my new plaid pants

Adam Brody Pornstache Alert

2012-01-27T17:37:00.003-05:00

JJ has pics of the actor on the set of Lovelace, where he's playing vintage penis Harry Reems. They also have shots of James Franco as Hugh Hefner, if you're interested. This has been your Adam Brody Pornstache Alert. Have a nice day.

Today's Mood

2012-01-27T16:22:00.000-05:00

Mozart was born 256 years ago today.
Rock me all the time to the top, Wolfie.

Johnathon Schaech Two Times

2012-01-27T16:16:00.000-05:00

Inspired by yesterday's bucking belt buckle remembrances.

Pic of the Day

2012-01-27T16:06:00.002-05:00

There really aren't any words that I can add to this banned Hungarian version of the poster for Shame that will add anything to the experience of looking at it, so I will not bother. There it is! Close up shop everybody, we've done our job here. (via)

Liam Neeson Then And Now

2012-01-27T15:47:00.005-05:00

Alright so those pictures are actually more "Then and Slightly Less Then," but I think you'll forgive me since he looks hot in those pictures. Anyway over at Celebrity Beehive I am ruminating upon the Old Liam Neeson (that is, the Younger Liam Neeson, the one who starred in Serious Movies like Schindler's List) and the New Liam Neeson (that is the Old Liam Neeson, who turns 60 in a few months, starring in the likes of The A-Team and Taken).

Why am I yammering on about Liam Neeson? Because he is out there punching wolves in this weekend's new release The Grey, that's why. I hadn't paid any attention to this movie until this week - I don't begrudge Liam Neeson making some money for himself, he seems a good fellow so go to town, good sir, but I don't especially feel inclined to go see his movies these days either. Only now I am hearing excellent things about The Grey - Roger Ebert gives it 3.5 stars and says "I sat regarding the screen with mounting dread" - and might end up going after all. I mean, I like a good "dudes getting eaten by wolves" flick as much as the next guy! (Hopefully the next guy like that a whole lot.)

Other movies out this weekend: One For the Money with That Blonde Everybody Except Joe Reid Professes To Hate But Then Her Movies Seem To Keep Making Money And I Don't Understand, and Man on a Ledge with Sam "My Middle Name Is Blah" Worthington. Read all about them, or rather read my rambling thoughts vaguely based upon them since I haven't seen any of them, over at Celebrity Beehive!

I'm going to take this opportunity to mention another movie that I didn't mention over there though - the sequel to the 1973 classic horror freak-out The Wicker Man, from the same director and called The Wicker Tree, is apparently out this weekend too! I know it is here in New York, at least - I can't imagine it's getting that wide of an opening so I can't really say "At a theater near you!" with this one. Unless you're me, or near me, since as I just said it is open here in New York. Anyway. Yes, please, I will gobble this one right up. All I needed to know I found out from this capture I took from the movie's IMDb page:

Even better is that Miss Honeysuckle Weeks (I want her to marry Benedict Cumberbatch and become Honeysuckle Weeks-Cumberbatch so bad) is playing a character named "Lolly." There aren't enough Lollys in my life. I'm going to start calling my boyfriend Lolly. (That is, if he's not already named Lolly. You don't know!)

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

What movie is this?

Be My Big Bro

2012-01-27T11:30:00.001-05:00

I don't watch Glee anymore - even with the wonder of Jane Lynch I only lasted a few episodes into the first season before the happy faces and jazz hands drove me back into the wilderness - but that doesn't mean I don't know who Darren Criss is, or that I don't enjoy the news that Matthew Bomer will be guest-starring on the show as Darren's older brother for all its surely-will-remain-imaginary but awesome-all-the-same incesty possibilities.
.

Charlie's Angels

2012-01-27T11:02:00.005-05:00

Hot news alert! Kate Winslet and Catherine Keener, two of the greatest actresses of a certain age, have joined the cast of Frank or Francis, Charlie Kaufman's next movie! This is the one that Kaufman wrote and is directing, not the one that he wrote that Spike Jonze is directing - both are supposedly in the works, ya know.

Frank or Francis is the "Hollywood satire" that already has Nicolas Cage and Kevin Kline and Steve Carell and Jack Black cast - I wrote a bunch about it at The Film Experience way back when, if you care or don't know all about it already.

The main thrust here is just Winslet and Keener in a Charlie Kaufman movie, hooray! As Slash points out they were both nominated for Oscars in roles in movies written by Kaufman before - Keener in Being John Malkovich and Winslet in Eternal Sunshine. They both should have won Oscars for those roles too, if you ask me. (You didn't.) Keener was also in Charlie's first directorial effort Synechdoche New York, aka the best movie of the past however many forever even years. Do you think this is my most anticipated movie ever? Do ya?
.

Hey Didja Hear That...

2012-01-27T10:42:00.001-05:00

... the "Tom Hardy and Chris Pine fight over whatshername" movie This Means War just got an R-rating for "sexual content"? Yeah I think you know where I'm going with this. Make it happen.

Good Morning, World

2012-01-27T10:23:00.001-05:00

Some vintage pics of a very young Jude Law on the stage (via). He's 22 here, the play was called Indiscretions, and anybody who was there is an asshole. I say we demand a revival. I'm surprised I'd never posted any of these pictures before, though. Hrm. Anyway see a random assortment of a couple more pictures of Jude Law after the jump because why not he's Jude Law.

RIP Eiko Ishioka

2012-01-26T17:24:00.001-05:00

Oh this makes me very sad - the designer Eiko Ishioka died this past Saturday at the age of 73. I wrote up an ode to her costumes for Bram Stoker's Dracula back in October (filled with lots of great pics; you should click over if you missed it) saying:

"Nowadays with television programming like Project Runway where we see people told on a weekly basis to make a dress that looks like a Tupperware full of spaghetti it might seem quaint, but at the time for a kid in a small town this sort of symbolic expression through costuming seemed revolutionary.

It wouldn’t be until years later that I’d see similarly hallucinogenic outfits in the films of Kenneth Anger and Alejandro Jodorowsky, obvious precursors to this sort of thing, so there will always be a scorch-mark inside my head that looks like that billowing orange gown that Lucy meets her wolf-man lover in. And I wouldn’t have it any other way."

She changed the way I looked at movies, and her work was part of the reason I became so obsessed with them, and I mourn all the amazing costumes we'll never get to see without her. But I'm sure her work opened up the minds for future generations of costume designers, and we'll see her influence for as long as people make movies. Her work for Tarsem's Mirror Mirror will be her swan song, as it were.

2012-01-26T17:02:00.000-05:00

Which Is Hotter?

2012-01-26T16:25:00.002-05:00

Charlton Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments,

or Billy Campbell as Moses in In The Beginning?

poll by twiigs.com

Did y'all hear the news that Steven Spielberg's planning on making a movie about Moses' life? The whole thing of course, from the basket floating down the river to the old man wandering in the desert, all that jazz. Says DH:

"The tone is expected to be less Cecile B. De Mille and more Braveheart with Moses portrayed as one of history's great warriors. It will also be filmed with a gritty and realistic tone akin to Spielberg's own Saving Private Ryan."

Mkay. With this and Darren Aronofsky's Noah epic I guess the time has come for Bible stories. I want Sodom and Gomorrah: The Movie then! Anyway when I saw this news I figured I'd look up and see what actors have played Moses in the past that are named something other than Charlton Heston and that's how I stumbled upon the fact that beautiful Billy Campbell (you'll want to click that link) played him in this 2000 TV movie which I don't remember existing. Apparently neither does the world because I could find literally zero point zero zero pictures of him in the role online! WTF, internet? Fail. Somebody did upload the entire movie onto YouTube though (I don't know), so I dutifully scanned through it until I found him. But you wanna know what else I discovered while dutifully scanning through it?

Mmhmm. Eddie Cibrian plays some kind of slave boy and it appears as if he sexes his way to the top of the slave ladder. Okay again I was only fast-forwarding through it and I wasn't listening to the dialogue at all, so this is probably an entirely skewed version of the events, but hey, it's what we got. I mean come on. Everybody's eyeing Eddie like he's a sizzling slab of beef and they haven't eaten in a month.

Point being, religion ain't just bad stuff! It's also about hot guys spending all their time together without anything on under their robes. Never forget that.

See several more gifs after the jump. Love the shot of him

checking out his spectacular ass in his stylin' new outfit.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

2012-01-26T13:46:00.001-05:00

you can learn from:

Sweet Bird of Youth (1962)

Chance Wayne: I had my picture on the cover of Life magazine! Woo-ha! And at the same time I was employing my other talent, lovemaking.
Alexandra: That may be the only talent
you were ever truly meant for.

I think we can all agree to the truth of that sentiment

as far as Paul Newman was concerned. Good god, yes.

Today would've been his 87th birthday.

Happy day, Paul, you god amongst men.

David Beckham Five Times

2012-01-26T13:29:00.000-05:00

(via)

Crazy Purple Clown Lady

2012-01-26T13:24:00.001-05:00

Inspired by the new Effie-Trinket-ized "Capitol Couture" website for The Hunger Games, I wrote up some thoughts over at The Film Experience today on what's going on - or how I'm choosing to read what's going on - with the marketing for the movie. Spoiler alert: I love it. Love love love it. But click over anyway, I say more than that.

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-26T12:33:00.001-05:00

What movie is this?

Do You Hate Me, Dominic Cooper?

2012-01-26T12:04:00.001-05:00

Is that what this is? Because I can't really understand why else you would do this to me. Via DH:

"Dominic Cooper, Thandie Newton and Chiwetel Ejiofor are all set to star in an adaptation of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's bestselling novel "Half of a Yellow Sun" for BFI...

This follows several characters including a university professor (Ejiofor) and his girlfriend (Newton), their houseboy along with several more and sets it against the backdrop of the Nigerian-Biafran War in the late 60's when southern Nigeria attempted to secede and form their own country.

Cooper would play British ex-pat studying in Nigeria. Nigerian playwright Biyi Bandele is making his directorial debut on the film which Andrea Calderwood and Gail Egan are producing. Shooting kicks off in March."

What happened is Dom must have come here to the site and seen all my swooning about his bum and got weirded out so he searched around the site for the person in the world that I like least of all and since Chloe Moretz was busy and Harvey Weinstein doesn't act he went and found that vile stick bug Thandie "Insufferable" Newton and said "Hey, let's mess with this bum stalker!" Cue this news. It's the only explanation! He's so spiteful! Ugh, torment, torment. I think this was like the third or fourth level of Dante's Inferno, wasn't it? This right here. Well at least Chewie's there too, he'll make things better.

Now Now Release It Now!

2012-01-26T10:19:00.001-05:00

So I've mentioned it a couple times here but if you've been paying any attention to Sundance then you've probably heard the buzz about the "found footage" anthology horror movie V/H/S. I've been yammering about it because 1) I love anthology movies, 2) I love scary movies that are actually scary, and they say it is, 3) I love "found footage" movies in general, as my review of The Tunnel just the other day reinforced, but mostly 4) One of the directors of one of the segments is Ti West, who has never made an uninteresting horror movie, and I've seen all of his movies now so I am an expert and you should listen to me.

The other directors that worked on V/H/S are as follows: David Bruckner, who was one of the three directors on The Signal, which has a lot of good stuff to it (my favorite section of The Signal is the freaky funny middle one, which was directed by Jacob Gentry, who's gone on to make the Super Psycho Sweet Sixteen slasher flicks for MTV, of all things); Glenn McQuaid, who made the grave-robber comedy I Sell the Dead, which I've been meaning to watch for ages; a directing collective of four dudes calling themselves Radio Silence who've made some shorts I'm not familiar with; Adam Wingard, who made A Horrible Way To Die, which I thought I'd reviewed but apparently didn't and now I only vaguely remember it; and then Joe Swanberg, who's made a name for himself as one of the leading men of Mumblecore (he's one of the reasons Greta Gerwig is Greta Gerwig, so bow down) with Hannah Takes the Stairs and LOL, amongst others.

Anyway, those are the dudes that have gathered their disturbed wits about them to make V/H/S, and the big news this morning, the reason I'm rambling about all this, is the studio Magnolia has bought the movie and is going to release it first on VOD, as they've been doing with all their horror films, and then as they put it it'll get "a significant theatrical release." Ride the buzz wave, Magnolia! Get this thing out ASAP! Or just get it out to me ASAP! Me! Mostly I just want to avoid spoilers and the longer this thing hovers in the ether the more likely I'll get something spoiled for myself. Also mostly I just want it. Now!

Good Morning, World

2012-01-26T09:45:00.001-05:00

At around the same time I posted those shots of Eduardo Noriega earlier this week I also stumbled upon this scene of him and Vincent Dissez playing around, ahem, in the shower in a 2002 film called Novo. I haven't seen the movie so the context is lost upon me, which is fine - this sort of things works just fine sans context, ya know? The context would probably screw it up, in truth.

A wise man once said tis better to be ignorant than unturned on. Alright I just made that up, but it seems wise to me, so whatever. If you want to see several gifs I made of this and another scene in the movie, hit the jump.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-25T17:57:00.001-05:00

From a review of the new comedy For A Good Time, Call..., about two new friends (Lauren "Seth Rogen's Wife" Anne Miller and Ari "Balls Deep" Graynor) who start a phone sex line, that just showed at Sundance and has been getting big raves:

"It's also guaranteed to vault Graynor to the next level of comedy stars."

Well it's about effing time! We've only been hollering about her being worthy for going on four years now, since she knocked her every scene in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist out of the park. I'd begun to worry she was going to slip through the cracks, so this is super duper welcome news. Make it happen, people!

The Stoning Of Armie H.

2012-01-25T17:12:00.000-05:00

I guess he took the J. Edgar Oscar snubbing pretty hard.
"I made out with Leo for nothing? Pass me a joint!"

Ryan Kwanten Five Times

2012-01-25T14:49:00.001-05:00

Happy Australia Day!

The Moment I Fell For... Greta Gerwig

2012-01-25T13:21:00.003-05:00

I've got director Ti West on the brain today due to all the buzz from Sundance on his new anthology movie V/H/S, hence this (which I can't believe I never wrote up before anyway). I'd seen Greta in the movie Baghead, which she's also wonderful in, before seeing her in this, but it was this role here in The House of the Devil that got me hooked. In my review way back when I rhapsodized on an earlier scene in the film where Greta and Jocelyn Donahue eat some pizza and chat like besties, which is a great scene and is, to me, one of the lynchpins for why this movie works so well - we come to really like these two girls, and don't want anything bad to happen to them - but it's this slightly later moment with Gerwig alone that sealed my eternal adoration of her. They've gotten to the spooky old house and she's been left alone while Donahue gets a tour, and all she does is try a piece of old candy that's in a dish across from the sofa, but it's all so natural and charming and funny, her grossed-out reaction, that my heart fluttered with affection, never to turn back.

Which is Hotter?

2012-01-25T12:41:00.001-05:00

Franklin Hardesty (Paul A. Partain)

or The Hitchhiker (Edwin Neal) in

Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre?

poll by twiigs.com

Happy 69th birthday, Tobe!

I hope Djinn is good!

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-25T12:07:00.000-05:00

What movie is this?

I Don't Remember...

2012-01-25T11:31:00.000-05:00

... adding Taylor Lautner's movie Abduction to my Netflix queue, but now that it's here I cannot wait to watch it. Please let it be as terrible as I've been promised!

I Am Link

2012-01-25T11:05:00.004-05:00

--- Conjuring Couple - Just yesterday we told you about Patrick Wilson reteaming with Insidious director James Wan along with Vera Farmiga for The Conjuring, a tale of a couple of real-world paranormal investigators and frauds - today we hear that Office Space's Ron Livingston and The Haunting remake's Lili Taylor (Never Forget) are also in talks to join it. They'll play the people getting haunted who call in Patty & Vera for aid. If Lili starts talking to cherubs in the curtains, I'm out.

--- Hell Day - So happy to have Final Girl restarting the Film Club after a bit of a hiatus - February 13th is the date and Hell Night is the movie. I cannot remember if I've seen Hell Night before or not, so a rewatch is surely in order.

--- Kim Bits - I think I mention this every time I link to something at Sunset Gun, but I only go over there every couple of months since Kim doesn't update that often, and then I've got like five or six wonderful pieces to chew on, and it is a delight. So goes this time - here's Kim talking about Melancholia (plus a list of the rest of her 2011 faves), here she is talking about Hitchcock's blondes, and here she is talking about Stanley Kubrick's final masterpiece Eyes Wide Shut, which I still can't believe is as underrated as it is.

--- Hello Goodbye - io9's list of movies we'll probably never ever get to see because of their irretrievable histories is fascinating.

--- DaKayed - A couple great things from Glenn at Stale Popcorn to link to: here's his take on the wonderful little gay romance Weekend, notable for its inclusion of gifs of White Collar's Tim DeKay stripping his clothes off in the gay movie Big Eden. I had never seen Tim with his clothes off, and now I need to see much much more. And here's Glenn talking about the possibility of a fifth Scream movie, a dream he had about what it would be (and it's a great idea), and his worthwhile affection for Hayden Panettiere's movie buff Kirby in the fourth movie.

--- Video Dream - This review I am linking to over at AICN has spoilers so I haven't even read it myself, but I'm using it as an opportunity to say I have read the headlines about the new anthology horror movie V/H/S that just played at Sundance and Oh my god I want it right now!!! I actually already mentioned it the other week - the director of the one of the segments is Ti West, so obviously I was going to want to watch this thing anyway. But the reviews have been, judging solely from the headlines to avoid spoilers, stellar, and now I will spend however many endless months waiting for this to get released whining about it. So I am preparing you for my whining basically. Be prepared!

--- Over and Evil Out - Phil Collins' daughter Lily has had to drop out of the Evil Dead remake due to some kind of a scheduling conflict. I think it's really because of that disturbing gif I made when I first heard the news of her casting, to be honest. Who will they get to replace her? Someone I actually like? Stay tuned!

--- And finally, I was inspired by Nathaniel's talk at Towleroad of the 1927 silent classic and first Best Picture winner Wings' release onto BluRay this week to make this gif, the end.

Good Morning, World

2012-01-25T09:40:00.002-05:00

A happy 30th birthday to Enver Gjokaj, who was so wonderful on Joss Whedon's short-lived series Dollhouse that we will never stop clanging the bell for big career things for him. Thankfully he appears to have Joss Whedon still in his corner, as he's supposedly got a role in The Avengers movie, although it's not listed on IMDb as so. But we heard he did! So that makes it true. Right? Right? (gif via)

Please Please Please...

2012-01-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

Edgar Wright tweeted this picture with Simon Pegg earlier today. Want! Need! Must have! Read more about what The World's End is if you dunno here. It'd be the third in their quasi-trilogy alongside Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, in short. Hence the whole "Want! Need! Must have!" thing.

I Have To Go To The Dentist Now

2012-01-24T16:45:00.000-05:00

And that's how it makes me feel. (via)

Thanks To Whomever It Was That Failed...

2012-01-24T16:30:00.000-05:00

... to teach Zac Efron to pull up his pants in his life.

(click to embiggen)

First The PW Beefcake, Then The PW News

2012-01-24T16:08:00.001-05:00

The impossibly perfect person Patrick Wilson has been swallowed up by a television program I can't stomach - even if they did do the right thing and get him out of his clothes a few times, as these until-now unposted shots seen above, plus ones here and more here, can attest to - so he doesn't really need to keep making movies if he didn't want to. But there he was, very fine in Young Adult, and he'll be in Ridley Scott's Prometheus in a small role (I think) too. Anyway I'm glad to hear he's still snapping up movie roles and not getting lazy and resting on his weekly paycheck laurels (cough Nathan Fillion cough). The new news: he's probably re-hooking up with his Insidious director James Wan for that true-story paranormal investigators movie I told you about way back in December. Says THR:

"Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are in final negotiations to star in The Conjuring, a supernatural thriller from New Line.

The casting will reteam Wilson with director James Wan, who directed the actor in Insidious, another supernatural creepfest that was one last year's most profitable movies.

In Conjuring, written by Chad and Carey Hayes, Wilson and Farmiga will play a husband and wife team of demonologists and psychic investigators who enter the most horrifying case of their career, spirits in a Rhode Island farmhouse.

The story is based on the real life tale of the Perron family and their ordeals in the 1970s. When New Line acquired the pitch from the Hayes, it included life rights to the Perron family and the paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren.

A March shoot in North Caroline is being eyed."

These Warren people gained the majority of their notoriety because of the Amityville Horror house, which they investigated first. They've been deemed frauds time and again. Since I don't believe in ghosts or spirits or anything like that I'm prone to agree, but that doesn't mean I won't have a fun time watching oogie-boogies pop out at Patrick and Vera in a movie all the same. Okay, back to the beefcake!

Hey Look It's The First Footage...

2012-01-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

... of Gary Oldman hearing he'd received

his first ever Oscar nomination this morning:

Congrats, Gary! Have fun celebrating tonight!

So This Is A Conversation That Happened

2012-01-24T14:41:00.003-05:00

This is amazing. Via an interview

with David Cronenberg over at The Playlist:

When Ivan Reitman was planning a movie called "Twins," he called up his longtime friend and former compatriot. The conversation went something like this, according to Cronenberg:
Ivan: "I hear you're making a movie called 'Twins.'"
David: "Yeah, it's about these twin gynecologists."
Ivan: "I want to make a movie called 'Twins' as well."
David: "Oh, really?"
Ivan: "Yeah, and I need the title more than you do. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, twins. That's the sell."
David: "I can see that."
Ivan: "So we can't both have movies called 'Twins.'"
David: "OK. How much?"
Reitman ended up paying Cronenberg for the use of the title, and Cronenberg changed the title of his 1988 film to "Dead Ringers," which was now financed by "Twins" money. "And they both did OK, on their own levels," Cronenberg chuckled.

I'd love to theorize a mash-up of the two movies in words but my memories of the Schwarzenegger movie are so blurry - I haven't seen it since I was a kid, although I'm sure I saw it several times since I recall my mother loving it - I can't really think up any good gags. Except for the part where Jeremy Irons investigates Danny Devito's sensitive parts with an oblong razor-toothed speculum of sorts, of course. That's a given. (That's always a given.)

Jean Dujardin Five Times

2012-01-24T13:37:00.002-05:00

I want you all to take note of how he's wearing Plaid Pants in that last pic on the right. It's a signal to me! I'm coming, Jean! Ahem. Via GQ. And as if we need more cause to love him, in Dujardin's interview he says he "adores" Paul Newman. Good taste, Frenchman! They could've made a great pair. Paul Newman takes France, where Jean Dujardin takes Paul Newman. I like it. Somebody get me a time machine and a Hollywood producing contract!

Does Whatever A Spider Man Does

2012-01-24T13:13:00.000-05:00

Been awhile since we checked in on the Spider-Man reboot front with our British boyfriend (well one of them) Andrew Garfield (outta the way, Emma Stone!). They're been releasing some new pictures lately, so here they be. Some of them where his face isn't showing who knows if that's actually him in the costume or not. It could be Emma Stone for all we know! It could be me, even. Oh did I just spoil the end of the movie? Whoops. I am Spider-Man you guys. Now you know.

You Win, Ewan

2012-01-24T12:44:00.003-05:00

Besides that Madonna person, there were famous people all over the W.E. screening last night - besides a bunch of the cast (Andrea Riseborough! Oscar Isaacs!) my boyfriend stood next to Patti Smith and Andrew McCarthy (not together; how weird would that be) in the popcorn line and Russell Simmons was waiting outside the bathroom when I went. But apparently Ewan McGregor was there, and I missed him, so it's all for naught. Naught!

Boo, Ewan! How dare you dodge me.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

2012-01-24T12:17:00.002-05:00

Today I'd rather be...

... taking in the view with Justin Chatwin.

Pic of the Day

2012-01-24T11:53:00.002-05:00

I Facebook'd and Tweeted and Tumblr'd pictures from the W.E. screening I attended at the Ziegfeld Theater here in NYC last evening the second I got home - lest anybody not know for five seconds longer than they should go on without knowing such a thing that I stood half a foot away from Madonna - so all that remains is to blog about it!

I won't be saying anything about the film itself until the thing's released on February 3rd, but I will say it was a surreal thing, seeing Madge in person, and so super duper close up at that. After introducing the film she walked right past me, inches away, the only thing between us an incredibly handsome and well-groomed security guard who looked like a retired football player, and while I'd love to make a bitchy comment about how buffed to a sheen she was she actually looked better than I expected her to in person. I haven't really been a fan since I was in college doing lots of drugs and dancing my brains loose, so I'm prone to snark, but I'll give her a pass this time. There are worse icons to borrow from than Mae West and she was in full on Mae West last evening. Can't knock that.

poll by twiigs.com

5 Off My Head - Oscar Noms Nom Nom Nom

2012-01-24T11:06:00.007-05:00

I figured my earlier post dedicated to the penises of Michael Fassbender and Michael Shannon (and the bum of Jean Dujardin) would be enough to get the Oscar chatter out of my system but I actually feel like talking about the nominations this morning, surprisingly. So here are some thoughts on the categories. I'll highlight where my vote if I had one would go in red.

ACTRESS in a LEADING Role

Glenn Close in "Albert Nobbs"

Viola Davis in "The Help"

Rooney Mara in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

Meryl Streep in "The Iron Lady"

Michelle Williams in "My Week with Marilyn"

No Tilda, no Charlize. (No Juliette Binoche for that matter, not that she was ever in the running.) Bah, y'all. My vote would go to Rooney Mara, who I thought was incredible in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Viola made champagne from shit with The Help but that movie was too sloppy to give anybody a manageable character arc. I thought Williams was good in My Week With Marilyn but again, she was let down by what the movie asked of her. Close was just bizarre, not in a good way. Haven't seen The Iron Lady.

ACTRESS in a SUPPORTING Role

Bérénice Bejo in "The Artist"

Jessica Chastain in "The Help"

Melissa McCarthy in "Bridesmaids"

Janet McTeer in "Albert Nobbs"

Octavia Spencer in "The Help"

Bejo was not that great in The Artist. She was what kept me from falling in love with the movie whole-heartedly. Chastain was a hoot in The Help, and I love her now, but she was amazing in Take Shelter, her nom should be for that. I suppose she could win for just being good in twenty different things this year. They say it's Octavia's to win and I like Octavia, she's very funny, but I don't get the praise for that performance. It never dug beneath the surface. I'm almost willing to root for Janet McTeer just if she promises to flash her enormous hooters on stage. But obviously my vote goes to Melissa McCarthy. Go fans united front!

ACTOR in a LEADING Role

Demián Bichir in "A Better Life"

George Clooney in "The Descendants"

Jean Dujardin in "The Artist"

Gary Oldman in "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy"

Brad Pitt in "Moneyball"

If I were handing out the trophy it would go to Jean Dujardin. I've made it clear that I didn't like Clooney's performance in The Descendants or Brad Pitt's in Moneyball. I liked Oldman in Tinker Tailor and would be perfectly happy if he won, but out of these five I prefer Dujardin's livelier performance. I haven't seen A Better Life so I can't speak on Bichir. Of course, Michael Fassbender and Michael Shannon aren't here so this list is meaningless anyway.

ACTOR in a SUPPORTING Role

Kenneth Branagh in "My Week with Marilyn"

Jonah Hill in "Moneyball"

Nick Nolte in "Warrior"

Christopher Plummer in "Beginners"

Max von Sydow in "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"

Nick Nolte was fucking terrible in Warrior. His big dramatic scene, the one I have no doubt they'll use for his Oscar clip, was embarrassingly bad. Tom Hardy or Joel Edgerton were both great, give them some love Academy! Gah. Jonah Hill was just "Jonah Hill wearing glasses" in Moneyball, I can't fathom the praise he's gotten. Inexplicable. Plummer was terrific in Beginners, and he'll win, so I suppose this is fine. No Albert Brooks though equals the turd in the punchbowl. Branagh was fine, whatever. I haven't seen and have no plans to ever see Extremely Loud - I almost feel like we people who were here in NYC that day ought to be able to sue the people who made the movie for the continued assault of trailers for it that make me so goddamned angry every goddamned time. (And I am one of ten people who still like The Reader, but no Stephen Daldry, no)

WRITING (ADAPTED Screenplay)

"The Descendants" Alexander Payne Nat Faxon Jim Rash

"Hugo" John Logan

"The Ides of March"George Clooney Grant Heslov Beau Willimon

"Moneyball" Steven Zaillian Aaron Sorkin Stan Chervin

"Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" Bridget O'Connor Peter Straughan

I already half expected them to snub Michael Fassbender and Charlize and Tilda and Michael Shannon so I'm not that surprised this morning on those ones, so I think the nomination off my head that's making me the angriest is this here writing nomination for The Ides of March. That is a TERRIBLE script, I just bitched about it in my review the other day. An awful movie in general, but the script was the worst offender. Just trite nonsense, lazy and boring and awful, ugh. Ugh! Not that the scripts for The Descendants or Moneyball were much better but at least they had their moments. Just keep jerking George Clooney off, y'all. He needs it.

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-24T10:10:00.001-05:00

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Oscar Snubbed Michaels

2012-01-24T09:47:00.002-05:00

Michaels Fassbender and Shannon, I hope and trust
that you both know what a silly game the Oscars are.

You have my little golden man if you want it!

Here's the whole list of nominees if you missed it.

(I doubt anybody reading this blog has missed it, but whatever)

It reads like a who's who of WHAAAAAA??? But hey, Jean Dujardin.

He should win for that movie where the guy plays with his ass alone.

It's kind of early for all this smut, I think. Ah well. C'est la vie!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

2012-01-23T17:11:00.004-05:00

... you can learn from:

Querelle (1982)

.

.

Lysiane: [singing] Each man kills the thing he loves!
Each man kills the thing he loves!
Da da da. Da da da da.

A happy 84th birthday to the legend Jeanne Moreau!

BLated BCoop Bday

2012-01-23T16:56:00.001-05:00

We missed Bradley's birthday the other week.

Shame on us. Happy belated, Brad!

The Tunnel in 150 Words or Less

2012-01-23T16:26:00.000-05:00

It owes more to its "found footage" forebears than it probably should - there are moments that, if they're not intended as homages to The Blair Witch Project and [REC] (and The Descent for that matter), are too distractingly similar - but like those movies it got a rise out of me all the same. I know these flicks aren't everybody's cuppa, but I'm a pretty easy mark for them. They get you in there, right in the moment, and then they turn the lights out and you're in a room with a monster and it just works on me every damn time, what can I say. And besides the sometimes cinematic déjà vu, The Tunnel has a trio of very important points in its corner: the characters are likable, the setting is scary, and the monsters are freaky. Toss all that together and if you're up for it you're gonna have a good, scary time.

Eduardo Noriega Eight Times

2012-01-23T16:05:00.000-05:00

He looks a lot like Eli Roth in those pictures, doesn't he? I've never thought they looked a lot alike before, but they do here. I am not crazy! Don't look at me like that. They could be brothers here. See?

poll by twiigs.com

I mean Eduardo's the sexier less-hirsute more-Spanish brother,
obviously, but it's totally there.

Pic of the Day

2012-01-23T12:53:00.000-05:00

Via Man of Steel's Facebook page - just pretend Mister Mxyzptlk hit you with a shrink-ray and that it's not at all pervy that you're projecting yourself onto an actual little kid being cradled between Henry Cavill's loving latex arms.

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-23T12:33:00.002-05:00

What movie is this?

What Do You Suppose They Are Laughing At?

2012-01-23T12:00:00.002-05:00

(via)

Look Who Hung Out

2012-01-23T11:16:00.000-05:00

It's one-time BFFs Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols! We haven't seen them together since they went riding bikes in April of 2009, I think. That doesn't mean they haven't been together - or together, even - since then. Just we haven't seen it if they have. The "unfortunately" is implied. And hey, Adam Levine was there too! This has the makings of something interesting inside my imaginations...

Avenger Super Arms

2012-01-23T10:20:00.002-05:00

It's all about the biceps in these two new shots of Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans in Joss Whedon's Avengers movie. See more of the shots, with some Scarlett Johansson and Sam Jackson, over here. Their biceps aren't as lovely though.

Good Morning, World Benedict Cumberbatch

2012-01-23T09:58:00.004-05:00

Guess who watched the entire first season (excuse me, series - now that we're watching Brit TV we should speak accordingly) - of Sherlock over the weekend? This guy! I took y'all's advice and took to Netflix and plowed right through the first three... episodes? Movies? They're awfully long to call episodes. I don't understand how British TV schedules things. Driving on the other side of the street, hour and a half long episodes - it's chaos over there! Chaos! Anyway y'all were enthusiastically emphatic about me watching the show when I asked, so I did. And I liked it quite a bit! I'll probably even watch the second season excuse me series before the week is through. Good job, everyone! In celebration, here are some pictures of a naked Benedict Cumberbatch, who confounded me for so long. Now I get it. He's terrific. Bonus: he's standing in front of book shelves in a few of these shots! My bookshelf fetish doesn't get nearly enough action. Hit the jump for more.

2012-01-20T17:57:00.002-05:00

Chris Hemsworth Is Finnick Odair

2012-01-20T17:49:00.006-05:00

Or at least he could be, is the thought I had while looking at these four new shots of him romping in the water (in addition to the ones I already posted here and here). Has his name been mentioned for the important role showing up in the next chapter of The Hunger Games trilogy? He must have. Anyway he'd get to work with his brother Liam, even! (Although, do Gale and Finnick cross paths? I read the books so quickly and such awhile ago that they're starting to become quite vague in my recollection.) Anyway Chris Hemsworth would make a fine Finnick, I'm just putting that out there. He's even a decent age for the role, right? Maybe a wee bit older, but he could pull it off, they've aged everybody up a little bit anyway. Okay I just want to see him in all the skimpy sea-man Finnick outfits, it's true, you know it's true, I know it's true, whatever.

Just What Are You Getting At, Gary Cooper?

2012-01-20T17:23:00.001-05:00

Pervert!

I was sent into a Gary Cooper obsess spiral earlier this afternoon when I read this several-week-old review of Ernst Lubitsch's pre-code threesome comedy Design For Living by Kim Morgan. It stars the Coop and Fredric March and Miriam Hopkins, and I have never seen this movie but I knew once I saw a couple of pictures I would be watching it, like tonight. I mean come on!

Who the hell does this woman think she is anyway? The nerve! If I'd have been a woman on the street in 1933 who saw this movie and then saw Miriam Hopkins walk by I would have walked right up to her and given her a talking to. Stealing all the men. Harumph! Also, jealousy, jealousy, so much jealousy.

So anyway I will watch this movie this weekend for sure,

and that's the end of my story. Now, eyes. Dear god so much eyes.

Blow Me Away, Ewan

2012-01-20T14:38:00.001-05:00

I've already seen and reviewed the movies coming out this weekend that I'd have had any desire to see - those being Steven Soderbergh's Hayire (review) and Ralph Fiennes' Coriolanus (review) - so I'm going to try and finally catch up on movies I haven't gotten around to seeing yet instead. (Hello, Tintin!) I can't quite make my mind up on Zhang Yimou's The Flowers of War - the reviews have been disappointing, to put it kindly, and the photos I've seen from the film don't seem to have any of that visual flair I need from his movies. Hrm. Anyway, point being, there are movies out today! So I wrote up some thoughts on them at Celebrity Beehive, go read that. And because you're all wonderful people I've attached two shots of Ewan McGregor being hot to this post. Enjoy.

Which Is Hotter?

2012-01-20T13:18:00.001-05:00

It's the genius David Lynch's 66th birthday today (hey he's exactly one day younger than Dolly Parton! They really should have worked together. Imagine!) and since thanks to the brilliant television program Enlightened we're knee-deep in a moment with his muse Laura Dern (not that we're ever not in a Laura Dern moment, we've always adored her) we thought we'd mix the two up and ask...

poll by twiigs.com

With all apologies to the hottest of them all, of course...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

2012-01-20T12:42:00.001-05:00

... you can learn from:

Clueless (1995)

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".

Happy birthday, Stacey Dash!

(Aww now I miss Brittany Murphy again)

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-20T12:16:00.002-05:00

What movie is this?

More Thor Torso More

2012-01-20T11:24:00.001-05:00

For someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth looks without his clothes on, Chris Hemsworth doesn't spend nearly enough time showing it off. Why doesn't he take the example set forth by his constantly beach-romping countryman Hugh Jackman? Why, I ask??? Anyway since spottings of him of this sort are too rare, you'll forgive me for posting a few more shots from the bunch I already posted some from yesterday, I think. With bonus Matt Damon! (via)

I Am Link

2012-01-20T11:05:00.000-05:00

--- Battle of the Bears - Billy Bob Thornton is really spoiling the multiplied sexiness of this news, but he and Thomas Jane and James Marsden have signed on to a movie called Red Machine where it will be them versus a bear! Oh wait, not this kind of a bear? Damn, the news just gets less and less sexy.

--- Mitty Meets Wiig - Hrm, I dunno how much I like this news of Kristen Wiig signing on the be "the girl" in a Ben Stiller comedy. Granted it's a new version of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, a story I've always had affection for, but no doubt he'll dumb it down since that's what he's always doing. (Unless we're speaking about the rare appearance of Greenberg-isn Ben Stiller, which we hope.) Anyway hopefully there's something for Wiig to do here other than be "the girl." She's past that now, ain't she?

--- Tarnished Gold - Ha, I am loving Joe's new Tumblr This Had Oscar Buzz, where he reminds us of the nonsense of Oscar seasons past. Riding in Buzz with HA HA HA HA HA, lol.

--- Sexy and Starving - Jennifer Lawrence (should I quit trying to make "JLaw" happen? her name has so many letters, y'all, I'm already sick of typing it) looks hot on this poster for The Hunger Games, which... well Katniss really shouldn't look this hot. But whatever. Who wants to look at icky starving people anyway?

--- Giant Tumble - Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant Killer has been pushed like forever away, from June of this year until March of next. People would have been more enthusiastic about the trailer if they hadn't released it like five seconds after the Dark Knight Rises trailer, ya big bunch of dummies. This has had the effect of putting a big question mark around Arthur and Lancelot, that fantasy movie set to star Game of Thrones' sexy depressive Jon Snow aka Kit Harington and that Joel Kinnman person (also sexy, depressive not sure about), which was going to come out on the day where Jack the Giant Killer now is. Since I know they weren't going to make it a gay romance between Kit and Joel, I am less upset about this then I otherwise would've been.

--- Super Junk - These pictures of Henry Cavill at the airport probably don't deserve their own post, but I will link to them at JJ anyway because damn that ass.

--- Wind Under Wings - I love this - there's a screening of classic 80s weepie Beaches happening on January 28th here in NYC being billed as a "Cry Along"! How great is that? I do wish it were a double-bill with Bette Midler's Stella though, because as we all know, I cannot get enough of Stella.

--- Hey Hey Haywire - I wrote up my thoughts on Steven Soderbergh's new movie Haywire earlier this week, and now you can compare and contrast them with my viewing partner Nathaniel in his review at Towleroad. I liked it more, and not only because I don't have a thing against yellow.

Good Morning, World

2012-01-20T09:54:00.002-05:00

A very happy 42nd birthday to Scream and The Craft (can't forget The Craft!) actor Skeet Ulrich today. Actually I had completely forgotten he was in The Craft until IMDb reminded me. Which only underlines how desperately I need to watch The Craft again. Were he and Neve having a fling or something? They were momentarily the Bogie and Bacall of our times and we didn't even know it! I'm rambling because I don't really have much of anything to say about Skeet. But here are some pictures of him after the jump anyway!

I Don't Know What Dominic Cooper...

2012-01-19T18:17:00.003-05:00

... is about to do to that strange pot of sticks,
but I want in, whatever it may be.

Three Quick Reviews

2012-01-19T16:27:00.019-05:00

If I don't type up a couple thoughts on these movies I've seen in the past week right now, I probably never will. This is wholly off the cuff, and therefore probably going to be nonsense, but whatcha gonna do? Actually take the time to craft something thoughtful? Bah! Seriously though, if I had much to say on these I would, like I did with Haywire yesterday. But I don't. So I won't.

The Ides of March - Really exceptionally boring. Clooney seemed asleep in front of and behind the camera - I don't know why he made this movie except maybe he wanted to jerk off on the memory of Sidney Lumet. I guess he got to pretend he was running for office without any of the actual tough parts. There's more insight in a five minute Rachel Maddow monologue. The writing was occasionally plunge-out-my-eardrums-with-a-fork awful. Ryan Gosling's accent is all over the place, but he wears his suits well. (Shocker.) He didn't really seem to know who this character was he was playing, either. Nobody much felt like a person. Marisa Tomei maybe, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman was pretty good.

Moneyball - Speaking of PSH being best in show, I loved every shot of his scowling baseball coach here, but I didn't like this movie either. I have no special love for stereotypically told "Sports Movies" with their routine telling of the old-as-time underdog tale but this movie seemed disingenuous to me in its attempts at being different just for different's sake. Something just rang really false about it all to me, like everybody involved was so actively engaged in carving off expectations that they forgot to make any of it involving, or interesting. Like with Ides of March, Moneyball never got me anywhere near giving a shit about any of these people and their ridiculous problems. Oh Brad Pitt was fine (I generally very much like watching him onscreen, even when he's clothed) and as a vehicle for him coasting along amiably it was fine but we live in a skewed universe where this can be considered the best anything. It's just slightly less obnoxious than Clooney's golden praise for his dull scattered work in The Descendants. Jonah Hill wore glasses, so I guess that was respectable of him? I don't even know.

Carnage - Of the three this is definitely my favorite, and I'm sure I'll find myself watching Carnage again someday, but it's by no means a homerun. As I said earlier this week I'm perfectly on board with Joe Reid's rankings of the performances - Kate Winslet walks away handily with best in show (Barf of the century!), while Jodie seems a little lost. I kept feeling like she was panic-stricken looking for a closet to lock herself in so she'd feel comfortable enough with her surroundings to get her bearings. Although you figure this is, generally speaking, another "trapped in an enclosed space" sort of movie for her - too bad Jared Leto and his cornrows never swung through the window! I'd never seem the play, and I have to admit I was a little bit put off by the occasional facile misstep, but it is a tricky beast and I could see some of the off-notes working if the whole cast were a little bit tighter in step. Polanski does a good job working the space for all its worth - there must be five thousand camera set-ups in this thing, looking at these four people from every single angle there could ever be, keeping the single set feeling more dynamic than it could have.
.

Howl, Wolfman Joe

2012-01-19T16:00:00.002-05:00

Ah-wooooooo! (via)

Do Dump or Marry - The Ladies Of Consolidated

2012-01-19T13:19:00.001-05:00

In honor of Dolly Parton's 66th birthday today - happy birthday Dolly! - I ask you to look back upon the classic silly 1980 comedy Nine to Five for our first all female edition of Do Dump or Marry. I figure Dolly and Lily and Jane are the movie itself are all gay enough to overcome any funny feelings their lady business might inspire.

This query involves their characters - the mousy newcomer Judy (played by Jane Fonda), the manic yet efficient Violet (played by Lily Tomlin) and the busty and bubbly Doralee (played by Dolly). Which would you drop the pencil in your office for some afternoon delight with, which would you give their pink slip, and which would you chain up in an elaborate system of cords and pulleys to keep forever?

Hit the comments with your answers!

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-19T12:57:00.000-05:00

What movie is this?

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

2012-01-19T12:01:00.000-05:00

... you can learn from:

Marnie (1964)

Bernice: Oh, Marnie. You shouldn't spend
all your money on me like you do.
Marnie: But that's what money's for: to spend.
Like the Bible says, "Money answereth all things."

Happy 82nd birthday, Tippi!

Fassy Ten Times

2012-01-19T11:44:00.002-05:00

Phew! I was nervous for a second that yesterday's nightmare premonition of a day without shirtless Fassy pictures would come true sooner than I'd feared, but no thankfully THR put up a whole slideshow of pictures from the same shoot where we found him and his nipples on their cover yesterday. We can breathe easy. For now! The whole emotional roller-coaster starts back up in 24 hours!

I Can't Liv If Livvin' Is Without Liv

2012-01-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

Alright so apparently today is a day for titling my posts after random ass songs. Why not? This news broke yesterday but I was too busy pressing my eyeballs against my computer screen where I'd entrapped a thousand images of her Strangers co-star Scott Speedman to mention this - Liv Tyler has taken the lead role in House of the Devil and Innkeepers director Ti West's new movie, currently called The Side Effect. We had mentioned this movie the other day since Ti had mentioned in an interview that it was what he was planning on doing next, but now we've got a little more info on it, plot-wise:

"Tyler will play Catherine Rigby, an outer space test subject for a pharmaceutical company that, after taking a new drug, mysteriously becomes pregnant and has to deal with the mounting fears of what has really transpired."

So Rosemary's Baby... In Space! Actually it doesn't really sound anything much like Rosemary's Baby at all, besides Rosemary being the go-to shorthand for "Pregnancy is freaking me the fuck out!" movies. But it sounds rife with possibility! And Ti does claustrophobia well, which is usually why anybody makes a movie in space, in order to contain someone in ever smaller spots. But this time there's a baby on board! Dun dun dun.
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Flame On... In A Minute

2012-01-19T11:13:00.002-05:00

Hey look it's Katniss and Peeta in their Hunger Games ceremonial super-dress (the super thanks to super stylist Cinna) right before hitting the stage where... well, you'll see.

I just hope Peeta's hair-gel isn't flammable. (via)

He Don't Eat Meat But He Sure Likes The Bone

2012-01-19T10:58:00.003-05:00

Ah crap now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day. Why do I do these things to myself??? Ahem. I have never read any of Jeff Smith's cult comic book Bone, but I am familiar with it existing. I have seen the little white blob character that may or may not be named Bone many times. Another single-word-titled thing I haven't personally experienced (in this case, seen) but am familiar with is the television program Greek. What do these two things have in common suddenly that's of import to me? The answer is Muriel's Wedding. That is, its director. Via THR:

"Patrick Sean Smith, who created the ABC Family show Greek, is jumping into features. Smith has been tapped to write Bone, Warner Bros.’ adaptation of the cult-favorite Jeff Smith comic book that now has P.J. Hogan attached to direct.

... The comic follows three cousins from the Bone family, small, bald and humanlike creatures with big noses. The trio are run out of their hometown and find themselves in a mysterious valley where they are separated and hunted by other creatures. They are taken in by a girl named Thorn and her grandmother, and they find out that the valley is threatened by an evil force called the Lord of the Locusts.

The comics were published from 1991 to 2004 but were rediscovered by a new generation when Scholastic began putting out trade paperbacks (aka the graphic novel format), selling million copies.

... Hogan will likely polish the script after Smith and the plan is for him to direct the movie in Australia, the home of both Hogan and Animal Logic. The company was the animation house behind Happy Feet 2 and Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole."

Hogan just made a movie starring Muriel herself Toni Collette called Mental, which I need to be watching like right this very minute, but it'll probably be out some time later this year, fingers crossed. It's not that strange a step for Hogan to be making an animated movie like this, since he did make the wonderful 2003 version of Peter Pan - he's dazzled with kiddie stuff before, that is.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

2012-01-19T10:29:00.001-05:00

Today I'd rather be...

... slippin' and a-slidin' with Chris Hemsworth. (via)

Good Morning, World

2012-01-19T10:04:00.001-05:00

It's the 32nd birthday of the actor Luke MacFarlane today, so we're going to celebrate that by doing what we do. I've never been able to watch more than ten minutes of Brothers and Sisters but I know who MacFarlane is because, well, look at him. Also he plays a gay on the show and is a gay in real life, so we gays tend to take note of such matters. Hey remember when he was all "buddy buddy" with Wentworth Miller? Mmhmm. Anyway after the jump there's the usual blitzkrieg o' beefcake, so hit it.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-18T17:41:00.009-05:00

Paper Magazine interviewed Matty Bomer on some stuff, and besides learning that he did some pole-centric research for Steven Soderbergh's male stripper movie Magic Mike - he says that the stripper group called "The Hollywood Men were super collaborative and welcoming," and I'm sure they all collaborated just super, aren't you? I hope they videotaped these "collaborations" - he also has this to say about the movie's best dancer:

"Channing's dancing in this movie is, I mean, it defies the laws of physics! It's insane. I can't wait for people to see it. They're just gonna freak out. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen."

Mmhmm. I'm sure it's seared right into your brain's most happy places, Matt. And soon it will be seared into all of us.

ETA Okay I missed this quote from him at Vulture:

"I have two routines: Dr. Love and Ken Doll...Yes, [my character's] name is Ken, and his Ken Doll is Plasticine, well put together, and it's a play on the fantasy. What if a little girl's Ken Doll came to life? Wasn't that your fantasy? I don't know if little girls fantasized about that, but we go there."

That just sounds weird. This next quote's better. Much less terrifying:

"We pretty much all got down to our thongs, although one of us, his thong got kind of ripped off. That's not going to make the film."

He is the gift that keeps on giving. (And receiving, no doubt.)
.

He Wants To Sex Us Up

2012-01-18T17:23:00.001-05:00

One of these days there's not gonna be a new picture of Michael Fassbender without his clothes on released, and that day is going to be just terrible. But that day is not today, my friends! (via; click to embiggen) And you should read the interview at that link - he jokes his father was "very proud" when he saw his son's nude scene in Shame. Ha! He should be.

From Haywire To Horror And Back Again

2012-01-18T16:50:00.002-05:00

There was a moment during Haywire where I found my mind wandering. Which is not in itself a bad thing - your mind is allowed to wander during a movie sometimes without that obliterating the film's worth. A great work of art (not that Haywire is a great work of art) can even encourage such a thing. Anyway my mind wandered and I found myself, and I'm not sure why, remembering a time recently where I was watching a horror movie (I can't even remember what one) and getting really frustrated with it. Every scare was telegraphed ten steps ahead - there was no excitement. It was simply plodding through the motions. No thought was put into mixing up the way anything was shot - you knew right where the scares were going to come from.

And then there was this one moment in that horror movie where I thought they were going to show me something I hadn't seen before - the protagonist was moving through an incredibly dark room from the right side of the frame to the left where there was a door, and because we've been trained so well by scary movies we know when they get to the left side where the door is that's when the scare will come. They will open the door and "Boo! Gotcha!" But the movement from right to left was really drawn out and I was bored with knowing what was coming so I stopped looking where I was trained to look and suddenly noticed that in the distance, past the character moving right to left in the foreground, there was all this darkness behind them. And it hit me that something totally needed to come straight at the camera out of that darkness. It wouldn't even have to be quick - the shot was moving so slowly that even a slow reveal of something in the background, in the direction we're not trained to be looking, would have made for a terrific scare. Our eyes and expectations were set up for one motion - the terror would come from that being upended.

Anyway the stupid horror movie didn't do it. But for some reason right there while watching Haywire I thought of that. And then Soderbergh did it! He literally did what I was hoping that horror movie would do about ten seconds after my mind had wandered to thinking about it. A character's moving from one side of the frame to the other when zoom something comes at us from background to foreground - Soderbergh draws it out too, so we see it coming, and coming - and it's a humdinger of a shot. Probably the one people will most remember after seeing the film. It even got a comment during the Q&A. This being an action film and not a horror film it's used differently - it's not meant to terrify but to ramp us up instead - but the wowza factor is all the same.

Maybe Soderbergh transmitted something subliminally to me with all the obvious fun he was having shooting the film - the camerawork is just beautiful here. Steady and classic and elegant, but as lively as can be. Or maybe I am just incredible. That's basically my point, I think - I thought up a cool thing, and then, as if by my decree, Steven Soderbergh did it for me. Thanks, Steven!

Back tot he word fun though - Haywire is a helluva lot of fun. Leading lady Gina Carano is a little bit stiff - this is her first time acting ever, so we'll cut her some slack - but Soderbergh knows how to work with that and make it work for the character. And he surrounds her with an army of talented sexy men, and then he lets her punch all of them in the head over and over and over again. What's not to like? The action is choreographed beautifully, and the camera lives with it, embraces it - it loves to watch these bodies in motion, and the love is infectious. And somebody is gonna be sketching really bitching pictures of Carano in cornrows and a wetsuit in their notebook 50 years from now.

And Then There Was Three

2012-01-18T15:51:00.001-05:00

The issue of W Magazine which that picture of Michael Fassbender sexing up a bed that we posted last night was from came into my office today and you wouldn't even believe how roadrunner quick I shot across the room to snatch it up and see the shot in all it's large-sized glory. It's a thing to behold, you guys. (Sigh. If only.) But now there are two more pictures! So here's the whole set. (Unless there's a fourth picture where he ditches the sheet, which please let there be a fourth picture where he ditches the sheet!)

(via the ever awesomely on it Simone) These second and third shots are not in the magazine, though. I guess they must be online things. See how I keep using the word thing? It stands for penis, you know. Thing means penis!

There's also a really hot shot of manly Frenchman Jean Dujardin in the magazine, so I need to look around and see if that's made it's way online... wait for it... oh yes there it is.

This Is One Misleading Poster

2012-01-18T15:27:00.000-05:00

And yet I kind of like it anyway. (via)

I wish the movie itself had more of this spunk.

Off The Deep End With Scott Speedman

2012-01-18T15:04:00.007-05:00

This blog seems to have become in some ways a diary of my failures. Time and again I find myself saying, "Hey, how the hell did I miss this incredible thing?" I am chasing my tail, and my tail is kicking my ass. Case in point: in November of 2010 I posted about the trailer for the movie Barney's Version, which technically stars Paul Giamatti but according to me only really exists to give Scott Speedman some work. I didn't hear much good about the film, so it vanished from my radar - well for the most part. I always knew I'd get around to it since, hello Scott Speedman.

But if I'd known this? If I'd known there was a scene where Scott Speedman stripped down to boxers and ran around in flippers and goggles like a crazy sexy beflippered lunatic? I would have made some time before this, lemme tell ya what.

So today's daily penance comes in the form of a massive post of pictures (plus gifs) from this scene. Since I'm not the only one who seems to have missed this - I couldn't find good caps of this anywhere else - I went all out, and after the jump you'll see 74 shots from the scene. It's like the sexiest bunch of Hail Marys ever. Hit it.

And here's a bonus shot, just because why yes I would like to
get stoned with you and your prominent crotch, Scott Speedman:

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-18T12:25:00.000-05:00

What movie is this?

Neil and David Four Times

2012-01-18T12:16:00.001-05:00

Awww to these pictures of Neil Patrick Harris and his husband

David Burtka in the new issue of Out magazine.

Timothy Is Topless

2012-01-18T11:51:00.002-05:00

I still haven't gotten around to watching Justified - I know, I know; there just aren't enough hours, man - but that hasn't kept me from searching Twitter the morning after the new season started to see if anybody's talking about Timothy Olyphant taking his shirt off. And according to Twitter, he did! So here's that. See 'em all after the jump. He's all wounded and bleeding which isn't especially sexy, but we take what we can where Timmy's concerned.

Tilda Bong Park Bell

2012-01-18T10:16:00.001-05:00

Well what we have here is a movie in the making of my dreams, y'all. Remember the other day when I told you guys about Snow Piercer, the movie teaming up Korean super-directors Bong Joon-ho and Park Chan-wook (Bong will direct while Park's producing)? You might not remember the details of it since it was about Chris Evans singing on to the film and it was therefore put in the context of a bunch of half-naked pictures of him. I can forgive you for not reading my words when that sort of thing happens. But this time! This time! You must read the words, dammit! Via DH:

"Tilda Swinton and Jamie Bell are in talks to join Chris Evans in the indie drama "Snow Piercer" at Moho Films reports Variety.

Set in a world covered in snow and ice, the story follows a train full of travelers who struggle to co-exist. Korean helmer Bong Joon-ho ("Mother," "The Host") makes his U.S. directorial on the film."

You guys. You guys! Guys. Oh, you guys.
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Good Morning, Gratuitous Tom Cullen

2012-01-18T10:00:00.001-05:00

I trust everyone has watched Weekend by now, correct? It's been available to watch instantly on Netflix for weeks, so you have no excuse not to have done so by now. No not even you people reading this in countries without Netflix, because you should have gotten on a plane and flown to a country where there is Netflix or the barbaric equivalent thereof for the express purpose of just watching this terrific movie, and if you haven't then shame. Shame!

Anyway I think we'll probably hear plenty more of Weekend's Tom Cullen, if he's smart about things. I hope so. I'd like to see some more of him. He's got the best "dick-in-butt face" in the movies, I tells ya! But for the time being... uh, let's see some more of him? Right here, right now. Hit the jump for a ton more pictures, including several shots of him and his fellow Weekend fella Chris New bein' friendly...

Are You Kidding Me???

2012-01-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

Is he fucking kidding me? He's just fucking with me now.

Oh how I wish that statement were literal! (via)

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

2012-01-17T15:07:00.001-05:00

... you can learn from:

Dumb and Dumber (1994)

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Lloyd: Mock.
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Ing.
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Bird.
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Yeah!
Harry: Yeah!

A happy 50th birthday to Jim Carrey!

Thanks to TFE for the heads-up.
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Elementary My Dear Wait What's That?

2012-01-17T14:18:00.002-05:00

Is it really possible that I'm only just now finding out that my beloved Tim aka Martin Freeman plays Watson on the BBC series Sherlock? That question is rhetorical since the answer is very much a yes, but it dumbfounds me. I guess I was always so blinded by the words "Benedict" and "Cumberbatch" in such close proximity to notice anything else going on. I had a friend recommend Sherlock recently - should I watch it? You people have any opinion on this or what?

Five Frames From ?

2012-01-17T13:14:00.000-05:00

What movie is this?

Hole In One

2012-01-17T12:38:00.000-05:00

I think the Michael Fassbender golf jokes

are gonna keep me entertained for a long time.

The Many (Minus One) Bodies Of Christian Bale

2012-01-17T12:04:00.002-05:00

How is it possible that somebody could bother to make an infographic of "the many bodies of Christian Bale" and completely leave off his American Psycho physique? I mean, really? Why even bother? The entire point of thinking about the many bodies of Christian Bale is to bring it all back to his body in American Psycho.

Yes he lost a terrifying amount of weight for The Machinist, yes he put on a bunch of muscle mass for Batman, and back and forth and back and forth until he fucked himself up and isn't as hot as he once was. We all know this. And why do we know this? Because we have American Psycho tell tell us how hot he once was! And yes okay this is really just an excuse to post pictures of Bale in American Psycho for the five thousandth time. You gonna complain? I thought not.

I Am Link

2012-01-17T11:22:00.001-05:00

--- Viva Jean & Vinnie - French ball of sex and sunshine Jean Dujardin is teaming up with French ball of sex and more sex Vincent Cassel to remake a 1972 comedy called One Wild Moment, which involves two best friends and their daughters and holiday hijinks. Please make out please make out please make out...

--- Rom Joss - Abagail Spencer, who was on Mad Men I guess, has been cast in a "supernatural romance" written by Joss Whedon. I don't think we have the title. Joss isn't directing, but he is producing. She calls it "the most romantic film of all time." Don't sell it short there, lady.

--- Ti One On - IndieWire talks to House of the Devil director and MNPP fave Ti West - have you all seen The Innkeepers yet? it's been on demand for ages now, you have no excuse not to! Unless you're waiting for it to play in theaters of course, which it will do next month - about what's next. He's got an anthology film that he directed a segment of called V/H/S that's playing at Sundance, and he's been actively working on getting together a science-fiction film called The Side Effects, which he hopes to film this year.

--- Hello Miss Valentin - A couple if invaluable pretty picture galleries of the Fassbinderian sort via Club Silencio that I missed until today - here's a bunch of caps from World on a Wire, and here's a bunch of caps from Lola. God those are beautiful movies. I've still only seen bits and pieces of Lola though, can you believe that? There are fewer and fewer RWF movies on my To Watch list every year, and that's one that remains.

--- Pale Wood - Nathaniel's gallery at The Film Experience of celebrities mingling during the commercial breaks of Sunday night's Golden Globes is great fun, and we should all take a moment to give praise to Evan Rachel Wood's paleness. I am so sick of looking at orange human beings.

--- And speaking of the GGs, Glenn's list of his favorite things from the night is amazing, and I second almost all of it. (I do not like this Sofia Vergara person, so that's a no.)

--- Hey Abe - I kept watching for a shot of Dominic Cooper but he's nowhere to be seen in this behind-the-scenes video from the set of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but you do get a lot of Benjamin Walker as the titular prez, and some Anthony Mackie to boot, so that's some something.

--- Nic of Time - If you never got around to seeing the brilliant 2009 horror film Pontypool, I noticed the other day it's on Netflix Instant, so go watch it please. It's fantastic. That movie's director is lining up his follow-up finally - unfortunately it looks like it will star Nicolas Cage. It's called Dark Highway and it's "about a man being chased who can't distinguish reality from imagination." Hopefully Nic can rein it in a tad. Sigh.

--- Sing Sweet Valley - Diablo Cody says that her Sweet Valley High movie is going to be a musical. A musical!

--- Slashers 101 - I am so excited about this - Final Girl's Stacie Ponder has made a mini-comic called Slashers 101, which you can order thru her site. This will be awesome. It's only 5 bucks! Pay 10 and she'll personalize your copy with a drawing of your choosing! Epic.

--- Roman Spring - I really need to write a review of Polanski's Carnage myself today, but hedging my bets against my own laziness is always a good bet so here's Joe Reid's take on the movie which isn't all that different from what I will eventually maybe say. Especially with regards to Winslet being best in show.

--- Fire Nigh - The writer of Slumdog Millionaire (meh) and 127 Hours (yes) Simon Beaufoy is now at work on the script for the second book in The Hunger Games series, Catching Fire, says The Wrap. They also says that Gary Ross is set to direct the second film. CF is only supposed to be one film, and it's Mockingjay the third one that they're splitting into two, is that right? I can't remember.

Good Morning, World

2012-01-17T09:56:00.001-05:00

Last one in's a rotten Benno!

A happy 40th birthday to the German actor Benno Fürmann today. Another one of our many German crushes, ever since he starred in Tom Tykwer's terrific The Princess and the Warrior, a movie that's in some serious need of rewatching. He also made a terrific bad guy, also against his Warrior co-star the terribly missed Franke Potente (where are you, Franke?), in Anatomy, and as long as I'm bringing Anatomy up...

... I did always have a fondness for that shot. Oh and if you're in need of knowing what the bathtub scene up top is from, it's some 1999 movie called Ne günstige Gelegenheit (roughly translates to No Good Opportunity, I think?), which I have not seen. The more you know...

67 Days...

2012-01-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

... until The Hunger Games is out, and there's a new picture! That's Elizabeth Banks as the ever-colorful Effie, Woody Harrelson as the boozed up Haymitch, and of course our stalwart leading lass Katniss played by Jennifer Lawrence. (via) JLaw kind of looks like Emily Blunt there, doesn't she? I mean, a sturdier Emily Blunt. She's also effortlessly transmitting a hatred of hair product with just her pursed lips, which is just about perfect. Bravo, Jenny!

Today's Mood

2012-01-16T16:52:00.001-05:00

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David McCall (Mark Wahlberg), Fear

"Listen to me. See, I'm hip to your problems. All of 'em.
I know you abandoned Nicole when she needed you most...
cuz I licked her sweet tears."

Oh my god I love Fear so much. Fear 4-eva!

A Hack For Hack/Slash?

2012-01-16T15:50:00.004-05:00

It's been a very long time since we've heard anything about the proposed movie version of the comic book series Hack/Slash. The series, created by Tim Seeley, tells the fictional (a-duh) story of final girl survivor Cassie Hack and how she turns the tables on the world's slasher killers - think Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers - by hunting them down and slaughtering them herself. It's basically Dexter starring a hyper sexualized tough girl. They've been yammering about making a movie of it for years and years - the series started in 2004, and is on-going. The last post I can find on it here is this one, wherein I link to an article about how Kat Dennings wanted to play Cassie, which I thought was a great idea. (And I still do, for the record, even if I can't bring myself to watch that sitcom she's on.)

Yadda yadda there's new news. The director Marcus Nispel has decided he would like to make the movie. We were just vilifying his remake of Friday the 13th a couple of days ago, what a coincidence! Besides that generally atrocious film, Nispel is known for the supposedly atrocious Conan the Barbarian movie with Jason Momoa that just flopped a few months ago (I still haven't seen it), and the actually not awful remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that came out in 2003. You know, the one with all this awesomeness in it:

But those aren't the only reasons the film isn't terrible (although they certainly help) - it's one of the spate of remakes in the 2000s that actually scared me. There was a brutality to it that worked. I'm not saying it's a modern masterpiece like Tobe Hooper's film, but as a horror movie on its own I liked the 2003 version well enough.

And it's because of that movie that I was alright with Nispel making a Friday the 13th movie, but that did not work out at all. The problem there was nobody making the movie seemed to have any interest in actually making it a Friday the 13th film - Nispel copied all his tricks from TCM, and they didn't translate. Critics love to lump them all together, but Jason and Leatherface are actually very different creatures.

I digress. I think Cassie Hack's world is pliable enough that Nispel might be able to do what he wants with it, without getting hung up on the dreariness that's seemed to smother him with Jason Voorhees and apparently Conan too. (Sidenote: Dear lord look at that picture of Jason Momoa I just found.)

From what I've read of Hack/Slash - just the first omnibus - the tone is all over the place, depending on what sort of killer she's duking it out with. I love the idea of several mini-slashers all in one story anyway, and I hope the movie's made eventually.With or without Nispel. Although if he does end up making it hopefully he will stay away from his TCM star Jessica Biel for the role. No thank you, Marcus! I have had enough of her for a lifetime. If you need to work with somebody you've worked with, I bet Rose McGowan can still kick some ass.
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