Oh. My. God.
You are hysterical...and God help me it's true.
Hate to say it, but I totally agree.
If you hadn't said anything, I would have believed (and kinda still do) that it's Jeremy Renner.
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"Ladies and gentlemen, this just in, an unsightly overweight anonymous homosexual internet troll just called People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive...ugly. Alert the media!
lol you fucking sad loser."