These Three Kings

What the world needs now is love, sweet love, especially when "love" means "Pedro Pascal grinding up against Chris Evans' backside." And it does mean that this time! And if that's possible, anything is. Listen -- it's been a dark day in the real world, and even besides that I've been busy with off-blog stuff so I haven't been here to remedy some of that in my own horny miniscule way. and now I am abandoning you all until Tuesday. Tuesday! It's a holiday yo, and I also am human and need to boot down for a bit. So I leave you with that beautiful image of bisexual throuplery (a promo for their upcoming movie Materialists from Past Lives director Celine Song; I'll share the trailer below) in hopes it'll gift you with some slight reprieve and maybe a smile. Try to stay sane for a few more days. You can do it. Peace and love and hot men grinding on each other to one and all...

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Josh Heuston

While I've mainly paid attention to the fact that it's our furry lover Jai Courtney that stars in the "Jai Courtney kills people with sharks" movie Dangerous Animals -- and with ample reason! -- we should also definitely take a moment to acknowledge the fact that the movie co-stars the Dune series hot-piece Josh Heuston as one of Jai's prospective victims, who we've come to enjoy staring at (specifically dat ass) in the wake of said Dune series. (See previous posts here.) And thankfully Flaunt magazine went and gave us this photoshoot to memorialize the moment and give the boy his proper due! Hallelujah and hit the jump for all said due...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... digging around in James Dean's trunk.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

How To Get Ahead in Advertising (1989)

Denis: We're living in a shop. The world is one magnificent fucking shop. And if it hasn't got a price tag, it isn't worth having. There is no greater freedom than freedom of choice, and that's the difference between you and me, boil. I was brought up to believe in that, and so should you, but you don't. You don't want freedom, do you? You don't even want roads. God, I never want to go on another train as long as I live! Roads represent a fundamental right of man to have access to the good things in life. Without roads, established family favorites would become elitist delicacies. Potter's soap would be for the few. There'd be no more tea bags, no instant potatoes, no long life cream. There'd be no aerosols. Detergents would vanish. So would tinned spaghetti and baked beans with six frankfurters. The right to smoke one's chosen brand would be denied. Chewing gum would probably disappear, so would pork pies. Foot deodorizers would climax without hope of replacement. When the hydrolyzed monosodium glutamate reserves run out, food would rot in its packets. Jesus Christ, there wouldn't be any more packets! Packaging would vanish from the face of the Earth. But worst of all, there'd be no more cars. And more than anything, people love their cars. They have a right to them. They have to sweat all day in some stinking factory making disposable cigarette lighters or everlasting Christmas trees, by Christ, they're entitled to them! They're entitled to any innovation technology brings. Whether it's ten percent more of it or fifteen percent off of it, they're entitled to it! They're entitled to one of four important new ingredients! Why should anyone have to clean their teeth without important new ingredients? Why the hell shouldn't they have their CZT? How dare some smutty Marxist carbunkle presume to deny them it? They love their CZT! They want it, they need it, they positively adore it! And by Christ, while I've got air in my body they're going to get it! They're going to get it bigger and brighter and better. I'll put CZT in their margarine if necessary, shove vitamins in their toilet rolls. If happiness means the whole world standing on a double layer of foot deodorizers, I, Bagley, will see that they get them! I'll give them anything and everything they want! By God, I will! I shall not cease, till Jerusalem is builded here, on England's green and pleasant land!

I don't care if I am spoiling the final speech that Richard E. Grant gives in this movie -- it's such a perfect pile of words that every morsel should be scoured and scavenged. This is why A.I. will never beat us -- it will never truly understand the madness of the human condition exploded into poetic extravagance like that passage of incredible and deranged dialogue. I only saw this movie last year for the first time and I immediately mourned all the years I'd spent without it, so I was very happy and very excited when Criterion announced they were finally giving it a good release. And here we are -- it's out now! Go buy it like the good like capitalist swine you are! They also released Bruce Robinson's earlier and better known collaboration with Grant, Withnail &I, yesterday -- you can buy that one here -- but if I were forced to choose I'd pick HTGAIA every time. Thankfully I'm not forced to choose! Not in this capitalist shit-heap we call America goddammit!

Jon Hamm Seven Times

Has anybody watched that Your Friends & Neighbors series that Jon Hamm is on yet? I have not but I thank it for existing so Jon Hamm decided to advertise it by appearing half-naked in GQ magazine. I guess we all have to go watch the show now in order to say thank you to him. That's the way these things work! They take their clothes off, we do what they tell us to. 

It's a weird system maybe but I am fine with it. There are worse! Jon Hamm could've like held a gun to my mother's head in order to demand I watch his show. It probably would've taken him longer to go around the country and do that to every single person individually than taking these beefcake snaps did -- I totally understand taking this shortcut. And if it doesn't work, hey, you can do the gun thing tomorrow, Jon. Hit the jump for all the photos...

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Don't Go Stealing My Heart

I am really angry at myself for wanting to watch Darren Aronofsky's new movie Caught Stealing after watching the just-dropped trailer because of a few reasons -- One! Darren Aronofsky just came off the absolute worst movie he's ever been associated with with The Whale, which was offensive trash that should be scorched from the Earth. Two! Caught Stealing stars Austin Butler, and even if Austin Butler's body looks like it does above I have found him insufferable as a performer in let's say 95% of the projects I've seen him in. He's a pout-mouthed try-hard and he gets on my nerves. (He was awful in Dune -- I will brook no alternative opinions!) And finally -- Three! Yesterday Aronofsky threw his shitty hat in the shitty A.I. ring and he can go fuck himself for that shitty shit.

But also -- God. Damn. It. This trailer is SO New York, and can't help being a stereotypical New Yorker and loving movies that look like they are SO my hometown. Aronofsky's not a poseur in this respect either, he's a native Brooklynite and every time he makes a movie set here -- Black Swan, Requiem For a Dream -- he really captures this city in a way that only somebody who knows and loves this dirty foul wonderful insane place could. Also Zoe Kravitz and Matt Smith and Bad Bunny all look like a ton of fun and I like those guys. SIGH. Watch for yourselves:

Caught Stealing is out on August 29th.

Tell me what you think about it in the comments...

Good Morning, World

As y'all know since I keep harping on it I try to not watch movie trailers any more because I prefer to go into my movies as clean-brained as a newborn babe. But when I go to movies with you normal people (aka not critic people) I kinda can't help seeing trailers, and so it went when I went and saw the latest Final Destination movie a second time this past weekend (and if you missed my review of that read that here). Anyway that's how I came to watch the trailer for The Long Walk, which is how I was reminded that my beloved Charlie Plummer (of Lean on Pete and National Anthem goodness) has a role in the Stephen King adaptation. And that made me very glad. I knew that Cooper Hoffman was in it and I knew that hot piece Garrett Wareing (click here for said hot-pieceness) was in it, but I didn't remember about Charlie. So that's groovy! The movie is out on September 10th. And you can watch the trailer here where I previously posted it, and I mentioned Charlie Plummer, and I talked about not watching the trailer because I don't watch trailers if I can help it. Listen -- there's a lot of distractions happening these days. I can't be expected to recall things I posted... nine days ago. (Good fucking grief.) 

Quote of the Day

"There’s definitely a raunchier version of this movie … what you’ve seen is the family friendly version… there’s also the Alexander Skarsgard cut.”

I've tried to avoid reviews and/or the specifics of what nudity and gay sex we should expect from Pillion -- the Gay BDSM Biker Movie starring Alexander Skarsgard and Harry Melling that just premiered at Cannes -- because the movie will surely get re-cut some before anyone not in France sees it. And sure enough that's also mentioned in this piece at Variety (thx Mac) talking to the actors and director Harry Lighton. Like, Lighton says he's currently working on "de-shining" some ejaculation right now for the MPAA lol. And that he edited out an erection aimed straight at the camera out of the cut before it even screened at Cannes. Anyway we can all mourn what's been lost unto the dust-bins of erotic cinematic history while still appreciating the fact that Alexander Skarsgard calls the raunchier cut of the movie "The Alexander Skarsgard Cut." Does this mean there was more of his body on display? Or does it mean that the kink being cut is a better representation of him as a person? Either way, I know what I'll be thinking about for the rest of today...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Moonstruck (1987)

Loretta: That was so awful.

Ronny: Awful?

Loretta: Beautiful... sad. She died!

Ronny: Yes.

Loretta: I was surprised... You know, I didn't 

really think she was gonna die. I knew she was sick.

Ronny: She had TB.

Loretta: I know! I mean, she was coughing her 

brains out, and still she had to keep singing!

A very happy birthday to the inimitable Cher today.

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Charles Melton Twelve Times

I got really panicky yesterday afternoon because I suddenly realized I have so much work to get done this week and not nearly enough time to get through it all -- especially with a four-day weekend ahead where I'll be otherwise occupied. But then I saw these photos of Charles Melton for GQ this morning and you know what? Everything is gonna be okay. Look at Charles Melton: 

We live in a world full of beautiful things. They can try to make us lose our minds but goodness and prettiness will always come up through the cracks. So yes I guess what I am saying is that Charles Melton is a dandelion in an apocalyptic wasteland. Thanks, Chuck! So y'all breathe deep and hit the jump for the entire photoshoot...

Good Morning, World

I've done a terrible job keeping up with them but Alexander Ludwig's been vacationing in Greece for the past week or so and his Instagram is full of sexy snaps like the ones seen here -- we love feeling like we've been taken along for a trip of constant beefcakery too! Murder our daily drudgery dead, you large beautiful man.

Skarsgård & Leather

It's wild that this outfit only dropped yesterday given how many more headline-grabbing outfits Alexander Skarsgård has been photographed in at Cannes since the above one, but the Gay BDSM Biker movie called Pillion that he stars in opposite Please Baby Please sub Harry Melling premiered at the fest then and this outfit did its job -- everybody around the globe stopped dead in their tracks and gawked. I posted several more on Bluesky so check 'em here -- slightly more important that Alex doing Tom of Finland drag though (slightly) is the fact that word of mouth on the movie itself out of the fest is very good! (And very hot too!) So I'm just gonna need this movie sooner rather than months from now. Do you hear me, A24? (And also I expect a positively pervy collection of Pillion-themed swag for sale in your shop as well!) Anyway while making France his bitch Alex has made out with Pedro Pascal and worn thigh-high leather boots and spangled pants as well, but I gotta admit the short-shorts he's been rocking today have been pretty top too! (See more here.) He' might single-handedly rescue 2025 from the shit-heap y'all. May the Pillion press tour save us!

Quote of the Day

"It’s 2025, and queer audiences want more. We’ve all seen a lot of tropes, especially when it comes to biopics. I’m working on one right now about Alexander McQueen. He was a gay man, HIV positive, artist, genius, living in the world of fashion with addiction, and then there’s suicide. I remember watching [Ryan Murphy’s] “Halston,” and seeing there is a path of queer people being successful and celebrated and flying too close to the sun. They are incinerated in some tragic ending. I think it sticks in our heads that that our lives could potentially go down this path, when our sexuality and lifestyles have a danger or sadness to them. All the secrecy and repression. I’ve made one, my film “Beauty.” But I’d like to offer audiences something else, a different queer experience... 

I love films that have raw sexuality, it’ll take a lot for me to be shocked or feel endangered by queer sex. I made a TV show in 2023 called “Mary and George,” and we would stand on set trying to think of new sex positions. I would turn to Nicholas Galitzine and say, “What have you not done?” He would go, “I got fucked that way yesterday. I already did an orgy with that guy the other day. I topped that guy and bottomed for the other.” The intimacy coordinator would come over with an iPad and flip through new positions. It was the point where I was just trying to differentiate a French orgy from a British one, like Legos."

There's a fun little chat with Moffie and Living director Oliver Hermanus at Variety today where they talk about his upcoming gay romance The History of Sound starring Josh O'Connor and Paul Mescal -- a film we've mentioned ohh a few times here at MNPP -- and I just had to excerpt the entire bit about filming gay sex scenes because it made me chuckle. And also to go rewatch Mary and George immediately. 

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Something Stinks in Cinema

There's a cute picture of a shirtless Barry Keoghan looking like he smells something vaguely unpleasant, which seems like the perfect introduction to my review of "his" movie Hurry Up Tomorrow -- he's only a supporting character and not to blame for anything so calling it "his" movie seems unfair. The movie belongs to the pop-star called The Weeknd and it came out over the (past) weekend and so did my review of it -- click here to read my review of it. I found some nice things to say -- Trey Edward Shults is a talented director! -- but it's a mess, and that is actually me still being nice. 

Good Morning, World

Happy Monday and hello to this new Josh O'Connor campaign for the brand Loewe -- now that the brand's creative director and Guadanino-best-bud Jonathan Anderson has departed Loewe for Dior I do wonder what will become of Josh. Will he stay or will he go? Is he trapped in a contract at the old dusty brand? Will he ever work with Luca again or is Luca onto the new shiny hot thing? Oooh -- Fashion & Film World Intrigue! Okay I'm actually not at all worried or even curious about any of this but I have to say something here and it's early Monday morning and I've only got so much in the tank. Hit the jump for the photos while I finish my coffee, how about that...

Tadanobu Take Us Away

Nothing like a hint of Tadanobu Asano's furry tum-tum to take us into the weekend with a buzz -- sure the world's on fire but there are still for the moment small pleasures to be had. (In fact you can see three more of these small pleasures right here.) As for the weekend, well, it's here. And there's a new Final Destination movie to enjoy! If you missed my review earlier you can read it here -- I'm seeing it myself a second time tomorrow because once again we must grab onto the good things while they're available! Such doom tinged to all of my optimissm these days! Weird, right? Where could all of that be coming from... aaaanyway I have a second review of a different movie coming out this weekend that will drop at some point in the next couple of days, so check back and I'll try to post about that. Until then... well just smoke 'em if ya got 'em, my friends. Poof!