Tell Me About Your Nightmare

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I'm probably not seeing the new Nightmare on Elm Street myself until sometime on Sunday but, now that's it's in theaters and any ol' maniac off the street can wander in and see it for themselves, all y'all maniacs who do wander in and see it should tell me what you thought of it here in the comments. I'm curious, since I'm seeing reactions all over the map on it (although the more I hear the more it seems to be trending towards crapola). So spout off, you!
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I Don't Even Like Looking At This Picture...

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... but I'm still seeing The Human Centipede in a bit.
That's right! I'm doing it! No stopping me now. Oh, snarf.

I'm trying to steel myself. The reviews I've seen today - including this one by Rich at FourFour who I often see eye-to-eye on these sorts of movies (he loved Doomsday too) - have helped, in that they've dismissed it as boring. Or as not being up to power of its own sick premise. So I'm not as nervous as I was yesterday about going.

But still. This movie's hitting so many of my buttons. My last remaining buttons! Just the description of the victim's kneecaps being removed is enough to make me want to leave the room and never return. UGH.

So we will see. I will presumably write up something on the film come Monday, but if y'all want to ask me about it on the Twitter-machine tonight there's a good chance I'll be on there some time after 10 tonight. If I survive the ordeal, that is. Shudder. (Hold me.)
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Quote of the Day

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Presented without comment, here is Lost showrunner Damon Lindelof talking about how the show ends via here:

"[The series finale will] end lost in a way that feels ‘Lost’-ian and fair and will generate a tremendous amount of theorizing.”

Oh boy! More theorizing! (alright so a little comment) Anyway, Lost ends in just 23 days. Woo. (a week off has made me bitter apparently)
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I'll Do It

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Via Slash we've got some word on where David O. Russell's loooong delayed movie Nailed stands; it's the one starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal about a chick that goes wacky when she gets a nail shot in her head and it involves politics and what not. Says Slash:

"The crazy detail is that, while the film was shut down by SAG a couple times for missed payments and other money troubles plagued the production and crew, there’s just that one scene left to shoot. But it is a crucial one: the moment where Biel’s character actually gets the nail in her head. Without it, says Kim Masters at the Daily Beast, there’s really no way to cut together any workable version of the film."

I will go to Home Depot right now and buy a nail gun and if somebody agrees to film me I will go and find Jessica Biel and I will shoot her in the head with it. Wham, film finished. Everybody wins! Think of your art, Jessica!

Kidding! Kidding, god. But all kidding aside, the piece at The Daily Beast where this news originated is a fascinating read, and it does seem like there's a glimmer of hope that the film could get finished at some point. (They just need to shoot her in the fucking head!)
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Let's Hear It For The Girl!

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Phew, I was starting to get worried that we'd never get to see Isabelle Fuhrman again. Isabelle who, you ask? Well first off, shame on you, Isabelle Fuhrman only gave one of the best performances by an actress last year, and yet nobody gives little gold statues away for pulling out your fake teeth and stabbing your adopted dad a thousand times when he won't play patty-cake with your privates. And that's why the world we live in is bonkers. But now good news, via DH:

"Isabelle Fuhrman ("Orphan") has joined George Ratliff's comedy crime thriller "Salvation Boulevard" for Mandalay Vision says Coming Soon.

Based on the novel by Larry Beinhart, the story follows a "deadhead turned born-again Christian" who soon is on the lam when who finds himself on the run from fundamentalist members of his mega-church who will do anything to protect their larger-than-life pastor.

Pierce Brosnan, Jennifer Connelly, Greg Kinnear, Ed Harris, Marisa Tomei, Jim Gaffigan and Yul Vazquez have already been cast. Ratliff helms from a screenplay he co-wrote with Douglas Stone.

Filming is currently underway in Michigan."

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Happy 45, Adrian Pasdar

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Wow I haven't thought about Heroes in ages. Did it end? I don't even know if the show ended or not. As soon as Bryan Fuller skedaddled so went I. Still when I saw it was Adrian's birthday today I was filled with warm remembrances of wishing he and his pretend-brother would make out every time I watched the show. Ahh, memories. Here's some Milo and Adrian, and then some Adrian without clothes on, you know the usual...

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Wolfman's Got Nards

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Another week, another post over by yours truly at Celebrity Beehive looking at the week that's been in movie news. I spank the folks at Platinum Dunes again (gosh it's fun!) over their horror remake fetish; I get another dig in at Kick Ass (cuz why not?); and I ruminate upon the world-ending abilities of a movie based on the Magic 8 ball.

Plus, Kristen Wiig sings!

Check it out!
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Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory Of

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God I go to lunch, I come back, and everybody's yelling at me about these pictures! For once I was slow on the draw! Kill me why don't you? Ahem. These shots are... there are no words. Only physical reactions which should keep me sitting behind my desk for the rest of the afternoon. (via)

Y'all know how I chastised Jake yesterday for not being giving enough when that new shirtless shot of Ryan Phillippe appeared? Yeah the ball's back in your court, Ryan!
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The Jonah Hex Trailer, As I See It

The trailer for Jonah Hex has arrived online, and much like its poster, when I look at it all I see is Michael Fassbender. Strangely he's in the trailer a whole bunch - I swear we see more of him then we do the supposed big bad guy, John Malkovich, and he's definitely in it as much as we see Megan Fox. Then again... maybe my vision's biased. It wouldn't be the first time. I took some screen-caps...

Betcha can't guess which is my favorite shot.
Jonah Hex is out on June 18th.
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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

WARNING: GROSSNESS AHEAD! Alright everybody, not only is today's Way Not To Die honoring one of the grossest deaths ever captured on celluloid, it's also kinda long. Excessive in every aspect! Which is why I love it so much, of course. It's completely ridiculous, stupid disgusting, and one of Freddy Kreuger's greatest kills ever. Don't say I didn't warn you. And with that I give you...

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A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Where do I even begin? To those of you who haven't seen this movie you're probably all WTF? and I do not blame you. Why would be break her arms as she's working out and turn her into a giant bug? Well let me tell you why: her love of working out and her fear of bugs are the entire sum of character traits that poor lil' Debbie (Brooke Theiss) is given in the entire film. And she lasts almost to the end! These scene is about 4/5ths of the way into the movie! And every time she's on-screen, it's all, "My name is Debbie and I love to work out," or, "Her name is Debbie and she sure does hate bugs!" So naturally when Freddy's got her in his clutches, he'd find a way to bring everything together. Freddy pays attention like that. I bet he'd be an awesome gift-giver. You'd totally want him to pick your name in the office Secret Santa pool. Maybe that's why his sweater's red and green?

This marks the 4th death by Freddy Krueger to get the Ways Not To Die treatment. We've previously honored Johnny Depp getting regurgitated by his mattress, Toy Newkirk (yeah, that's still the greatest name ever) sucking face with Freddy, and Nick Corri getting strung up by some oddly phallic sheets.

Esteemed company, to be sure.

That puts the Nightmare on Elm Street series in a tie with both the Friday the 13th films and the Final Destination films for most number of Ways Not To Die documented so far. Four apiece! That seems about right, I guess.


Anyway the Elm Street reboot is due out in a few hours! I asked y'all at the start of the week where your enthusiasm for the new film stands and you can see where that poll stands right here. Cautious optimism seems to be winning out, although if you add up the folks that don't much give a hoot I guess they're number one for reals. Will anything in the new movie come close to the ridiculous genius of this buggy demise?

Oh and this death scene was one of the ones included in the list of 7 Great Elm Street Deaths that I did for MSNBC, and long as we're linking again I might as well link to my main article on the reboot over there as well, just cuz. Cuz me! Me! Ha!

Anyway, in summation, ick. Just ick.

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Previous Ways Not To Die: A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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