The 10 Greatest Male Gratuities of 2008

The time has arrived. Arisen? Arrived. All this week I'm going to be randomly throwing out lists of shit I liked this year. 2008: In Review, MNPP-style. And I decided my awards needed a name - must brand one's self! - so here goes:

I haven't really carried this here blog's random-ass title over to anything on here, and this seemed like a natural fit. The Golden Trousers will be bestowed to a select bunch of hooey I adore (j'adore hooey) all this week then, so stay tuned. Just look for The Golden Trousers logo (Ding! --->) and you'll know what I'm on about. Yay.

And because there's no funner place to start (yes I know funner is not a word don't stare at me like that if I want to say funner I'm gonna say funner) than with nakedness and work our way towards semi-respectability from there, I've decided to start things off with a bang. Keeping in mind some of the following then is NSFW, I give you:

The 10 Greatest Male Gratuities of 2008

10. Milo Ventimiglia, Pathology


Milo shows off his best side.
(We already knew it wasn't his acting.)

9. David Eigenberg, Sex and the City: The Movie

The little bit of Sex & the City that I've seen, Steve was my guy.
He puts all the other blunks (bland hunks) to shame.

8. Gabriel Macht, The Spirit

This movie was a train-wreck to be sure, but it's got two things going for it - the scene where Samuel L. Jackson, dressed in cartoonish Nazi garb, cruelly experiments on the cutest lil' kitten the world done ever seen, and Macht strolling around like a chunk of chiseled marble. If his city is his lover, somebody transmogrify me into a manhole stat. ("I like that word... manhole.")

7. Marcel Schlutt, Otto, or Up With Dead People

Schlutt's the only pornographic presence on this list, so naturally I'm offering up the least revealing picture. Naturally! Otto was surprisingly entertaining though, so I'm recommending y'all just seek out the film for yourselves. Schlutt offers up plenty, believe you me. For a little more (PG-rated) of Mr. S, click here.

6. Dominic Cooper, Mamma Mia!

True, this scene was cut from the theatrical version of the film, but they put the DVD out in time to make up for that crazy lapse in judgment. For more, click here.

5. Daniel Craig,
Quantum of Solace/Flashbacks of a Fool

There was no striding out of the water in a square-cut speedo moment in Quantum, but Craig still earns a place on this list by... virtue of being Daniel Craig. The man makes me catch my breath when he's fully dressed. And thankfully he made up for a lack of flesh in Bond by giving up the goods in Flashbacks. He's a giver!

4. David Kross, The Reader

I can't decide if it's for the best or not that the images of Mr. Kross in his birthday suit aren't online, since he's playing a fifteen year old when he gets naked (even though he was legal when the scenes were shot - all of eighteen!). It's probably for the best. Still... oh nevermind. A touchy topic in a moral mine-field (wonderfully so) of a film. Moving on...

3. Hugh Jackman, Australia

What's really obscene is the fact that this entire scene hasn't made it's way onto the internet already. So all I can give you are caps from it's brief appearance in the trailer. But let me tell you that Hugh's bucket scrub-down is the definition of the word "gratuitous" and bless Baz for it.

2. Channing Tatum, Stop-Loss

What can I say? I nearly blacked out. The scene just goes on and on and I think I was holding my breath the entire time, lest breathing disrupt something that made him get dressed again. For more of Tatum's extended underwear romp, click here.

1. James Franco, Milk

I might've had a mixed reaction to the flick, but this moment's rightfully already in the male-exploitation record books. Franco's never had more of a sexy-fucker twinkle in his eye than he loosed in this film, and Van Sant shoots him like some lost 70's porn god. And nobody in this current facial-hair renaissance has made the 'stache work better.

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So like I said, stay tuned through the rest of the week
for a peek inside my Golden Trousers! Should be a hoot, me thinks.

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