial debut Monkey Man a lot so I think it's worth mentioning he's working on his next movie -- THR hat the deets and... it sounds awfully similar to that earlier movie? It's called The Peasant and it's another "underestimated dude gets violent revenge on the people who underestimated him" flick. Only this time it's set in the 1300s and he'll be duking it out with knights. I doubt it'll be as weird-sexy as the last time Dev was around knights where he made out with Joel Edgerton and spooged on himself but then that's a big ask! But then again Dev made himself look sexy as hell in Monkey Man so maybe we shouldn't doubt him. 

Garrett Wareing Two Times

After breaking our Garrett Wareing cherry last week with a great big gratuitous post for the Ransom Canyon actor we were very happy he shared a couple of new gratuitous snaps on his Insta over the weekend. We wouldn't want to go too long without some fresh flesh from him to ogle. Yeehaw!

Horses Be Swifting

I so rarely post on the weekend that some of you might've missed this down below and that'd be a shame -- my review of the "Jacob Elordi and Diego Calva go gay for each other" flick On Swift Horses dropped over at Pajiba yesterday, read it here. And here is the trailer if you missed that. The movie is okay but I do have some issues with it, unfortunately -- I wouldn't say it's not worth seeing, but that might just be Will Poulter's perfect ass making me say that. It's holding a gun to my head! (I wish.) And did I actually write this entire post just so I could post the below gif of said perfect ass today? Hmm we'll never know, I guess!