Leave A Yodel After The Beep

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Heidi-ho, everyone, I am gone. Gone! Auf Wiedersehen! A chateau in the Alps has what better be a big fucking fluffy down pillow with my name on it! Excuse me, mit meinem Namen auf ihm. Gotta get in der Deutsche habit. I'm sure my German readers are cringing. Apologies! Entschuldigungen!

Anyway, I'm gone until Thursday, July 9th. That's at the soonest actually; it'll probably be more likely that I won't return to proper blogging until Friday when I'm back at work. Ack the phrase "back at work" just gave me heart palpitations. Not even gone yet and I'm thinking about my return. Blurgh on that nonsense! A pox on my thoughts!

But if ya all want to do me a favor - and why wouldn't you? Hrm? What kind of selfish monsters are you anyway? What sort of crowd have I gotten myself tangled up with? Before I know it here come the teardrop facial tattoos, the ritual kitten-slayings... I can see it all now, lain out in front of me like a long slow descent into a terrible, orgasmic oblivion - you could use this post's comments to tell me of things that happen that might interest me in the week I'm away. The comments are your oyster! That just sounds gross. I've never really gotten that phrase, "the world is your oyster." Like what, I'm supposed to rip the world in half and slurp its slippery guts down my gaping maw, and then feel sexy like, with the Barry White and satin boxer shorts? Nonsense. Aaaanyway, I'd love to find a repository of All The News That Matters here when I get back. Imagine how sad I'll be if I see a big empty zero-comments pit-o-despair upon returning. I might just go back to Switzerland never to blog again! I just might! I'm warning you! I will stop this blog and make you get out and leave you standing there on the road-side for the next pervert to come along to pick up and have their filthy, handsy way with you!

I don't know what I'm rambling on about here. I think its separation anxiety. I'm going to be without a computer for a whole week! I can't let go! What if Jake puts on his spandex? What if Chris Evans wrestles with his gay brother in public? HOW WILL I KNOW???

Dear me. Everybody have a nice July 4th and I will see you next week a changed man, a worldly traveler, with the ancient horrible wisdoms of the pure mountain air etched into the lines around my newly seeing - really truly deeply seeing - man's eyes.

Yo.
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"How come Angela gets to talk to the boys all day..."

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"... and WE have to play volleyball?"

Oh if you only knew, my beloved Judy... if you only knew.
And soon enough ye shall! Question Angela's madness
and a crotch-ward curling iron will be your only answer!!!

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Pics of the Day

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I haven't read the big article on Heath Ledger at Vanity Fair yet, I imagine I'll do so while traveling - have I mentioned that I'm going to Switzerland yet? Huh? Huh? - but I did glance through their gallery of never-before-seen shots of the late lost star and while looking at Heath usually just makes me sad... it is good to remember too. Here's several below; there are more at that link. I miss him.

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And While I'm At It...

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... "it" being the covering of things I should've talked about yesterday but didn't, here are some pictures of Thomas Jane in the first episode of Hung, which aired on Sunday night, and no, I haven't watched it yet, and yes, that makes me very very very sad. (via) Jane Adams is supposedly amazing, which shouldn't surprise anyone who's ever watched her in anything before, but is still something to cherish for those of us like me that have long worshipped her and don't get to watch her do her thing nearly as often as we ought to. Anyway, apparently the entire credits sequence is the man himself stripping all his clothes off. This show was made for me. ME.

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Stars: They're NOTHING AT ALL Like Us!

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Okay, set aside for a moment the fact that that vest-without-shirt-and-cargo-shorts ensemble he's rocking here is the official uniform of Douche University - Jude Law is wearing that while hanging out with his kid off to get some coffee at Starbucks and he is still managing to make my loins make that sound that sizzling bacon makes in a hot skillet. It's not right. And it's not okay! But it is what it is. Hot piece. (more pics at JJ)
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I Am Link

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Today's probably my last day posting until late next week... tomorrow, off to the Alps I go... anyway, sorry that posting was light yesterday (and presumably will be today too), I've been way too preoccupied staring at subway maps written in German and at pictures of picturesque little mountain towns that I will very soon inhabit like that scene to the left there which is the actual town I will be staying in OH MY GOD... I'm psyched, y'all! Ahem. Tossing that aside for the moment, here's a big round-up of stuff for today, before I quite probably slip back into my Swiss coma.

--- Firstly, I command all y'all to head over to Low Resolution to participate in Joe's Double-Oh Trailer Tournament, wherein We The People get to have our say as to what we think of the best trailers of these Aughts have been. Here's the introduction to the fun at this link, click the previous one for all the polls and trailers and assorted goodnesses to be enjoyed and mentally dissected.

--- That One's Still In - Some word via Slash/Film on the coming remake of Already Perfect Movie Let the Right One In: they are indeed retitling the film Let Me In, which they'd denied they were doing, for one. Also, the film will be set in Reagan-era Colorado. And the release date's been pushed back from next January to next Fall. Yeah. I... don't know what to say about this. Hopefully it's good. On second thought I think the new title is good, it makes this version stand more on its own, maybe.

--- That Girl - Cinematical has a couple new shots from Jennifer's Body, the Diablo Cody penned horror flick starring Megan Fox. Yup, there's Megan in a cheerleader's outfit. How many tickets is that worth alone? I'm thinking lots.

--- Under The Stairs - Guy Pearce has been cast in producer-hat-wearing Guillermo del Toro's remake of the 70's TV movie Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Opposite Katie Holmes. Yeah, she's still there. Sigh.

--- Dawn of the Dicks - My lovely Michelle Trachtenberg, aka lil' Dawnie Summers from Buffy, has joined the cast of already-been-shooting-for-awhile A Couple of Dicks, Kevin Smith's new comedy. Dammit! Now I have to watch another Kevin Smith movie. Ugh. Like with Michael Bay movies (although not anymore with Michael Bay movies!) I always get sucked into seeing Smith's films and hating them. Although I've never disliked Smith somehow, he seems like a cool guy. He just makes terrible movies.

--- A Very Fine Place To Be - You know who I'm envious of this morning? Amy Adams. Because she just got cast in The Fighter, David O' Russell's boxing picture opposite Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg. Opposite those two, between them, whatever, I wanna be there.

--- Blame Shrinkage - Josh Duhamel is still trying to convince us that it was really really cold in the studio where he took his now infamous nudie shots. Dude, let it go. Those pictures were and are a blessing, not a curse. And if you're so intent on proving your dick is so enormous in the right temperature, prove that shit and show us. I have a ruler right here, dude. Hrm?

---Slasher Memories - Stale Popcorn rounded up a bunch of late 90s trailers for that Slasher renaissance post-Scream and it brought back a tidal wave of memories to this aficionado.

--- They Call Him Kurt - Thanks to StinkyLulu and Joe R. for rounding up some images of the studliness that was Kurt Russell in Silkwood. Mmmhmm.


Good classic trashy stuff. See more at those links above.

--- An American Werewolf In Memorium - BD gets quote from John Landis on the American Werewolf remake news they broke last week (sigh). Plus he talks about Thriller in this post-Michael world we now live in.

--- Jeunet Again - A trailer has appeared for Jean-Pierre Jeunet's next flick, called Micmacs A Tire-Larigot, and you can watch it over at Twitch.

--- And finally, thanks to everyone who sent me links for the naked shots of Ashton Kutcher in the foreign trailer for Spread (here's my round-up of pics from the tamer US version). Y'all are too too good to me. Here's a taste (more at that NSFW link):

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They Finally Figured Out What They Were Selling

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If you head over to JJ (I'm not even bothering to embed it here, because I don't care enough to) you can see a crummy YouTube version of the new trailer for G.I. Joe wherein they finally get Channing Tatum out of all those useless outfits and shirts and what-nots to get down to business. As seen above. That's what sells tickets, people! That right there. Gah. It ain't rocket science but it sure as fuck took 'em long enough.
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Happy Birthday, Ray Harryhausen

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Visual effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen turns 89 today. I hope kids still watch his movies these days. They do, don't they? If you have a kid and you aren't making them watch Jason and the Argonauts and The Golden Voyage of Sinbad and Clash of the Titans and It Came Beneath the Sea and so on, you are a bad parent. I mean that. Harryhausen's little clay monsters opened up my imagination maybe more than anything else that I grew up seeing. He made the impossible seem not only possible, but beautiful.

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Hung Is Coming...

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... this Sunday night and I don't have HBO.
I am an ass. Good grief. Sorry, Thomas Jane.

Oh we'll manage somehow. We always do. For now,
here's Tom fondling Brandon Routh's bicep. Good times.

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You Earned That Mug, Paul Thomas Anderson

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You know who I sometimes think should be given a World's Best Director mug? Paul Thomas Anderson. So today, on his 39th birthday, I wish I had his address so I could send one along. Because he's totally deserving of my kitsch givings! Totally.

Dude's made five full-length feature films so far. Dude needs to get to work. Of course, if he keeps knocking them out of the park the way he keeps on doing time and again I guess I can't complain... but he's not getting any younger. I fully expect that come his 40th birthday next year he'll still be known of the director of just five movies and that makes me sad. Get going, PTA! I know you're having fun repeatedly impregnating Maya Rudolph but you gotta come up for air sometime.

But for now... judgment day!
His five films are:

Hard Eight (1996)

Boogie Nights (1997)

Magnolia (1999)

Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

There Will Be Blood (2007)

So now I ask for your favorite movie of his. And I ask "favorite" instead of "greatest" because I have a hard time believing that if I said "greatest" any sane person could choose anything other than TWBB. Yes, I'm calling TWBB haters insane. Psychos! Seriously though, TWBB is still, from my perspective, an immediate entry into the pantheon of The Greatest Films Of All-Time. And while I'd place a couple of PTA's other movies in there too, nothing so concretely as that. It is a masterpiece.

But... is it my favorite movie of his?
That right there... that's a tougher question.
So let's have at it.

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poll by twiigs.com

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