Orville & Alan Got Married...

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... and we'd like to wish the happy couple
a very fine honeymoon... IN HELL!!!

Everybody have a great weekend and a wonderful holiday,
filled with ghoulish gratuities, and I'll see you next week.
Don't forget to vote on the Queer Creeps! They are watching you...
and they're probably masturbating at the same time.
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The Great Queer Creep Off!

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All week's been leading to this, my friends.
It's the Great Queer Creep Off!

The polls for each individual battle are still open and most of them will be for a few more days. Here they all are:

Jafar in Aladdin vs Scar in The Lion King
Dr. Pretorius in BoF or Countess Zaleska in Dracula's Daughter
Eli in Let the Right One In vs Angela in Sleepaway Camp
Tom Berenger in Mr. Goodbar vs Al Pacino in Cruising
Jame Gumb in SotL vs Dr. Elliott in Dressed To Kill
Catherine in Basic Instinct vs Marie in Haute Tension
Mrs Danvers in Rebecca vs Bruno in Strangers on a Train
Henry vs Otis in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Phillip vs Brandon in Rope
Sarah vs Miriam in The Hunger
Pauline vs Juliet in Heavenly Creatures
Billy versus Stu in Scream

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But I've taken the winner from each as of this moment - most of these are pretty decisive already anyway - and grabbed them by their wig and/or mullet and/or mane and tossed them into the ring. A battle unto the death! The most fabulous death of all - one with a crown! Or a tiara, I think some of these folks would prefer a tiara. Covered in blood, naturally. You can vote on this all through next week - and you can vote for as many as you want at once, cuz why not - and I'll announce next Friday who's the Queerest Creepiest one of all. Get to it! And Happy Halloween, fellow creeps!
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poll by twiigs.com

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Quote of the Day

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Did y'all read that press release that the studio released the other day sharing the news that James Cameron would be delivering unto us a second and third Avatar movie? Here's what I said about it in my weekly column at Celebrity Beehive (that's right, I'm giving myself Quote of the Day honors, suck it!):

"... James Cameron’s planning on shooting the second and third Avatar movies next, he says. I suggest you seek out the press release they issued – it’s so over the top messianic that I almost felt my palms split open into cinematically afflicted stigmata. Praise JC is arisen!

I crack myself up, with words. Seriously though that shit is so fucking over the top. He saved the world and put a smile on every baby's face, even the ones still in the womb by commandeering one of his underwater vessels that costs billions of dollars apiece and navigating it up every pregnant woman's lady-bits until every single fetus smiled and sang Hallelujah that they were being into such a wondrous world, amen, is basically what it argues. Executives are still on their knees in Los Angeles begging for the opportunity to get to be the one to lick up his holiest of holy spooge. I mean I liked Avatar, but this shit's ridiculous.

Anyway go read the rest of my piece on this weekend's movies over at CB, I get to punch the Saw movies in the face one more (last?) time. That's the one good thing about the never-ending cycle of crap coming from Jigsaw & Co. - it's nice to have a reliable punching-bag to let off some stress on, sometimes. Hey, I never looked at it that way before. Thanks, Saw!

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The Clinic in 150 Words or Less

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You can hear the pitch - It's Rosemary's Baby meets Hostel! With Inside and Martyrs sprinkled on top for modern flava! It wears these influences loudly upon the sleeves of its gored maternity dress, but the idea at The Clinic's core does get more intriguing as more is revealed, I will give it that.

If only the script had been gone over a couple more times to work out some of the kinks. As is there are a couple lapses in character judgment so irrevocably dumb that you they jerk you right out of the film. People behave in ways that only make sense to keep the plot moving far too often. But there is real tension in fits and starts to be had, and it's not afraid to forge its own curious path here and there, enough to keep you guessing now and then. Good, but coulda been great.

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I Am Link

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--- News of the Day - Dude! This story is kicking my ass. Via THR:

"Joe Dante, Xavier Gens Join Horror Omnibus 'Paris I'll Kill You'

Genre masters Joe Dante (Gremlins), Paco Plaza ([REC]) Vincenzo Natali (Splice), Xavier Gens (Hitman) and Ryuhei Kitamura (The Midnight Meat Train) have signed up to direct segments of new horror omnibus feature Paris I'll Kill You, which Instinctive Film and Reverence are producing.

Brit director Christopher Smith (Creep), French duo Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo (A L'Interieur) and German music video director Joern Heitmann will also helm segments of Paris IKU, described as a look at the seedy underbelly of the city of love."

First off, that title. Blam, awesome. Secondly, that list of directors? Double blam, in the face, fully loaded. Still, if somebody isn't stabbed to death with an Eiffel Tower figurine I'm screaming, "Opportunity missed!"

--- Three Sides - Speaking of Christopher Smith, I apparently never got around to reviewing his terrific movie Triangle myself when I saw it ages ago but I agree with everything Glenn says about it in his loving review at Stale Popcorn. As an aside for New Yorkers: Triangle's playing a couple times this weekend at that horror film fest I told y'all about last week, so you can see it on a big screen if you want to. It's worth seeking out whatever way you can get your hands on it, for sure. It's clever.

--- Lady Caves - Michael C.'s piece at The Film Experience on the production design for Neil Marshall's already-a-classic-horror-film The Descent was mind-opening on a couple of levels, not the leats of which it points out that there's not a single real cave in the film, they're all sets, and somehow I never even thought about that. That's some magnificent movie magic, y'all.

--- Dahl Spooks Etc. - After reading that you should head over to Michael C.'s own site Serious Film where he wrote up some more thoughts on that film and four other movies with overlooked scenes of horror for this weekend's impending holiday. I really do need to give The Host another try at some point, I realize this, but I still consider it sloppy and underwhelming. Anyway The Witches yay!

--- Snow Bitch - Beautiful and uber-talented and MNPP fave Charlize Theron was gonna play the lead in The Tourist until Angelina Jolie snatched it up. Now Charlize Theron in maybe gonna play Snow White in that movie with Tom Hardy as The Huntsman aka The Sexy Beefy Heart-lipped Hunstman With A Hot Accent. Charlize and Tom were set to star in Mad Max 4 but that's been delayed a year so they might spend the time fighting witches. Hey Angelina should play the Evil Queen!

--- Salander in Space - Noomi Rapace is seriously for real the front-runner for Ridley Scott's Alien prequel, you guys. They're not just making this up!

--- The Back Way - Slash has the poster for Peter Weir's The Way Back but it stinks so don't bother clicking over. Don't do it, I said! Damn you.

--- Fraida No Ghosts - The dude who made the remake of Wes Craven's Last House on the Left better than it had any right to be is making a movie called The Demonologists next, about ghost hunters that get in over their heads with demons. Basically the story of every ghost movie ever made. But he's a decent dirctor, so we'll see.

--- Reason #5,025 - Why Betty White is awesome:

“I don’t care who anybody sleeps with. If a couple has been together all that time - and there are gay relationships that are more solid than some heterosexual ones - I think it’s fine if they want to get married. I don’t know how people can get so anti-something. Mind your own business, take care of your affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.”

--- Ring Fog Rosemary - I can't believe SHOCKTOBER! is so close to the end, but Stacie's gotten the list down to 21 by now and perhaps it'll make it even further later today! Reading through the choices at this point is like a fist the size of a large fist filled with lots of awesome punching you in the face until you're blind. It's just like that. Times a billion!
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Happy 30, Ben Foster

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Ben Foster's character in 3:10 to Yuma, the flamboyant outlaw Charlie Prince, could've probably wrangled himself a spot in the Queer Creeps battle currently raging here at MNPP - when I wrote up a quick post ages ago defending the gay villain it was in honor of that character, after all. I hadn't seen the film yet when I wrote that, and when I did see the movie I had some other thoughts about how even more interesting a creation Charlie Prince was than he could've been.

And loads of that is surely due to Foster, who's quickly solidified himself as one of my favorite working actors. I missed his performance in The Messenger until awhile after I grace my 2009 prizes away but I've no doubt his work in that film sits at the top of the heap now that I have seen it. Just a beautifully gauged performance, and he deserved the recognition for that film more than either of his co-stars (and y'all know what a freak I am for Samantha Morton so that's saying a lot coming from me). Point being, I'm looking forward to what he's still got to give, and a happy birthday to him today.

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Good Morning, World

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The ultimate breakfast scene.
(Well besides this one, of course).
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Which Is Hotter?

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Jafar in Aladdin or Scar in The Lion King?
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poll by twiigs.com

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Previously:
Dr. Pretorius in BoF or Countess Zaleska in Dracula's Daughter
Eli in Let the Right One In vs Angela in Sleepaway Camp
Tom Berenger in Mr. Goodbar vs Al Pacino in Cruising
Jame Gumb in SotL vs Dr. Elliott in Dressed To Kill
Catherine in Basic Instinct vs Marie in Haute Tension
Mrs Danvers in Rebecca vs Bruno in Strangers on a Train
Henry vs Otis in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Phillip vs Brandon in Rope
Sarah vs Miriam in The Hunger
Pauline vs Juliet in Heavenly Creatures
Billy versus Stu in Scream
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Pic of the Day II

You'll know all this if you read the comments in the post I did earlier on the cover of this week's Entertainment Weekly with our first glance at Chris Evans in his Captain America costume, but inside the magazine there's a shot of Chris out of his Captain America costume and that's what really matters. Duh. Here it is, via (with huge thanks to Joe for finding that link):

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There are a couple more new shots from the movie at that link, but this is what we want so screw the rest. Screw it! Good grief, Chris Evans. Good grief. (Although I should insert some bitching here about his having shaved his chest, so consider this that.)
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You Are Receiving This Broadcast As A Dream

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Last night I decided to finally get around to watching John Carpenter's 1987 film Prince of Darkness. I'd been hearing its name mentioned in a few different places over the past couple of weeks for completely random reasons and knew that meant the forces were gathering, the fates were all falling into place, it was time.

The movie itself has a lot of creepy Fulci-esque bits and some gorgeous imagery - stay tuned for a hint of that below - but I spent a lot of time groaning at foolery.

"Caca."

Some of the dialogue is abysmal and awkward - there's a lot of ridiculous exposition and some of the actors have no idea how to deliver it. But then the last ten minutes totally rock and send you out on a high note so it's definitely gonna be the type of movie that I think back on and go "Ooh, that part was awesome!" and "Ooh, that other part was rad!" and forget the poorly-acted terribly-written interludes between awesomenesses. So this is my note to myself: don't forget the wealth of lame! Also all the peeing in people's mouths.


What's up with that? Anyway that's neither here nor here. What's here is the fact that the film's nominally lead - it's more of an ensemble piece if by ensemble I mean it doesn't make time to create individuals much, and I do - actress, the one that has to rub herself up on Simon & Simon's Mustache From Hell, died on Monday.


Her name was Lisa Blount, and my boyfriend spent the first ten minutes or so of the movie going nuts trying to figure out what he knew her from, and then realized it was from her role as Debra Winger's best friend in An Officer and a Gentleman. So point being, Lisa Blount's ghost has obviously been haunting me for days now, convincing me to watch her in this movie. And now I have and now I'm probably impregnated with devil seed. Great. That again. (In all seriousness though, my thoughts go out to her family. This is just a weird coincidence, is all.)

But back to the movie. Like I said, lotsa eye-rolling, but some very lovely, eerie imagery too.


Oh and I suppose I should offer up these pictures too, although I found Simon & Simon's mustache way too distracting to really appreciate the beefcake he was offering, to be honest.

Yes, your mustache really is that bad. Be ashamed.
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If You're In L.A. Tomorrow Night...

... I can't imagine a better way to spend your time - well okay I can think up a couple but let's keep this non-pornographic - than going to see Cinefamily’s 100 Most Outrageous Kills at the Silent Movie Theatre. (via) It's a celebration of cinematic death, which I think I've proven myself to be a lover of for a lil' while here. And it's a double-feature with Final Destination 2 aka the greatest movie ever made! How friggin' cool is that? Anyway here's the splatteriffic trailer (not safe for the squeamish):

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Which Is Hotter?

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Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) in Bride of Frankenstein, or
Countess Marya Zaleska (Gloria Holden) in Dracula's Daughter?

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poll by twiigs.com

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Previously:
Eli in Let the Right One In vs Angela in Sleepaway Camp
Tom Berenger in Mr. Goodbar vs Al Pacino in Cruising
Jame Gumb in SotL vs Dr. Elliott in Dressed To Kill?
Catherine in Basic Instinct vs Marie in Haute Tension
Mrs Danvers in Rebecca vs Bruno in Strangers on a Train
Henry vs Otis in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Phillip vs Brandon in Rope
Sarah vs Miriam in The Hunger
Pauline vs Juliet in Heavenly Creatures
Billy versus Stu in Scream
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Pic of the Day

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That's our first glimpse of Cappy via Chrissy on the cover of the new EW. It's Chris Evans so of course I wanna jump on top of him but it's no Human Torch costume. Good grief, that Human Torch costume. Perfectly - and I mean perfectly - obscene.
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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I Am Link

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--- John For Jonah - John Slattery might play J. Jonah Jameson in the Spider-Man reboot. This is really just an excuse for me to post that picture of Slattery. And imagine him yelling at Andrew Garfield a lot. In that outfit? In that outfit. This is how fetishes are born.

--- Whine and Ye Shall Receive - Yesterday I complained about disliking the list of My Favorite Horror Movies that I submitted to Final Girl for Stacie's SHOCKTOBER! mega-list, and from that seed was birthed a new list of Ponder's own making. Stacie felt similarly to the way I did so she gave us her Heart List, with seventeen titles that she wished she'd included the first time around, and good golly it's the sort of thing you just wanna curl up with in front of a roaring fire on a bearskin rug and make slow sweet champagne-soaked love to. And there's a full ten of these I haven't seen yet so I've got fun times ahead.

--- The Boos To Be - I finally figured out what I'm going as for Halloween - I imagine I'll post a pic to Facebook when the time arrives, so everybody hold your breath til then! - but io9 has offered up a list of 20 super-quick ideas if you're having trouble thinking up something. Even though I hated the movie if I see any trio of souls brave enough to don a Human Centipede costume I will bow down.

--- Guano Man - Nat's The Dark Knight Rises starter review kit at The Film Experience is a thing of genius. One hundred indeeds!

--- Super June - JJ Abrams' mysterious thingamajig Super 8 will be out in June. The 11th, to be exact.

--- And finally, here's Uncle Georgie Romero talking about flower pots. Oh wait what, he's talking about zombies? Okay, zombies. Why would he do a thing like that? Weird!
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Which Is Hotter?

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Eli in Let the Right One In, or
Angela in Sleepaway Camp?

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poll by twiigs.com

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Previously:
Tom Berenger in Mr. Goodbar vs Al Pacino in Cruising
Jame Gumb in SotL vs Dr. Elliott in Dressed To Kill?
Catherine in Basic Instinct vs Marie in Haute Tension
Mrs Danvers in Rebecca vs Bruno in Strangers on a Train
Henry vs Otis in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Phillip vs Brandon in Rope
Sarah vs Miriam in The Hunger
Pauline vs Juliet in Heavenly Creatures
Billy versus Stu in Scream
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Halloween's Ways Not To Die

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Halloween (1978)

I have never featured a single death from any Halloween film in the Ways Not To Die series before this. Can you believe that? Michael Myers scares me more than any killer ever put on film - seriously, even in the progressively cruddier sequels I gasp whenever they show that blank slate face of his lurking in the shadows - and he's been seriously, criminally underrepresented here. The shame.

So earlier this week I was scanning across BD's list of their ten favorite deaths in the franchise and this realization struck me and I knew that it was of utmost imperative that I feature one from the series this week for the holiday it was named after. But which one, I asked myself. And so my self looked me dead center in the eyes and said with eerie calm...

"See anything you like?"

My self is a total creep, by the way. Totally!

In all seriousness - this is a very serious topic! - there was a terrific special on Halloween that aired on the Biography channel earlier this week that I got totally - totally! - caught up in even though I've seen and heard all the behind-the-scenes stories before. Anyone else catch it? I love the way that John Carpenter's version of getting PJ Soles to show her boobs is totally - totally! Okay I'll stop that now - different from hos she tells it. He says it was right there in the script; she says that he came up to her on the day they were shooting and asked her to do it. Either way, classic.

PJ also shared that she was cracking up the whole time Nick Castle (the man behind the Michael Myers mask) was strangling her because he refused to tighten the cord in any realistic fashion, and you can see her fighting off laughter in some of these frames. And she also sort of seems to be pulling the cord tighter herself up behind her head in a couple of the shots! A girl's gotta do all the work! Show her boobs, strangle herself. What a pro.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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