Boo.

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What Do You S'pose...

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... Jake should go as for Halloween?

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The Moment I Fell For... Freddy Krueger

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I Don't Need To Watch This...

... in order to know that I am going to want to watch this. What? Exactly. Here's a chat between two of my favorite people, Joel McHale and Diablo Cody. Whee!

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I would have their babies. Like, both of their babies at the same time. Simultaneous babies. Just fill me up with so many babies! What? Exactly.

You know, does the Young Adult trailer make anybody else laugh harder and harder each time you see it? I've seen it like ten times and I laugh harder and harder each time I see it. When Charlize makes the grossed-out face at the ugly baby?

Fuhgeddaboudit. Speaking of Charlize, you should go read the new piece on her in the New York Times. Look how pretty she is!

She is so pretty! I love her so much!

She can put her babies inside of me too.

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If Only He Were The Star

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First things first - every time I read the title of the movie In Time I get Hall & Oates' "Out of Touch" stuck in my head. Good luck getting that song out of your head now.

That out of the way, after that the next thing I think of when I think of In Time is how much I'd want to see it if only it starred Matthew Bomer. Casting fail! Oh well. It apparently sucks anyway. But would it have sucked if Matty had been the star instead of Justin Timberlake? It's a case of the chicken or the egg, where the chicken is a dancing hillbilly ham and the egg is a semi-closeted TV pretty-boy. I don't think that logic quite adds up there but that's never stopped me before. Oh ho, no.

So In Time is out today, as are several other movies, all of them looking less and less appealing to me than the one before. Puss In Boots? More like Poop In Poop am I right or am I right? Sigh. It's been a long week. Also you get bonus points if you read that sentence in Kaitlin Olsen's manic Dee Reynolds' voice because that's what it sounded like in my head.

Point being, movies! Out today, it being a Friday. And I wrote up my thoughts on them at Celebrity Beehive. Hear what similarly strange ramblings I have for Roland Emmerich's Anonymous and Johnny Depp's The Rum Diary, amongst others! Here's a hint: they can all go fuck themselves, the end!

Half a frame away from a hand-job...

Armie Hammer Six Times

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All thirteen and a half feet of Armie Hammer remain

the most compelling argument for me to see J. Edgar.

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I Am Link

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--- Shit Kicker - I knew Melissa McCarthy was a gay icon in the making the moment she giggled her way through her scene with Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr in Go (not to mention when she played Ryan Reynolds' hag in The Nines) and now that she's posed as Divine for a photo-shoot it's all coming together.

--- Channing's Pride - Steven Soderbergh's Male Stripper Movie, Hung Low Sweet Cherry Pop, is getting released in Gay Pride Month 2012. That sounds about right, no?

--- The Scream Scene - In lieu of candy corn Twitch is handing out horror movie suggestions for this weekend, and it's an obscure bunch of goodness. I would've loved to do something similar but time's gotten away from me; I spend every day telling y'all what to watch, so you know what I think!

--- NecronomiCAN! - BD has managed to eke out some details about the plot of The Evil Dead reboot that Diablo Cody had a hand in writing, so head over there if you want the gist. I'll refrain from spoiling it if you want to stay fresh. However we all know the "plot" of The Evil Dead really is just "Demons, demons, demons!"

--- Get Juiced - The Beetlejuice sequel that is apparently not a figment of our collective imagainations will all the same definitely remain only a figment of our collective imaginations if Michael Keaton does not want to play the ghost with the most again, says the producer. They haven't gotten Keaton to sign on yet though because they don't have anything for him to sign on to yet. Golly that's a lot of non-news.

--- Rock Hard - MNPP pal Jarett got to chat with MNPP crush Alessandro Nivola for his new film out this weekend, Janie Jones, in which he plays a washed-up rock star, so go check that out. I would like him to revisit your character in Laurel Canyon too! Specifically his wardrobe in the pool scene.



I have beheld that picture a thousand thousand times in my life and I will never ever in a thousand times a thousand more grow sick of it.

--- Ward Off - Final Girl took a look at John Carpenter's The Ward, which reminded me I never wrote a review of it myself... probably because it's just too depressingly bad to draw attention to, like Stacie says.

--- Bird Flew - Have you been keeping up with Arbo's 31 Screams project? The past week have given us great posts on The Birds and the first Friday the 13th movie, amongst other awesomeness.

--- And speaking of The Birds, Amir tackled the special effects of Hitch's avian nightmare over at The Film Experience today.

--- Dino Might - This is one of those "I haven't read this yet myself but I am bookmarking it to read in a bit" things - io9's got a piece up talking about the enduring cultural cache of the Jurassic Park series, specifically the first film. Besides the movie having just come out on BluRay I've been thinking about the movies a lot these past couple of weeks because of two commingling factors on TV - Laura Dern in Enlightened and Terra Nova. 

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The Midnight Hour Is Close At Hand

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Grizzly ghouls from every tomb

are closing in to seal your doom.

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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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And Thus It Begins, Ends That Is

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After what's felt like a week-long cavalcade of Henry Cavill's bared beefcakery, we now see him wandering the Man of Steel set plus one garment, a wife-beater, and I fear it will only head in the more and more dressed direction with time. We knew it couldn't last forever! Or at least we figured that out after we looked up how difficult it really is to kidnap and sexually enslave someone. So much effort! I'm too lazy for that shit. In summation - Henry, make out with your director now, please.

This Is Not A Review Of Kill List

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Every so often I like to find something I haven't blogged about for a thousand weeks, dissecting every ounce of information for, and dive right in completely unspoiled. It's a treat! And it doesn't happen very often. Somehow I managed the feat with the new British hybrid-horror film Kill List - all I knew of it beforehand was the title, and the fact that it was the opening night movie at Lincoln Center's Halloween series called "Scary Movies" this year. I hadn't seen a poster, I hadn't seen a trailer, I hadn't read even a synopsis. I had no idea who was even in it! But since I'm going to be out of town for the rest of the weekend I figured I had to see what I could before leaving - which includes Ti West's The Innkeepers tonight! - so I went ahead and blindly snatched up a ticket to Kill List for last night.

This all might seem like a lot of meandering introduction going nowhere (course, you might just be used to meandering introductions going nowhere from me), but the thing is, I can't review this movie now. Because knowing absolutely nothing about the movie going in was so entirely the perfectly right way to see the movie I can't allow myself to be the one who spoils anything for you. If you want to seek out information, that's on you! The film's not out properly here in the US until February, so there's a lot of time to get spoiled between now and then. Posters and images will show up and they'll inevitably ruin some of the more iconic imagery the film surprised me with and that will be sad. Indeed I googled around and since the film's already out in the UK they are out there already. Don't look! I picked the ones here because they're the most generic ones I could find. Spoiler alert: There are people in the movie!

I will say, as I tweeted last night, that the film genuinely unsettled me - it isn't really a spoiler to say that there's an unraveling of reality that slowly upends the film as it slides into nightmare that really got under my skin. It's not a perfect film - I have a real issue with the way it telegraphs its final intentions just a beat too soon. But we can't talk about that now! The fact that I've still got some goosebumps even this morning talking about the movie here should be all you need to know.

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Good Morning, World

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Why was Alex O'Loughlin touching himself on Hawaii Five-O?
He was remembering Scott Caan in Varsity Blues, right?

Awkward...

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Vinnie Bones

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I just lost half an hour staring at this tumblr.

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Hello Haymitch, Hello Cinna

They've released eight character posters for The Hunger Games movie and while they're boring visually they do give us the first glimpse of a bunch of people in character that we've not seen yet. Here's Woody Harrelson as Haymitch and Lenny Kravitz as Cinna:

You can see the main trio of Katniss, Peeta and Gale, plus Cato and Rue and Effie over at DH. If they're giving us Cato why is there no Isabelle Fuhrman as Clove?!? She's who I'm dying to see!

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Which Is Hotter?

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A Crawler from The Descent, or The Master from Buffy?

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poll by twiigs.com

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Miles Fisher Six Times

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We really need to make sure Miles Fisher keeps getting work.

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Martha Marcy May Marlene in 350 Words or Less

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Where the hell did writer/director Sean Durkin come from and how did he manage to make a movie this phenomenal right outta the gate? I feel terrible for him, because good god he's got a whole career in front of him and he's got to live up to this potential! Seriously though, Martha Marcy May Marlene is a miracle of screenwriting and direction and above all glorious restraint. I could go on and on about the precise little steps the story takes in doling out, and not doling out, information, or the way the lovely camerawork always seems to be sinking forward as if we're being sucked into an abyss, or the way the background's focus is always fuzzy but not really in a dreamy way, more like a concussion, more like the world beyond the immediate senses is closed off and unreachable, or the way it clicks together piece after piece until the puzzle we're staring at in the very end is simultaneously incompressible and horribly fathomable, to but I don't want to spoil anything for anybody where this wonderful movie's concerned. See this movie.

A couple of notes on the performances - Elizabeth Olsen's great and deserves all the kudos she's gotten. I'll be curious to see what other kinds of performances she's got in her because this one felt so natural I do wonder how much of this girl is her (hopefully not the crazy part), but she's got a great face that reads really well in close-up. As for John Hawkes, about halfway through the film I thought to myself how lucky we are that we live in a time where John Hawkes gets to act and we get to watch him act. I find him completely and totally mesmerizing on-screen. And a very special shout-out to Maria Dizzia who plays Katie, because I worry her work as one of the elder ladies on the farm will never get the recognition is deserves - I believed every single second of her performance. Which means, uh, no offense, but I really hope I never meet you, lady.

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Alex and Andy

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Okay indulge me a moment but I fell down a bit of a rabbit hole just now. I kept forgetting to post that I had a good celebrity sighting on Monday - I saw Alex Pettyfer in the afternoon when I went to my doctor. I was on a lot of painkillers for my back so you'll forgive me having forgotten. He stood right in front of me for a full thirty seconds as we waited for a light to change. He was shorter than I expected and I think he looks better in pictures than he really did in person but his accent is indeed to die for.

He was with an also-attractive gentleman, and they were talking about a recent screening of Roland Emmerich's Anonymous that they went to. I wasn't planning on really mentioning this other dude when I got around to talking about this but when I went looking for a recent picture of Pettyfer to attach to this post I found the above shot, which is actually of both of them at that Anonymous screening. JJ, where the picture's from, says the other guy is "producer Andrew Levitas," so I looked him up and first off, damn.

So far he's really been more of an actor than a producer though (although his Wikipedia page says he is "an American painter, sculptor, filmmaker, writer, producer, photographer and actor... [with] a hugely successful acting career spanning across both television and film platforms"... Mmmhmm. Somebody had fun writing that.) He's been in a couple gay-friendly horror things - he was in Psycho Beach Party and Hellbent.

And if you consider Party of Five gay horror (and why wouldn't you?) then that makes three. Anyway my point is these two appear to be friends, so feel free to imagine them making out, the end.
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?

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Pics of the Day

This was literally the first story I saw after finishing today's Way Not To Die post on A Nightmare Before Christmas, so I'm gonna choose to take the serendipity as a good sign - EW has an early look at Tim Burton's Frankenweenie, his new stop-motion-animated 3D black-and-white full-length version of the short he made way back in 1984, including a couple of pictures.

Yup, those look like something Tim Burton made.

Frankenweenie's out next October.

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Halloween's Ways Not To Die

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The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Is it really possible that The Nightmare Before Christmas is almost twenty years old?!? Good grief. Why aren't I using a walker, sucking on peppermint candies and drowning in Ben-Gay right now? I have defeated the odds!

I just noticed that with last week's Ode To Large Marge this makes two straight weeks worth of Ways Not To Die from Tim Burton films. (Okay okay so NBC is really a Henry Selick film, but I think we can agree it's entirely saturated with Burtonliciousness.) This wasn't planned, but man it depresses me. He was such an integral part of my childhood, so very important in forming the weirdo I like to think of myself today, and right now it's gotten to the point where his name is nearly enough to make me want to stay away from a movie. (Johnny Depp even moreso, but since they're inseparable now whatcha gonna do?)

That is entirely enough bitching about that. 

This is Halloween, Halloween! Halloween! 

The greatest time of the year. And we must celebrate. Or else.

What are you guys' plans for the holiday? What will you be dressing as, if you're indeed awesome and getting dressed up. I mean even if you're not going anywhere you have NO EXCUSE not to get dressed up. Slathering on some zombie make-up and sitting on the couch and watching every single Friday the 13th movie in a row sounds like the greatest thing a person could do, to me.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers -- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage -- Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy -- Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad -- Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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