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David O. Russell's seventh film (eighth if you count the unfinished Nailed) American Hustle is finally out in select theaters tomorrow! I saw it earlier this week and I will be sharing some thoughts on it tomorrow, but to tide you all over until then (I know you're just desperate, desperate, to hear my opinion, after all) let's play the Do Dump or Marry game with its three main menfolk. I do of course mean Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Renner, and Christian Bale as they appear in real life - I won't make you choose between comb-overs and purple pompadours and mini-curls; I'm not that cruel. So which fella would you spend a night in the Studio 54 bathroom with, which fella would you send to jail on corruption charges, and which fella would you allow to long con your heart? Tell me in the comments!
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18 comments:
I guess I'd have to marry Jeremy cuz I suspect Christian would drive me crazypants. I'd definitely do him, though. Dump Cooper. I'd rather just do all three, though and never speak of it.
Do Batman, Marry and do many times again and again and again Cooper and together with Bale and Cooper kill the ugliest person and maybe talentless actor in hollywood without even doing him... :P
Sal
Dump Bale and do Renner. Bale just seems like he'd be a little bit to aggro for my taste and Renner's mildly homophobic bitchfits whenever people inquire about his sexuality are a huge turnoff. Basically, Renner's too "broke" to stay with, but not too broke to play with. Too broke to get stuck with, not too broke to...you get my point.
That leaves me to marry Bradley Cooper. He's gorgeous. He speaks fluent French. Unlike Renner or Bale, he does seem to have a sense of humor, both about himself and in general. I like his acting choices of late, which is more than I can say about Renner (we'll see about Hustle). And lastly (most importantly?) it would give me the chance to recreate a certain scene from Wet Hot American Summer that has been plaguing me since I was a freshman in high school.
It sounds like I'm picking Bradley by default, but I can't think of a lot of threesomes where I'd dump him. And...am I crazy, or is it de rigueur (especially among the gays) to not be into Bradley Cooper? What cardinal sin did he commit?
Well... I'd dump Jeremy, because why would anyone want to marry him let alone do him...
I'd marry either bale or cooper, but if I had to choose, it would be Bradley, then I'd do Christian.
yeah. that sounds right, and good.
-j
Eh. I mean, I guess I'll DO Cooper and Marry Renner ...
Can I have 3 more options?
Do Amy Adams
Dump Jennifer Lawrence
Marry Cat Lady
Do Amy
Marry JLaw
Dump Cat Lady because I haven't seen it yet, and I'm not a gambler.
Do Jeremy Renner
Dump Christian Bale
Marry Bradley Cooper
What joel said for sure. That way I can have Brad whenever I want.
Easy:
Dump Bale-normally I am all about crazy and damages men, but the weight swings are not for me at all
Renner: Hot piece, but super annoying. Perfect for hit it and quit it.
Cooper: Marry and have him speak French to me.
DO bradley cooper
DUMP horrible batman
MARRY jeremy r.
NONE
All three of them aren't that sexy to me when they're looking their best. Jeremy Renner has a nice ass and Christian has nice pecs but they all look H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E in this movie.
I know it's that whole 70s hustler look but anyway -__-
Do: Jeremy, but only if he wore that Hurt Locker helmet.
Dump: Christian, because I am afraid he will yell at me in his Batman voice if I ever forgot to do something.
Marry: Cooper, because just because.
Marry Bradley.
Do Jeremy.
Dump Christian.
I mean, Christian has a bad temper, is constantly fluctuating on his diet, and probably doesn't want to do American Psycho monologues for me.
I've a feeling I'll be in the minority on this - particularly given that I am a self-proclaimed fur bigot... Do Bradley, dump Christian (possibly after doing him thoroughly), and marry Jeremy.
No contest. Renner is the keeper. Cooper too perty for my taste and Bale is creepy.
DO: Christian
DUMP: Jeremy
Marry: Bradley
Definitely marry Cooper. Definitiely marry Cooper. Definitely, definitely
I like Renner. Bale is hotter but waaaaaaaayyyyyy too crazy. I'd probably do either one and dump the other. Or Do then Dump them both.
As long as I came home to Cooper, I'd be OK.
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